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Welcome to, a journaling website designed for both teens and adults. hosts a collection of diaries comprised of HTML, graphics, poetry, and real events in our member's lives. Our member's enjoy a small community, where quality of service is much more important than the quantity of diarists, which helps to give each of our members a premium diary service. With support staff available almost 24/7, we strive to give you the best support we can provide.

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I am feeling hugely defeated right now. She is the one paying bills right now while I job search so I can't say jack shit...but the housework is getting beyond me, between the mental health issues, and everything else right now. I am trying not to scream and break things. I had to clean up a disgusting bag of missing carrots from the kitchen counter that had gone... bad. Just, so I could make my bowl of Ramen.

0 likes, 1 comment
Image galleries :3
by Cemetery Dawn 🪦

Click to see the 3DS/DSi gallery (+)

Click to see my Animal Crossing gallery (+)

Click to see my Dolliez (+)

Click to see my Tomodachi Life gallery (+)

The dolls, I made in a cute game called Girl's Fashion Shoot. :)




0 likes, 0 comments

I can remember walking out on the back deck as a kid and seeing these flowers, and asking my foster mom what they were and she said that they were morning glory. So, that phrase has stuck with me... thankfully she passed in 2022. She was not a nice person whatsoever. She was a chronic drunk, and just mean to me all around. I remember Granddad passing in 2007, and despite mother leaving me out of the obit, (and the inheritance apparently), he had been a gruff but kind angel on earth to me during the hard times I endured at Eleanor's (foster mom).

And I think my Nana was there in spirit too. She died awhile back. Do you believe in angels??

Today is Tuesday and not much is happening, my shower for sure, and I think it's Taco Tuesday tonight... tomorrow is New D, and I think I'll bring my iPad and iPhone with. I have to bring the iPhone anyway bc it's a medical device. I have diabetes type 2, and I use a Libre 2 system, so I need to scan the sensor to get my bg readings to the Diabetes clinic... so yeah.

After New D, on Friday, I am getting my bath, and we are ordering subs for dinner, I'm going to have a pizza sub, and french fries, as is Julz, and Bees is having a tuna sub with onion rings.

Saturday, J is treating us 3 to Swiss Chalet, a rotisserie chicken place here in Canada.

Well, that's all I have. ♥


0 likes, 0 comments
I’m on my iPad…
by Cemetery Dawn 🪦

Not much is up, there was a brief rainstorm and when I say brief, I mean like 15 minutes. But otherwise, it was a quiet day. I think that I may just relax now.. Bees and Julz are going swimming rn. I am not cos idk how to swim. I sink. I almost drowned once when I was 8 years old. But, I will have a nice walk with them tomorrow. 

I might go outside for a little while... my wifi signal isn't as strong out back than it is in the front. It is weird though, bc Bees gets my signal just fine and she's at the back of the house I guess iPads and iPhones are good at that? They are superior to androids in that regard.

Well, I need to go use 🚽 rn... Maman is back. ❤️😊 


0 likes, 0 comments
So.. I found this app...
by Cemetery Dawn 🪦

It's called Magic Puzzles, and it's really good. I stayed up til 11pm doing jigsaw puzzles lol... One of the puzzles had these funky shapes and was a picture of clay pots filled with dirt and seedlings so it was very hard. I ended up using all my hints but I did it! Actually, I think you can get it on the Microsoft store as well as on the Apple app store, or the Google Play store.

I had jerk chicken, mashed potatoes, and mixed veg for supper. I ♥ jerk chicken, and jerk pork too.

I gotta wait for the dishes to be ready to be done as it is my day for it.



0 likes, 0 comments
Pictures as promised!
by Cemetery Dawn 🪦

Hey y'all,

Here are a few pix. They were taken with an iPhone SE.

There is a honeybee hidden in this picture.

Purple flowers so pretty!

Joe's hydrangea bush

Sheila's garden

Bees (in Blue Jays garb) and Julie (behind her)

My computer setup.

That's it.

I had to resize them as they are huge. The SE's camera specs are phenomenal.

0 likes, 4 comments
Ours - Realize
by Cemetery Dawn 🪦

I love this song. It is very dark but I enjoy sh*t like that. 💀 I like the guitar solo in the middle. 

So today is going well. Too fast for my liking, but that is life for you. 😄 Fast paced and no room for anything else. At least we have today and tomorrow to chillax. Tuesday, and Friday, are my shower days, Wednesday is New D, only Thursday, Monday, and the weekends are free.

My sister Bees is listening to country music, and sister Julie is sleeping.

I will have pictures later...


0 likes, 0 comments
Recent Forum Reply
Forum Thread: 👋
Forum: General Discussion
Heyyy… I’m Sammy, and I’m from 🇨🇦. I love photography, the Sims 2, Pokémon and rabbits.
Recent Forum Reply
Forum Thread: Oh. My. Fucking. God.
Forum: Bloop Drama
Heyyy… sup?
Not too sure…
by Cemetery Dawn 🪦

Hello. I've decided to create a Bloopdiary. I'm thinking of using it for random things... like this really 😊 

I have bronchitis... which sucks. But I'm getting better day by day. 

How's things in your neck of the woods?


0 likes, 0 comments

You ever have a night where you're the only one awake. You can't really be too loud or you'll wake up the house so you just sit there in silence. Sometimes it's not bad other times though you let your mind wander. That can be a bad thing though especially when your thoughts start going down. When you start feeling dark thoughts about yourself. Feeling your self worth taking the hit and wondering what the hell you're doing in life. Who can say other than you? 

0 likes, 2 comments
by DulceLionessa

This song is hitting so many chords in my soul...


SkyDxddy x Citizen Soldier

[Verse 1: Skylar DeMarino]
You don't like who I've become
Only want me when I'm numb
What happened to the life of the party?
Don't get me started
Don't get me started
I've got a closet full of skeletons
But I don't think that you can handle them
I've got a milion reasons why I keep it guarded
Don't get me started
Don't get me started

[Pre-Chorus: Skylar DeMarino]
So now I'm too depressing to be around
I'm guessing being friends with me is just "too hard"
There's danger in еxpressing and safety in suppressing
In burying my brokеn parts

[Chorus: Skylar DeMarino]
The more that I speak my mind
The more I get left behind
'Cause I'm the kind of heavy, heavy
No one wants to carry, carry
The more that I spill my soul
The more that I get let go
'Cause I'm the kind of heavy, heavy
No one wants to carry
Bleeding out biting on my tongue

[Verse 2: Jake Segura]
Avoid me when I'm vulnerable
My story makes you so uncomfortable
Feels like being brave is what gets you discarded
Don't get me started
Don't get me started

[Pre-Chorus: Jake Segura]
The disbelief deep in your eyes and saying I need help
Left a crater in my mind that makes me blame myself
What good's the truth if it keeps getting disregarded?
Don't get me started

[Chorus: Jake Segura]
The more that I speak my mind
The more I get left behind
'Cause I'm the kind of heavy, heavy
No one wants to carry, carry
The more that I spill my soul
The more that I get let go
'Cause I'm the kind of heavy, heavy
No one wants to carry
Bleeding out biting on my tongue

[Bridge: Jake Segura, Skylar DeMarino & Jake Segura]
Don't want anyone to drown with me
I'll lose everyone if I'm not fake
I'd rather die than let you see me break
I'm too heavy
I'm too heavy
Don't want anyone to drown with me
I'll lose everyone if I'm not fake
I'd rather die than let you see me break
I'm too heavy
Too heavy

[Pre-Chorus: Skylar DeMarino]
You don't like who I've become
Only want me when I'm numb
What happened to the life of the party?
Don't get me started

[Chorus: Jake Segura, Skylar DeMarino]
The more that I speak my mind
The more I get left behind
'Cause I'm the kind of heavy, heavy
No one wants to carry, carry
The more that I spill my soul
The more that I get let go
'Cause I'm the kind of heavy, heavy
No one wants to carry
Bleeding out biting on my tongue

[Post-Chorus: Jake Segura, Skylar DeMarino & Jake Segura]
Too heavy, too heavy
Bleeding out biting on my tongue
Too heavy, too heavy
I'm too much for everyone

0 likes, 5 comments
Mmmm Poison Sugar...
by DulceLionessa

Fuck...he is back "home" in Arizona. This does not bode well. putting it kindly. Then I have invites to another Ex's place. What the hell. You don't want me while you have me...but now you do?

0 likes, 0 comments
Recent Forum Reply
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Starting over
by charity.funds
Starting over Hi everyone! I have been gone for 3 years. Wow!! So, since the passing of my dad and sister, I have been on autopilot and not even dealing with it. I have achieve the promise that i have made my dad that I would graduate with my bachelor degree, which i have and $7,000 of student loan with my mountain of debt that I have. I have decided to start over with my finances because I need to get a better handle on it and if I have some goals that I want to achieve then I would need to be more (what is the word) proactive? no, umm... understanding and make sacrifices. Not only in my personal life but also in my wallet too. So I have gone through my subscription and current credit cards, and figure out that I have and don't have any more.
  • IPSY
  • Boxycharm (3 month skip)
  • Scentbird
  • Disney+
  • Twitch
  • Patreon (only 1 person I am supporting)
  • Chegg (class is over)
  • Current Credit Card Balances
  • Piercing Pagoda: $349.15CLOSED
  • Kay Jewelers: $308.06 CLOSED
  • Amazon Chase: $465.22
  • Amazon Store Card: $355.09 CLOSED
  • Credit one: $676.57
  • JC Penny Card: $1,738.44
  • Macy Card: $697.84

  • Which not bad, but not good right? Hey, I am working on it :D I also feel like I need to look through my bank statement to get a deeper look in what my financial situation because I think what is listed in the above might be a little bit to what I could figure out. Does anyone know if bloopdiary have an option to archive my old entries? So whenever I feel like I want to look back in my entries to see what I have written in an entry post.
    Fundraiser Goal $212.03 for Winter 2019 Tuition
    Pay off Credit Cards Debt
    A New Laptop or Desktop
    Currently Bank: $ 10
    Retirement: $0.00
    Rainy Day: $0.00
    Bad Spending (Pre-Amex): $0.00

    • Pay Winter 2019 Tuition
    • SAVE!! money
    • Pay Internet Bill PAID
    • Pay Car Bill PAID
    • Apple computer
    • My Passport Hard Drive (with a lot of memory)
    • Retirement account
    • Rainy Day account
    • Selena Gomez x Coach - Grace Bag
    Reality LifeThese are my website.

    Tears You Cry (fanlisting) Color Fade (????)
    My Bloop Diaries masquerade (personal) Colorlover (css code) Penpal Coming soon/ Hitaus Tutorial (will be Html) Test Diary(soon:Layout diary??) scavenger.hunts (coming back soon!) Come and join @ scavenger.hunts Credit Color Lover Project Service
    0 likes, 1 comment
    Life Update
    by valencia
    Hey guys,

    I have not had a chance to update here but I do post more regularly on my blog if you want to check it out.

    Anyways, yesterday I started my first day of law school. I am taking Torts, Contract, and Criminal Law, with a Intro to Law and Legal research class. It turns out my intro class is very similar to the class I took in paralegal school. I am still waiting for the rest of my books to be delivered.

    I am still working; got a raise and a promotion and now we are waiting to get a bonus that our boss has told us we are going to get it.

    I been having a ton of bladder infections and it turns out some of my urine (yeah TMI sorry), is ending up in my kidney which is damaging it. So yesterday they put Botox in my bladder which is such a weird thing but yep it is supposed to help me and it lasts for 6 months so every 6 months I have to get the injection. Fingers crossed it helps me because I am tired of having bladder infections all the damn time.

    Next year in March of 2025 we are going to Europe for two weeks. Ryan's mom is taking us to Paris and London but also we are going to a small town outside of London name Watchet because Ryan's mom has a childhood friend that lives there so we will be visiting her childhood friend. We are also doing Disneyland Paris so it should be fun. Of course we already have a running list of everything we want to do besides Disneyland.

    My dad and his g/f are supposed to come visit us in Cali this year. Not sure when but they are making plans.

    I been reading a ton of books lately which is amazing because for a few years I could not for the life of me read because my attention span was non-existent.

    I recently got tested for ADHD but apparently I don't have it. The problem with this is I have been diagnosed before but that doctor is no longer practicing so I can't even get my test results from her so that doesn't help me. The evaluator did not even meet with me one time just had me fill out a bunch of documents and had Ryan fill out some questionaries' about me. But it came back that I have trauma and that means I do not have ADHD. I call bullshit she is saying that my other medical issues is masking as ADHD; without even meeting with me and also without even looking at my blood results. Which all my blood results has came out normal so who knows. They did send me to therapy both group and individual and also a Psychiatrist to change my meds. Never been to one so I am trying to brace how that visit will go. I am beginning to see the problematic issues with the mental health sector. So fingers crossed she actually listens to my concerns because I really would like medicine or at least change my current meds.

    Anyways that is all I got. I got to go to bed because I have to wake up at 7 am to study before work.

    2 likes, 0 comments

    One of the biggest changes in my life happened almost a year ago. I started a new job working corrections. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Its been a hell of a challenge. Challenges that at times I still don't know how to accept. One of the hardest though isn't with the job exactly... it's the constant fighting. I go to work and I'm fighting day by day just to come home and fight with my wife over what seems to be some of the smallest things. It's gotten a little bit better lately but what do you do when every day seems like a struggle and you don't talk to anyone. I have my wife but that is literally the only person. Sorry if this seems whiny but just something that's been on my mind lately. 

    0 likes, 2 comments

    God it’s been years since I posted on this site. So long that I’ve forgotten my username and everything else. I guess we’re restarting this. Mainly I’ve just been thinking I need a space to get everything out of my head. Isn’t it so much fun when you know that you need to talk to someone, anyone, and you realize that you don’t have anyone anymore? I’ve got my wife and don’t get me wrong, I know I can talk to her about anything in the world, but there are days where it feels like I’m whining to much about little things that don’t matter. So if you’re seeing this…. Welcome to the dumpster fire or the shit show.

    0 likes, 1 comment
    The circle is now complete
    by OKSoNowImAngry

    Few ground rules first:

  • No names here. Handles, nicknames, and the like are fine. But no real-world meatspace names. Ever. 
  • This is MY house. I'm setting it up so that I have a safe place to vent my spleen. This isn't likely to be particularly interesting to most, so I'll take no offense if you just keep on keepin' on.
  • IF you feel like you simply MUST comment on something, don't be stupid. Don't be a dick. Don't be surprised if I don't engage. Don't be surprised if I ban you in a fit of pique.
  • Any more rules come up, I'll post 'em up front. Have the day you deserve.


    0 likes, 1 comment
    by I Fear Who I Am Beco


    I spent months in that jail cell with you, and we totally feed off each others energy in person. I could make you smile if you let me, I could be there and tell you everything is gonna be okay and hold your hand , but you wont let me. I could just sit there in silence with you for hours if that is what you want, but you wont let me. I could watch you do stupid shit like staple your arm, OR TATTOO YOURSELF WITH PEN INK IN JAIL or whatever youfeel the need to do at the time ,and I wouldnt stop you. but you wont let me. I could hold you in the dark when everything seems to fall apart and you feel depressed and you dont know why. I could hold you, but you wont let me. I could make you laugh, I would SING for you cuz I am a singer that lost the joy to sing, but you put a song in my heart even at your lowest. The darkness you have is amazingly agonizingly beautiful and its sweet torment to love you but I do. I do. And I know you say youre straight and all that, but this has nothing to do with that. Twin flames are SOULS that knew each other before we came to Earth and if they are lucky enough to find each other they need to hang onto that because THERE IS NOONE ELSE IN OUR LIVES THAT WILL EVER HAVE AS MUCH IN COMMON OR MIRROR EACH OTHER THE WAY THAT YOU AND I DO JOLENE. We ARE the twin flame and I was willing to love you til the end and beyond, but again you wont let me. I love you with all of my being but Im not a guy. And that is what you andpeople see. THIS HAS ZERO TO DO WITH BEING GAY. You can have many soulmates in this life but twin flames? There is only one. 

    If you wanted to pull a bonnie and clyde, I would be down. If you wanted to pull a romeo and juliet I would take the poison. I am in this for the long haul no matter what BUT YOU WONT LET ME. I wish to God you would acknowledge that there is SOMETHING beteen us. Ask out loud if I am yourr twin flame. The answer  will come. I pray that your eyes open and you see the opportunity you had with me. I would do anything for you, you know that. You have to pick yourself up off the ground because you WONT LET ME. 

    I want more than anything to hold you. But I cannot force you. I love you Jolene. My Ying Yang Twin. 

    Howl at the moon once in a while. Climb a tree. Do shrooms, lol do what makes you happy.

    ALSO...I can go the rest of my life without sex, but I would have made you very happy in that way believe me.I have a way with women in bed. :P 

    Youre the most special and amazing person that I have ever known. 

    I am sure you are used to people falling over themselves to get to you.

    Remember: There are many soulmares in this life. But only one twin flame. And I was it. 

    Plus I can soon sign the check there and get this over with. 

    Being a multi millionaire is causing me trouble. You could have literally been an HERISS to a fortune. But I will still wire you the money. 

    I love you so much. Im sorry for it. Because its not returned and Im not gonna be that girl who loves you and doesnt tell you. But Im also not gonna sit around and pine for you. I WILL move on. If you dont wanna be friends with me anymore I will respect that. 

    Under all theses pieces and parts of me, there is a beautiful heart and it loves you........Later Angel. <3

    0 likes, 0 comments
    by I Fear Who I Am Beco

    I have had such a growing longing for you that it is threatening to consume me like a volcano which cannot hold all of the lava inside of it anymore. I cant do anything about it so I will do what I do know how to do and that is to write, and hope this memory will hold us both over for now. 

    I remember the first time with you. When we had danced around the subject, making jokes, making smiles, laughing, then both glancing at each other when we thought the other wasnt looking to see the reaction on our faces. We always WERE looking though. 

    Finally I had given up and I didnt think it was funny anymore, so I turned away from you and you grabbed my hand and said wait wait, Trish. You pulled me towards you and I actually heard your breath intake sharply like you couldnt catch your breath for a split second. Then you cupped my jaw with both your hands and quickly moved in to finally give me the kiss I had been so aching for. Our lips met in a kind of symbiotic push and pull, give and take, and I sucked your bottom lip into my mouth, as my tongue ran along your top lip a second later. 

    You are different than anyone else I have ever been with, in every single way but even down to your kisses because you LOOKED AT ME the entire time, and it was not even weird. With eyes like yours I could get lost forever in the ocean of you. And I have, beloved. I have become so lost in your sea. The depths have no end and I could spend the rest of my life getting to know you and it would never uncover the vast treasures you have inside your heart. So for tonight, I will settle for opening one treasure chest and diving into just one of your many bodies of water. I love you. 

    I took you into my arms, and kissed you again, harder this time, more urgent, and your hands ran down my back, and pulled my shirt over my head before I could even think straight. It was no doubt who was in charge, even from the beginning. Even as much as I wanted to fight against it, it was impossible. I was totally and completely, without reservation...Yours...And I was just aching for you to d, take me and make me yours for real. And that is exactly what you did. From head to toe you let me know just how much you wanted me too, your walls came down, and even as I wrapped my legs around you and felt you thrust into me hard as you possibly could, I knew something had changed in you too. You finally were willing to expose all of your darkness to me, even in the form of intense anger in the form of sexual gratification. And I was totally fine with you taking out the horror of your life on me, to use me to get yourself off, thats what I thought you were going to do. And you did. BUT, all of a sudden even with the violence of your kisses and the sweet torment of your thrusts, your touch on me and in me was so tender, it shocked me to my very core. You are the perfect balance of hate and love, and you know exactly how to use each to both give and recieve the love you shared with me that night. I could go on and detail every moment of wildness from that night but I just want to remember the fact that by the time we were finished, both were exhausted and yet never wanted to untwine from each other. 

    You are my forever and happily ever after and I will stop at nothing to keep it that way. I adore you my ocean eyes. And I will do whatever it takes to finally make you mine. To be yours. Forever. Just like it was ordained before we ever came here. 

    0 likes, 0 comments
    March 7, 2024
    by raen

    You know what's cool? Not this month long affair my lungs and throat appear to be having with dry coughs. Like seriously. Make. It. Stop. I'm so tired. I have a doctor's appointment in an hour. Maybe they can give me something that will let me sleep and actually get better rather than float around in this half existence. I've been too tired to do anything other than sleep. Any energy I have is used up at work. And then I go home and crash...but not before I cough for several hours leading up to bed time. And then I sleep for a few hours, wake up, cough for ten fucking years, and do it all over again. Yay me. I'm pretty frustrated.


    I'm tired of listening to people say "You've still got that cough?" everytime they see me with a mask on. Like, no, I just like to pretend I've got this dry, wheezing, cough. It feels like my body is trying to expel my lungs. I kind of need those. Ugh. I'm so tired. So very tired. Make it stop.

    0 likes, 2 comments
    thought about mental illness
    by local coke drinker

    Isn't it weird how the moment people display symptoms of mental illness that aren't "cute," or digestible, suddenly the perception is that they're just an asshole, or a "Karen"?

    Empathy seems to be reserved for socially acceptable behaviors.

    1 like, 1 comment

    Well....there's a sinus cold going around at my work right now. Three of us got sick Friday and Saturday, myself included. Today is the first day I don't feel like dying. I'm still clogged up like nobody's business. So of period started as well. I got three hours of sleep last night. Cool. I'm fucking exhausted. Standard mode for me these days.


    Gosh, I love being a woman. Periods are terrible. I have no use for them considering the choice to be childfree. 


    I'd love if I could breathe through my nose again. 

    0 likes, 3 comments
    Law School!
    by valencia
    I got accepted to Law School. Only Ryan and a few people know. It is a part-time program because I have to work but I am so happy and honestly it has not hit me yet. In about 4 yrs I will be an attorney. It is insane to me. I am not going to tell the rest of my family until I pass the bar. Lol! They sent me the textbook list and holy shit 😳 so many books to order. I am so excited though!!! I just got notified this morning and I just looked at the email practically all day because I am in shock. I been working in the legal field for over 8 yrs so now it is just one last step!

    Anyways I will keep you all updated.
    1 like, 0 comments
    Still here
    by The Venerable Pooh

    It would seem thet Bloop is still a thing. Funny thing is, the only reason I'm  here is a spam bot left a reply to my comment on someone's post from 8 years ago. Weird. Glad it's still around, though.

    2 likes, 0 comments

    So far my year is starting out way better than it did last year. Last year I was depressed....and then I got Covid for the second time. So far this Covid, not depressed. I'm happily single, and living my best life. Kaitlin, Kai, and I are planning a trip to Italy this Fall so that's going to be awesome. 


    In other news: I am exhausted. Lol

    0 likes, 3 comments
    by I Fear Who I Am Beco

    I have been seeing people all my life through rose colored glasses. Because I wanted to believe the best. Wanted to believe they loved me. But my god apparently 90% if not more of the people in my life have seen in a very different light then I tried to view them. EVERYONE IS COUNTERFEIT. EVERYONE LIES. EVERYONE SAYS WHAT THE OTHER WANTS TO HEAR. UNTIL THEY DONT. Until a small offense is commited againt them, and then the bottled up things they always wanted to say spew out in inapporopriate forms, and...It causes more hurt than you could ever imagine. STOP BOTTLING UP THE LITTLE THINGS YOU THINK ABOUT PEOPLE...Like...Wow shes selfish. Wow shes mean. Wow shes rude, etc. THE DOUBTS BUILD UP AND IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS PEOPLE HURT EACH OTHERS FEELINGS THAT IS JUST THE WAY THAT IT IS. So when you dont tell the truth about how you feel about someone and then they do something that upsets you, ALL THAT COMES OUT AT ONCE. Dont even try to deny it.

    Moving on, to my father. All my life I saw him as my hero, he would put me up on his shoulders, and I felt like the tallest person alive, and thought he was the strongest. And how I would pretend to be sleeping in the backseat when him me and my mom would come home from somewhere, just so that he would carry me in like a baby and put me to bed. I felt safe then which is almost never my whole life. And warm. And giggled inside. Also when he would read me a story before bed, I would always grab the thickest one of my books that I could find just to keep him near me for longer. And for my whole lifetime, that was the image I had of him, even when he broke me into a million little pieces and basically handed me the metaphorical broom and dustpan and said BYE. But in reality? Those were only moments, snapshots in a life, filled with terror and rejection, and I am getting dizzy even trying to type this from the man who has been hacking this computer and wifi for months if not longer. Hes black. Sits there with headphones, wore a wifebeater, and I saw him for a split second, oops. Just...Watching. Through the screen. ANYWAYS, that is not what this is about...This is about my dad. Who when I was scared of the shadow people who harassed and even abducted me at night? And the demons on the ceiling. And the cloaked milita.ry people coming up the stairs? Outside too. He chased me out of his bedroom in a fit of rage because I woke him up and he thought I was crazy. Even as a child. Sometimes I would be lucky enough and my mom would step in so I got to sleep on their floor beside the bed. I could NEVER go to him with any of my problems and yet I adored him. We would go on ' dates ' and go get food and just be together. Then when I was 15 I THINK, he started cheating on my mom, who knwosx how long it was really going on. And he wouldnt give up this bitch, so he abandoned me for her and her two kids. I was an only child, this bully was the only man in my life, and the only one I ever had up to them who was an example of how men were supposed to be. What a joke. I used to watch him raise his hands and praise God in church, knowing full well where he would be that night. I saw other fathers growing up who had major temper issues, yelling at their families weather I or anyone else was there or not. Gotta love the realness of these pricks tho. My dad broke my heart. In my mind, leaving me for those 2 kids was the worst betrayal I had ever endured then. Taking them places, buying them things, giving them the love I so desperated craved and dare I say DESERVED as his ONLY CHILD. THEY ADOPTED ME FOR GODS SAKE WTF IS WRONG WITH THEM. My mom with her temper issues, and emotional basketcase-ness. I never felt loved from her, except in small moments. I TOOK CRUMBS FROM PEOPLE MY WHOLE LIFE. And built those crumbs into a statue. I saw it as a stone statue, but it was just bread. Falible. Frail. Knockable over. STUPID. Then my mentor invited me to a ' safe place ' with her and her husband, only to find out pretty quickly he was a perverted POS that TRULY BELIEVES UNLESS VAGINAL PENITRATION HAPPENS, NOTHING IS CHEATING. And I do mean nothing. I paid dearly just for being alive and breathing my entire life. The wholeness of my life has been a waste. The moments...The moments were beautiful. But the whole? A fucking throwaway. Im done pretending. I WAS BORN WITH THIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND TENDER HEART. For some reason this world wanted me dead before I was even born. Wish I could write my book. If anyone would even read it. Who knows. What I d o know is tender hearts, on sleeves, make for very bad expieriences for those with the essense of agape love in their very breathe,....Their blood pumping in time with the heart of IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. And its like the puppy, you kick it, it dont bite you, it comes running into your lap with kisses over and over and over. Im sick. Im just so tired.

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    Upcoming Trip
    by valencia
    Happy December!

    It has been a while since writing in here. I go on Vacation starting Tuesday. We are going to Texas to visit family. After almost two years I am going home and Ryan is coming with me on this trip. I am excited to show him where I grew up and him to meet some of my family. We have an early flight and right now we are very busy at work and trying to pack in-between my breaks at work. I have a bunch of fun stuff planned also. We have tickets for NASA, an Art Museum and a Holocaust Museum (Not Fun obviously but educational). We are going to visit my mom's gravesite and I ordered flowers from the local flower shop for my mom's arrangement. We are supposed to visit my brother but not sure now because his girlfriend works until closing. (She is a manager at a Target) Understandable but she is off the weekend of so I am trying to see when we can meet. I am also going to go visit my grandmother and have Ryan meet her. Fingers crossed her nursing facility is not closed due to COVID.

    We started packing this week because this weekend we are busy with Ryan's mom. Ryan's mom is taking us shopping today after work and then tomorrow we have Lucky's appointment at 2:00 PM for him to get groom before going to the babysitter and Ryan has to help her with a few things also. So on Sunday I plan to do all our last minute packing and also have to get Lucky packed. Lucky goes to the dog sitter on Monday because we have a 5:00 AM flight and have to be at the airport by 3:00 AM. Monday I work also but I am going to clock in early to be out of work by 4:00 PM then we are going to eat dinner and then take a nap from like 7 PM to midnight. Ryan's mom is taking us to the airport.

    Also we only owe 200 dollars to the vet! Almost paid off! yay!!!! I need to write a review for his vet because that vet saved his life.
    Lucky is doing amazing and we started his advent calendar this morning. He loves getting different treats everyday. I get his advent calendars at Trader Joe's.

    Our christmas shopping is done.
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    Kaitlin and I are doing an advent calendar style Christmas this year. It's our first year trying it out. The idea is sound and we'll know if it works well and what needs to be improved upon after this comes to a close. 


    There's a silent book club starting up in my city. The club meets up at a cafe/pub, has drinks, brings whatever book their reading, and decide if they're going to talk or not. So we just go to a public place and read our books with likeminded folk. My mom and I are going to go on one of the Wednesdays coming up. That'll be interesting. I almost want to bring smut to scandalize people, but book people don't get scandalized. Lol


    The 60th anniversary of Doctor Who has begun. The first episode came out and is on Disney Plus for those who are Whovians. I haven't watched it yet. Probably will when I'm more awake. I worked until midnight last night and I always find that I'm super groggy the entire day following a long night. I wasn't made for nights. I was made for early mornings and solitary sunrises. 


    I'm exhausted. It feels like I did eighty million squats while at work last night. My thighs are so upset about life. I look youthful and am not. People seem to take that less seriously when they can't physically see age. So silly. Of course, even if I were actually in my twenties, I'd still feel like shit. Yay chronic illness!!!

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    Hippie Soul
    by nerdy_bree

    Life has been interesting to say the least. I honestly don't even know where to start or what to even say. 

    I've been feeling beat down and pissed off and sad with what's going on in Palestine and how my country is helping commit genocide, but it really shouldn't surprise me given our fucking history. Only a few people in my life have acknowledged whats going on and even few have spoken out against the colony of Isreal. It's just surprising to me that people that protested Vietnam are a lot of the voices justifying or staying silent about what is happening. We're watching an entire country of people be wiped off the face of the Earth. People are standing up against it but the Governments are backing a tyrannical dictator....... so much for being a voice of the people...


    Work got better and now it's gone backwards, to the point of me being ready to quit again. I almost got a promotion and out of my store but they went with someone within that store and it just worked out better for moral at that store to go with them. It was totally crushing because I did amazing at the interview according to that Store Manager and I was soooo close to being out of my current store, that I could practically taste it . 

    Kyle has been a raging dickhead for the last few weeks. We got a new District Manager and he doesn't seem to be fond of brown nosers, which is basically what Kyle is, soooo, now we all have to deal with a moody, bitchy grown ass man-child >.<. My new direct manager, Jim, is awesome but I feel so bad for him. He's not use to a micromanaging dickhead as his boss. Jim's actually from the store I interviewed at for the promotion. He had an amazing store manager and basically got down graded when he got promoted to this position. I'm trying to learn as much as I can from him and just keep my head above water. I'm praying Kyle either gets transfered or fired. I am calling on my petty spiteful side and I will either outlast this mother fucker or get promoted, but he will not beat me down or force me out of the company by quiting. 


    Family life is going alright. My bio dad and his family haven't really talked to me in a.....year? Maybe less, maybe more. Honestly, I'm not sure and really don't care if I'm being honest. My Dad is doing better health wise. He's still suffering from GBS, but is getting stronger, has lost weight which is helping with his diabetes, and his PT seems to be going really good. I worry he's going to be with a walker permanently, which I think would be tough for him as he's only 57 and has always been a pretty active man ((football games, Disneyland trips, Vegas trips, etc)). He seems to be handling everything ok, as far as I can see and from what Mom says. I need to take her out for a girls day to a spa or something. She needs to relax and press pause on everything thats going on. 

    We had another death in the family. My Tio Oscar passed away from cancer a month or so back. His funeral was very nice but it was a little tough going by myself. My parents were there but Nick had to work, so that was a little tough as I'm very much an introvert and don't really like socializing. Some of the cousins were talking about doing a family reunion, which would be nice, but they've said this every funeral and nothing has happened, so we shall see. Hopefully I won't have to go to that without Nick because as much as I love my family, that would be torture. 



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    On GNJ
    by ~Anonymouse~

    Today was an ok day. I slept about 50% of the morning and about 66% of the afternoon away. I have a GoodNightJournal here... that I post to. I can easily post to it by my cell or tablet... which is a +. Tonight we are having bacon cheeseburgers and a side (most likely french fries?) or bacon chicken cheeseburgers. Yum!!

    I need to use the bathroom and then, I need to do my insulin. G2G. My alarm just sounded!



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    The ending is pretty predictable... but it has a weird weird vibe. It has a lot of gorgeous dollies in it being called Dollface. If you watch, tell me what you think. It is on YT, here is the link. I find it bizarre as all get out... even with the pretty dolls. Makes me want to get me a Cabbage Patch Kid again. I had one; a French popstar called Gracienne Camille. :) She had long brunette hair and violet eyes and a dimple in one cheek, like I have. (I'm not a brunette nor do I have violet eyes but I do have the dimple. :D) I miss her. I lost her a long time ago.

    What about y'all? Did you, or do you enjoy collecting dolls or things? If so, what? I'm curious.

    Today I had a breakthrough. I went out to eat with Bees and Julz.... the staff have faith in me now. It took them awhile... but I have their trust again.

    And, I'm getting my Samsung phone fixed and a case and charger for it too. :) 

    I had fish & chips... among other things.. I shared some poutine, and mozza sticks with Bees and Julz.

    All in all a great day. Tomorrow will be even better!


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    You click on the star icon on the top right hand of the screen above the persons diary the star will turn dark after clicking it to indicated you added the person to your faves. I added you to my faves
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    Johnathan Franklin and Eddie Lacy running backs Green Bay Packers

    Fantasy football players are likely to be monitoring the Packers running back's scenario with keen interest during the course of training camp as well as the preseason. Youngsters Eddie Lacy and Johnathan Franklin are expected to split the load of the Green Bay backfield as they have different strengths. However, one of the running backs might be different in the preseason.

    Quanterus Smith, Defensive end/Outside linebacker, Denver Broncos

    Quanterus Smith could have received more pre-draft excitement if he hadn't torn his ACL towards the end of his senior season. Smith is one of the most technologically advanced players in the class that is currently being drafted, however the Broncos are hoping that he retains his power after suffering his knee injury that ended his season. Is he able to train in the training camp? If so, how successful will the results be?

    Cornellius Carradine, Defensive end, San Francisco 49ers

    Another injury issue worth keeping an eye on during the beginning of the season could be 49ers rookie Tank Carradine and his ACL injury. He seemed to be recovering with a speedy pace as he heads to the draft, but what will he do to deal with the demands of Madden NFL 23 training camp? A healthy Carradine in the 49ers defense appears to be unfair, as he has the ability to stick his foot in the ground, and then rise to get after the passer. He could have been a first rounder if not because of his knee injury.

    Tyler Bray, Quarterback, Kansas City Chiefs

    Character concerns have been added to the list of priorities for Madden NFL 23 teams after the events of the last few offseasons. Tyler Bray went undrafted because of issues surrounding his maturity.
    If you want to learn more about MMOexp mut 23 coins,please vist
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    2K released a synopsis of the game ahead on 2K Day: "Become the best player in the league when you play NBA 2K23 Championship Edition on PS5! Play as some of the most famous players within the NBA or write your own name in MyCAREER. Revise the rules of the game as create your dream team using MyTEAM and learn to improve your performance on the court with authentic play in this classic basketball basketball online game.

    Get your name on the map in The City, the most large-scale basketball world online (for PS5? ) or take a an exciting basketball adventure (for PlayStation 4?) aboard an ocean cruise. Whatever the voyage, be ready to call next with the top basketball players in the largest basketball community. "The NBA 2K23 size of the file for Xbox Series X|S is three times that of Elden Ring and dwarfs Warzone, GTA V, Forza Horizon 5, and many more

    For a long while, Call of Duty games like Warzone were the butt of any joke on game console storage space and file sizes. The battle royale, prior embarking on a shrinking file size diet, took over massive amounts of internal storage. So would the likes of Black Ops Cold War and . With the coming launch of NBA 2K23, Xbox players could be getting a brand-new game to play with as it tries to take over storage space.

    As was first reported by MP1st, the capability to install NBA 2K23 on Xbox Series X|S has shown how big this year's version of the basketball game is going to be. The NBA 2K23 filesize comes in at 152 GB which makes it one of the largest games available on the platform at the moment now.This surpasses many other games which are thought to have large file sizes.
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    The first item on the agenda today is the vaunted new Power Shot. The Power Shot is a shot that relies heavily on the skill of the shooter by incorporating an opportunity for risk and reward that lets you unleash powerful shots against the opponent's goal.How to make Power Shots: LB/L1 + RB/R1 + Shoot manually while aiming

    When to use Power Shots: due to the animation taking quite some time to complete therefore, power shots should be employed when there is plenty of time the command. In general, any power shot attempted near the 18-yard box will be blocked if the route is unclear because the path is typically more straight when compared to finesse shots.

    Kudos thanks to EA for giving us the new shooting feature particularly one that includes manual aiming. Also, you can switch off the monotonous zoom-in feature that occurs as the Power Shot is activated. Overall, it's an excellent feature to shoot with.

    Set pieces have long been stale in FIFA through the years. While free kicks are still far too few for my taste however, when you do find one they are much more dynamic. Additionally, penalties have been simplified to make it easier. Additionally, the corners have not been able to copy the same mechanics as set pieces, but have a nice new camera view.

    The circle that is a composure for the ball. Press play when it is in its smallest to ensure maximum accuracy. Hold down R1/RB or L1/LB at same time that you shoot for a precise or chip shot Use an left-hand stick for directing the shot prior to the ball is struck The size and speed at which the circle moves depends on your penalty kick's rating and also the time and context to be used for your spot kickand kicks that are towards the conclusion of the game carry an additional amount of pressure.How you can take an e-set piece:
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    We LOVE thanksgiving! The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is my favorite. I love the floats, the bad music (ok some is good but let's be honest...) and the random people that tackle Al Roker! You never know who's going to talk to him. I wonder if he's going to be in it this year. Didn't he have some kind of health scare? I still miss Fat Al, but at least this one is semi-healthy. :)

    My husband always makes the bird. I'll make cinnamon rolls or something we definitely shouldn't have for breakfast while we watch the parade. Santa, at the end of the parade, ALWAYS makes me cry. I don't know why. I think it just symbolizes the beginning of the Christmas season, so it just fills me with EVERY FEEL.

    And of course, the family text/call thread. The first day of the year you answer the phone to numbers you don't know. "Oh Aunt so-and-so, Mum gave you my number? Greaaaaaat!" Then you don't do that until Christmas. lol
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