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I posted my unworn wedding dress on facebook marketplace and kijiji today. Finally did it. *sigh* Blah. I'm so mad. That was my dream dress. I'm so turned off from any type of relationship now that it makes me so mad. He just destroyed my faith in relationships or the institution of marriage. Thanks millions. 


0 likes, 1 comment
You must live a very sad life being so miserable to others.
by Against Bullying of All Ages - Be K

The mean girls are home from their psyche appointment. It must be a safe life that they have to bully me. I dont come out of my room unless its to take a shower and do my laundry.  Which Ive decided I wont do laundry here. I only take a shower when they are gone. 

I have one person that I call Tyra the pooper b/c she doesnt flush the toilet.  She listens to my phone calls and goes through everything in my room. She also stealsl my food and sodas.. Yes its that bad.

The other two are miserable as hell. They have been mean to me since they got here. I told the nosey one to stay out of my shit and I told the other two their breath isnt worthy of my mind space. But in all honesty I feel bad as shit. It does hurt.I dont do anything and they harass me continuously. I dont come out fo my room. The leader of mean girls said the other day she was going to try to get something on me to get me out of here. There isnt anything going to happen. 

You're in a group home. You're misreable as fudge. You have to bully people to feel good about yourself.. and you know what they say about dogs that run in packs.

I dont steal. Mean Girl 1 says shes lost her Iphone. 1 I got my own phone and a laptop that I can make calls on. 2 I do NOT like anything that has to do with Iphones... I even have a generic tablet that I like very much.

They tried to break into my Facebook. They reported me first for a comment about them. I got banned for 24 hours. Then they tried to log into my account. The two mean girls have Iphones. The snooper has an Android. All coming from the same Ip as me. I have a Blu phone. So I reported the log in and logged them and removed them from preferences. I blocked everything on my Facebook. That is my right to privacy. My way of saying what I want when I want. They cant keep me from doin it. They have done worse. And the director of the program says she will not help me. 

I literally feel trapped.


0 likes, 1 comment
First Glimpse at the mean girls
by Against Bullying of All Ages - Be K

I hope that everyone had a good day a better day than I did. My anxiety has been through the roof... These girls are planning something and thats just not my paranoia talking. Yesterday the Queen of the Mean Girls started bitching about how she lost her Iphone. I only heard her bitch once. If I lost an expensive Iphone, I wouldve been bitching all damn day. Today she decides to link her Ipad and realized it was in the house. Well no shit dipshit its where you left it. I heard her scream call the police. I told the director I was sick of being harassed by these females and she came back with you're the only one thats complaining. These girls are enough to drive anyone insane especially 3 against one how is that even fair? Whats really sad, is they are grown ass adults in the 30s and 40s and have been bullying me since they got here. Now her friends living here and its gotten ten times worse. I stay in my room and eat out fo canned foods b/c I dont want to deal with their bullshit. Literally in my room from 8 am till the next day. I only come out to shower in the morning and stay in my room after that. At the moment, Im living off of strawberry jelly and potato chips. Not together. Ick.

I get paid on the first so I have to make that last. I had a 24 pk of soda but the bitch acrossed the hall keeps coming in my room and stealing them. I told the director and nothing was done. Its always me thats the problem. We were close at one point. Since I dont eat regular meals like anyone else, I have lost some major weight. I lost almost 30 lbs. I was 245 before I caught Covid and now since I havent been eating Im at a 210. I just gotta get to my weight and thats 200 then Ill set another goal. 

I live in a group home for women. There are 3 other women besides me that are younger and from jail.Since they have come here, I have felt unsafe and sleeping with my mace. When my old roommate Karen was here, she threatened me three times, peed on my blanket, and spit in my water... These girls do not have home training.

I dont lie steal or cheat. I am a highschool drop out. I dont do drugs drink or even smoke cigarettes. Never been in jail - but I was in hand cuffs twice for being baker acted.

I took care of my parents for 15 years. My dad died first. He was paralyzed on the left side and couldnt do much. I had so much anger then. If I had a chance.. I do it all over again. After my dad died my mom didnt know what to do. They been together since grade school. She lost her soul mate and gave up. Her own health had gone bad and 7 years later she died. She was literally my best friend. The one person that I can truly counted on. I will never have that again.

I thought came to me yesterday. They must be real sad with their lfe to try to get at me? How cool is it to be Mean Girls at 30? 

 


0 likes, 0 comments
My worst nightmare is now my reality
by Rebellion at its finest

I sit here in disbelief that my life is very much unraveling right in front of my eyes.... my worst nightmare became a reality... what I wouldn't give to trade places with you.... I wish I never received that call that they found you unresponsive. How the fuck does that even happen in a nursing home?... Stupid fucking nurses keeping you off the ventilator... I'll hold every bitch ass person accountable in that fucked up place. Vibra will be held accountable for your death. You was so close to coming home.... I'm so fucking sorry mom. I failed you. I should have never left you alone. We should have all been taking turns sleeping up there with you making sure they put you on the fucking ventilatior and taking notes... I'm sorry... I should have pulled you out of vibra the second they didn't change your trach and let you fall out of bed... I totally failed you and I know that. I should have trusted my gut instinct but I thought I was just overreacting... clearly I wasn't. I can not fucking believe I'm about to watch you  take your last breath.... I can not face this world without you... I fucking need you.... when I was at your bed side on the left side earlier and I was telling you that your organs are shutting down and we're calling hospice in to make you comfortable bc your dying... you heard my voice crack and how upset I was... it took all your strength but you reached up and tried wrapping your arm around me.... I couldn't hold back my tears any longer... I completely lost it. Your nurse seen you hug me and she also cried. That took all your strength. You was trying to comfort me on your death bed. That's how giving you were. I hate that we fought months before you got so sick. That's a regret I have to live with for the rest of my fucking life. I wish I could take that stupid petty fight back......


0 likes, 0 comments
Untitled
by Rebellion at its finest

Mom and I came over to visit your mom again. I walked into the kitchen and seen there was dishes to be done.. so I walked back into the living room where our moms were and told them I’m gonna do them. Lol your mom said I didn’t have to and that it was your chore. I told her I really don’t mind and went back to the kitchen. Then the sink was filling up because the drain was covered and I yelled for your mom saying sink is filling up because I knew your mom would yell for you to come help me. Was just a cover to get you alone lol but you came to my rescue and grinded up against me. I turned off the water and turned to face you. I grabbed your hand and waited for you to make your move lol but you never did. Your too shy when it comes to me. I can’t wait until you do finally make your move. You’ll make my entire day. No… my entire year. You will be mine… eventually 


0 likes, 0 comments
Untitled
by Rebellion at its finest

Mom and I went over to her friends house today she has a little girl around my age. Her name is Alyssa. She’s alright. She’s too shy and doesn’t like to do much. Kinda boring if you ask me. I seen her older brother and she introduced me to her older brother Andy. She said I can’t be her friend if I’m friends with her brother bc he’s always mean to her? Lol… older brothers are always mean lol but to be honest I rather be his friend. He’s very handsome and makes my heart beat faster. Weird right? Just met him and I’m crazy about him already. But how do I get him to notice me and make the first move? Guess I’ll slowly drive him crazy and hope he makes his move… 


0 likes, 0 comments
Covid
by raen

I had classic OG Covid...or have. Just spent this week feeling like shit. I still feel like shit, but the kind of shit that is leftover. The exhaustion and the persistent cough are lignering. Hurrah! Lovely! I feel like shit.


0 likes, 0 comments
Untitled
by Rebellion at its finest

Mom and I went over to her friends house today she has a little girl around my age. Her name is Alyssa. She’s alright. She’s too shy and doesn’t like to do much. Kinda boring if you ask me. I seen her older brother and she introduced me to her older brother Andy. She said I can’t be her friend if I’m friends with her brother bc he’s always mean to her? Lol… older brothers are always mean lol but to be honest I rather be his friend. He’s very handsome and makes my heart beat faster. Weird right? Just met him and I’m crazy about him already. But how do I get him to notice me and make the first move? Guess I’ll slowly drive him crazy and hope he makes his move… 


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Dear Elle Eh, 

I know you're trying your best, but I can see how easily you're letting yourself be discouraged. This year you have accomplished a lot and it doesn't look like it's going to slow down anytime soon. This is okay! It can be very overwhelming but overwhelming doesn't mean bad, it just means we have to slow it down and live in the moment. 

2022 was by far one of our most memorable years. The highs have been the highest, but some of our lows have been devasting. I am so proud of how we were able to pull ourselves back from the edge and even more proud of the fact that we were able to set our pride aside and ask for help when we needed it. We have an amazing partner who loves and supports us no matter what, and we need to show our gratitude more. 

While we have had so much personal growth this year, we still have a lot of work we need to do. We need to have more patience with those around us, especially those we love and care about. We also need to not take things so personally all the time, and find new coping skills for our anger. 

I can't wait to see where 2023 takes us, I know we have so much more exciting things to look forward to, but we also have some obstacles we know we will have to overcome. Take everything day by day and remember to be present in all of our situations and conversations. 

 

-- Elle Eh


0 likes, 0 comments
A lot of Firsts Again
by nerdy_bree

It hit me last night while waiting for all my roommates to get home that this is going to be my first Christmas without Papa. It's been six months and almost three weeks since he passed. I'm ready for it and I'm not. 
 

I didn't fully comprehend Abuelito's passing during the holidays because we all put on brave faces for my primo Mateo. Mostly because he was eight and it was his first family death; on top of living with them. Then Covid hit. I'm also relatively good at shutting off/disconnecting from certain emotions. I'm a ..... mom bear type, for lack of a better way to describe it, and I worry and care about everyone else before me. Part of it is definitely abandonment issues stemmed from Albie and shitty fuckin friends *shrug* 

 

Thankfully hubby and I leave for my parent's house once he gets off work this afternoon. I get to see my baby sister who I haven't seen in like a year 😭. And honestly, I think I just really need a mom and dad hug. This weekend is going to be hard. 
 

Happy Holidays, y'all. 


0 likes, 0 comments
Long time
by valencia
I been trying to type out an update for months but always get sidetrack. Anyways many changes, we are still at our place but our lease is up in April so we are excited about that. We can't wait until we can move out. Looking for a place but it seems a studio is becoming available next to Ryan's mom so we are going to look into that.

In October we went to Disneyland, my 1st time ever!! Truly magical and a dream come true. A bucket list vacation for sure. Now I am hooked and can't wait to go again. Ryan's mom is trying to get us yearly passes so we can go whenever. Next month we are going to Hawaii!!! I have never been and can't wait. We are staying at this super expensive resort called Aulani, disney themed. We are going to go on a tour of where they filmed a bunch of movies and shows. We have some musuems planned. I can't wait.

I am now working from home and it is amazing. I love it!!

Life is pretty amazing!
Except for one thing.
I am now estranged from my family it sucks not what I wanted but it is my reality.

I am trying to enjoy my life and make the most of it. We have concerts planned for next year and a few more trips. We love to travel but also will be traveling back home to visit family. I need to go and visit my moms grave and take Ryan to visit my mom's grave and my grandmother.

Friday I got us tickets to visit a themed bar in the city (SF). I love that we live so close to the city, we are trying to see if we could find a studio in SF because right now the housing for rentals is hitting rock bottom. Ryan has a full-time job and works in the city. With our combined incomes we make decent income and can def afford the city but only if the Studio by his moms is not available. Anyways I got side tracked again,on Friday the bar is christmas theme and I got us tickets last month. Can't wait! We are going to have dinner then go to the bar!!! I also want to go see the lights in Union Square and just walk around the city.

Anyways that is all I have for now.
Happy Holidays!
Hope to write again soon!
-Valencia
1 like, 0 comments

This year I'll spend Chrristmas with my family. I will be surrounded by people who all have partners and lives. And I don't want to go. I don't want that reminder that a few months ago my happily ever after was snatched away from me in the blink of an eye. I don't want the reminder that he dumped me for a woman who doesn't even want him. I don't want the reminder that traditions we had made are no longer. I'm mad and heartbroken and I don't understand how a person could do what he did. I don't understand how I couldn't see that he was gaslighting me with every fight we had. He had no respect for me. How did I not see it?

 

I am alone. 

 

I'm not fine. 
 

But I will be.

 

I'm strong.

 

Most importantly, I love myself, and that's the biggest flex there is.


0 likes, 3 comments

I'm alive. I've been focusing on making my bedroom as cozy as possible. It's been distracting me helpfully. There was a little while when sleep was eluding me and I had to resort to the local cannibas shop by my work and get some sleepy time edibles. Worked like a charm. 

 

I had to block Chris on everything. Despite my asking, he kept messaging me about how much he regrets the breakup. Oh, excuse me, but after finding out you dumped me for a woman who didn't even say yes to you, the very idea of you makes me want to throw up. He acted like the wounded party when he discovered I had begun blocking him from texting/calling. I think there's going to be quite a bit of time before I recover from this. That's okay, though. Six years is a long time, and to have that suddenly just gone is shocking to say the least.

 

Kaitlin and I are going to NYC in April 2023, and probably Vegas October 2023 with Kai coming to the Vegas trip. It'll be fun. By then I might even be a little less morose. 

 

Work has been interesting. Amanda (Purple Hair) has decided I'm a threat to her interest in Ian (another of the management team) because he and I like to chat and work together. We've done this for quite some time, but she only began feeling threatened when I suddenly found myself single. Let me point out that she just thinks that because she's interested him ( a feeling that is unrequited and made clear to her already by Ian), then I must be as well. I'm not. He's not my type. Super nice guy, and we both like to talk about astronomy and books, but he has at least one habit that is in the deal breaker category for me. Also dude is so anti-social I doubt he actually has any friends outside of work. And he likes it that way. We're both fine just being friendly at work. That's the extent of social interactions.


0 likes, 0 comments
Life
by nerdy_bree

So not to much going on. Hubby and I have covid, so that's fun.... not. Though, I should be grateful since it's not anything like it was the first time I got it. 
 

There is still drama at my work and in my department but with different people, so yay... The new drama is with the woman who use to be in my position but do to her attendance final and a company wide management shake up she was not able to keep her position or interview for another. Which was o.k. with me because I did not know she is paranoid that employees, managers, and customers are out to get her, are stalking her, or want to I don't know nor do I think she knows. Every issue she has come to me about the stories are the same but with different people, so at some point she should, you would think, realize she is the one and only common denominator in her "issues". However, if anyone tries to explain that to her than "you aren't listening to me and don't care about what I'm saying." I'm at a loss of what to do...


Regular life is going pretty good, minus the whole having covid thing LOL. Hubby and I started talking about having kids. We're not anywhere near to trying for a baby but he's open to it in maybe a year. This is because financially we (and our life style) are not baby friendly. In that we see some "thing" we want we buy it or we save up for a trip and nothing more. We live a very child free life, so Hubby wants us to get more on the "we have children" life style. We realize you can't be completely prepaired for children but Hubby wants to get as close as possible. I'm thinking we can discuss babies a bit more as we quarintine these next 5 days. Yes, we are staying out of common spaces so as to not give Covid to our roommates and we wear a mask when we leave our room. There is no reason to pass on our germs, whether or not you think covid is real (it is by the way). Plus it would make me a hypocrite because I was bitching about one of my roommates doing that while sick in my last post.

Alright, I'm going to finish eating my dinner. Have a good day/night.

 


0 likes, 1 comment
Recent Forum Reply
We LOVE thanksgiving! The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is my favorite. I love the floats, the bad music (ok some is good but let's be honest...) and the random people that tackle Al Roker! You never know who's going to talk to him. I wonder if he's going to be in it this year. Didn't he have some kind of health scare? I still miss Fat Al, but at least this one is semi-healthy. :)

My husband always makes the bird. I'll make cinnamon rolls or something we definitely shouldn't have for breakfast while we watch the parade. Santa, at the end of the parade, ALWAYS makes me cry. I don't know why. I think it just symbolizes the beginning of the Christmas season, so it just fills me with EVERY FEEL.

And of course, the family text/call thread. The first day of the year you answer the phone to numbers you don't know. "Oh Aunt so-and-so, Mum gave you my number? Greaaaaaat!" Then you don't do that until Christmas. lol
First Post
by Camila

Well, here goes nothing. 

 

Having a bit of anxiety here. I really wish Hubby (JW) would find a way to get back to work - but for many reasons, he can't just go out and take any job. 
 

1: He's 56. It's tough finding work when you are in your 50s, even if none of the rest applies...


2: He's disabled from the stroke he had in 2019. He can walk and talk, but his balance is mildly skewed. 


3: He has numbness in his left pinky finger, so he can't type. He never could type anyway, so a keyboard type job is out. His typical work has always been in fields like building, construction, manufacturing, etc. Prior to his stroke, he built trade show booths at the convention center or other job sites. 


4: He had to have bypass surgery in his leg, and he has a lot of pain from that. He can't be on his feet for very long, so retail is out. 

 

He would very much like to go back to trade shows, but he does have some concerns about his balance. The thing with that industry is, sometimes he needs to climb a 16' ladder, and if he loses his balance up there, that's not good at all. 

 

But I'm running out of money, and I don't make enough on my job to pay the rent. My savings is down to almost nothing, my 401K has been drained as well, and we just got a rent increase that goes into effect in February. 

 

I don't know what we'll do. 

 

I do have an Etsy page set up for my crochet work. I'd like to make sales that way. 

I also have set myself up to be a Door Dash driver (JW cannot do this, as he drives a beat up old Chevy S10 pickup that has a lot of problems and isn't reliable enough for gig work like that). But I've had strep throat and haven't been able to drive yet. 

And...yes, I've set up an OnlyFans page, but I haven't decided what I should do with it yet. Adult stuff? Tarot readings? Crochet instruction? 

 

I did pay for JW to receive his commission from the state as a notary, and he can do closings for builders. I work for a builder, and we have a title company. The problem is, it has taken months upon months for this to get anywhere, and he's only ever done 1 closing. He's very new at this, and he doesn't quite understand that he has to contact JD (the owner of the company who supplies the notaries to the title company; they work kind of like independent contractors) EVERY DAY to request work. JW told me it feels like begging for a handout and I'm like "you can't look at it that way - you are an independent contractor and this is how you show you're really interested in doing this - you make the calls or texts, you show initiative."

 

Well, unfortunately, and I hate to say this, I don't think JW has the initiative he needs to be an independent contractor. He'd just rather sit on his computer and spend his time on Discord all day. So what that means is, if he's not chasing work, he's not paying me his half of the rent, I'm bleeding money (he WAS paying the power bill but he's drowning in credit card debt now and he's even taken my debit card and used it to pay bills, so I'm essentially paying for EVERYTHING) and at some point I am going to run out of money. When we do, we'll be evicted. 

 

When that happens, I can take at least one of my 2 cats and go up to WV, to my friend DS's house. 

 

DS and I had a very passionate affair back in the 80s. We're still quite into each other; we believe that we are soulmates, because we fit together so well. But DS is married, and he has no interest in divorce, and that's ok. We'll just have to care for one another at a distance. In the past, our magnetism for one another meant that it was very dangerous to leave us alone in a room together, but we're adults now and can better control ourselves. 

 

I do want to go visit DS soon. I do miss him a lot. 

 

It would be sad if JW and I had to live apart. JW does love me, but if he's not going to work, and we're going to end up homeless, well - what choice do I have? 

 

We actually have 2 little black cats. One of them loves only me. He hates everyone else. The other is a sweet little thing who is very friendly and playful. If JW ends up homeless, I don't know what will happen to that little cat. I want to take both cats to WV but DS doesn't like cats at all; it's bad enough that his wife has a cat that he wants nothing to do with. 

 

But if it comes to that, I'll have to do the best I can and pray that JW and the little cat would be ok. JW does have extended family he could go to, and other friends he may be able to seek shelter with. He has options. But given his personality and all, I think if I were in WV and he was here in FL living who knows where, I'd likely only hear from him maybe once every 6 weeks or more. He's not one to be focused; he's very scattered. He doesn't "settle" well. 

 

There's so many issues going on here. So many. And it's so stressful. 

 

What I don't get is that JW keeps complaining about the credit card debt he's in, but he doesn't seem to understand that finding work is the one thing that will help him the most with that. He keeps acting like the only solution is for me to give him money. No, he needs to find work. And if that means he needs to learn to type with 9 fingers instead of all 10, then he needs to do that. 

 

I don't think it's a case of "I can't do this" with him. I think it's a case of "I don't want to - I have it easy - my wife takes care of everything - I can use my disability income to throw good money after bad on my credit cards, and just be on Discord all day and play computer games and everything is great." 

 

While his wife struggles to make ends meet, and she can't do her own thing like crochet because all the money is going to support him. 

 

If I had the money to get my own place, I'd go. But I don't think I do. And how do you tell your husband this? "I'm considering getting my own small place with the cats. I don't want you to live there with me. We need to live apart, because you're not taking this situation seriously." 

 

We've been married 10 years. Before the stroke, things were better, but even when he worked full time he didn't give me his half of the rent every month. He's just not focused enough to do that. He doesn't prioritize paying for the roof over our head and I wish I'd known that before I married him. 

 

I have no family I can turn to for help; both of my parents are dead and I have no siblings. 

 

This is going to crash and burn, isn't it?


0 likes, 5 comments
It continues!
by raen

So Chris has a coworker who has a daughter friends with a coworkers daughter.....Apparently he asked someone out at work and she said no. He then started crying in front of his staff when she said no. And then he bombarded me with a bunch of text messages this past weekend about what a mistake it was and how he was such a fool and blah blah blah. I told him he needs to learn how to love himself and that I am already able to be happy alone. But then my coworker told me that above nonsense. When I didn't fall apart at that news, my coworker continued with the next bomb where he dumped me for her. So yep. He really shone with his douchebag flag. 

 

That's where I'm at right now.


0 likes, 1 comment

My husband surprised me one day by covering the living room in Christmas lights. He said he wanted to get a jump start on decorating and he knows he isn't always in the spirit and wanted to change that. Christmas decorations are my favorite part of Christmas. We have one tree standing so far and the second he said he needs to open in the yard for spider safety. No ornaments just the tree up and lots of lights a few garlands. we got a light up penquin about a foot or so tall to put in the front window. Then we heard a bunch of banging. After we went to bed E fell in love with him and needed to go get him. 


A's hair is way to long and we need to cut it. It's curly and we adore it and didn't expect it because we all have straight hair. It looks like maybe if we cut it off it'll just be a bit wavy so we have let it go on for far to long.

I just set up the bathroom with a christmas curtain, a christmas bath and body works plug and and soap and some cute Christmas towels. My set is like abstract trees with cardinals this year. My old set had reindeer and I loved it but it was lost in the move so its taken me a few years to find one I really love again(For Christmas anyway) I do the bathroom over all the time though because you can totally redecorate a bathroom for like 50 bucks so we have an Autumn set I love (that got the early boot this year) and a few other sets that I just change between all the time. I have a pretty sunrise set for January. I am trying to find a romantic one for February that isn't to, hearts and flowers but still lovey and sweet because my birthday is in February. I kind of want to do a castle set in April with fantasy stuff for E's birthday.  We have a llamma set and a blue set that I might replace. I have.. a lot of them. My collection of shower curtains is always out of hand. I started it as one set for every 3 months...but its going into the every month a new shower curtain range. I admit it. I hoard shower curtains. 

I also got pinecone hooks this year. 

Other than that we are not doing so hot. It hurts my heart that we are just not getting along as well as I would like. We aren't arguing but we aren't connecting. I feel lonely. I don't know where we go from here. I hope we find each other again. We've always connected so effortlessly so its so crushing when we aren't. I don't know. It really just sucks and I don't know what happens next. It can't continue to be blank nothing forever though.

I miss our wow friends. But its over and its gone. And has been for like a year and a half. 

But I do love Christmas and I'm just going to try to enjoy it. He put up the lights. Hes trying. I'll try too. 


0 likes, 0 comments
Annoying
by nerdy_bree

Husband's birthday is on the 5th but because we work in the service industry and retail, we're celebrating it on Tuesday. I got him tickets to the Sharks hockey game and I'm super excited. It will be our first game of the season. However one of my roommates got sick (she works with kids) and didn't think to stay out of common areas or wear a mask while in common areas. So wonderful as I'm now feeling a cold coming on 😡. 
 

I'm hoping that I've caught it early enough. I have Vick's vaper rub on my chest and the bottom of my feet and I'm in warm clothes and going to stick to my room and hopefully it will die out before it sets in. This is extra annoying because she did the same fucking thing when she had Covid a month and a half ago. SHE'S STUDYING TO BE A FUCKING NURSE! Like what the fuck, dude?! Thankfully when she had Covid we were pet sitting for a friend and she let us crash at her place. 
 

I swear, her husband's lack of social cues is rubbing off on her 🤦🏻‍♀️. So beyond fucking pissed. Oh and I have a fucking district walk in my store on Tuesday, so it's not like I can just call out. *sigh*


0 likes, 2 comments
things are good
by CatarinaNotte
I succeeded in my job search and got something much better. I will start on Halloween.
Moving in with the bf at the end of the year.
When my lease came up he hesitated a bit to invite me to move in, said he wanted me to meet his parents first.
But then when we saw how much rent at my apt was (that I am literally never at) we both decided 3 months was good then I could move in.
He still hasn't said the three words and be says that's a conscious decision.
I think I know him well enough at this point that he does but he is afraid to say it because he likes to be 1000% sure before anything, and he wants me around for a long time. The whole actions speak louder than words thing.

Its getting cool and I started crochet/knitting again. I've started a bunch of new books and video games. I also started practicing on the keyboard. Not to mention the udemy courses and professional learning I want to do.

Just still feels like it's hard to focus on what I want, don't know what I want, have no idea what to plan for my future.

Also kinda feeling bad about not talking to my family and I feel like I'm expected to try to reconnect with them. (Based on things the bfs mom has said)

Besides all my normal doubts and worries though, things are going great.

I'm in another in between place.

My anxiety never goes away it just transfers.
But im tired of everyone having to deal with my anxious thoughts (myself included) so my goals for an experiment this week (or longer if it goes well):
1. Only speak on things from a positive perspective
2. Do not verbally doubt myself
3. Do not worry about what people think of me
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Sooooo life is a fucking joke.

 

Chris broke up with me via text a week ago today. This was after being apart for two and a half weeks because his declining mental health was beginning to have problems in our relationship. He was supposed to start counselling  while we were apart, but only got the counselling after he read my journal and I (unsurprisingly) got mad at him. So he told his mom about our relationship issues, and when she suggested the counselling he decided it was a good idea. I guess the woman he's supposed to marry holds no sway. But then he decided he was fine on his own, and when I texted him to suggest we meet up to see where we both were at in this situation, he broke up with me via text. While I was at work.

 

 

Not like we were together for six years or planning a wedding or anything. So yeah. What the actual fuck.


1 like, 2 comments
Theme 438
by vatten m

What are some assumptions that people make about you that are untrue?

 

Well, the one thing that comes to mind is that people (who do not know me well) assume that I am sweet.

A) I am not sweet.

B) I will never be considered sweet.

C) If you think I am sweet, you are WRONG.  Haha.

I will say that I am quiet and can be nice.  I try to be nice to everyone around me.  The only reason I am not nice is if the person has EARNED my ire.   It takes alot for me to not get along with a person at the deepest level.  

I, however, have hidden depths that are not sweet by nature.  I am ornery, sassy, opinionated, blunt by nature, and etc...

For those who see all my sides, that means that they know me well.  I have let them see all my sides.  Otherwise, I am quiet and tend to keep to myself.  I love to observe people as well.  It is fascinating to me to observe human nature.  

Anyway, I am out of here.  Talk to you later.--Your friendly neighborhood watcher, Robyn.

 

 


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Hello, my lovelies!  What IS black and blue and swollen like an overripe tomato?  My finger, of course!  I looked away at the wrong moment while at work yesterday.  It got smashed between 2 large stacks of stainless steel warming pans.  I was stocking the pans at the time. At bedtime last night, I literally could feel my heartbeat in my finger tip.  It is bruised and getting darker by the day.  Haha.  The overripe tomato tension comparison is improving however.  Thank goodness.  I literally had no "give" to my skin when I pushed against it this morning.  If it had not improved, I am sure I could not be typing this entry.  I am thankful I didn't do what a coworker did recently however.  He smashed his finger at the gym somehow.  He had to go to Urgent Care and get the blood drained.  He was lucky he did not shatter his finger.  That would be a reason to have it amputated.  I told him that he could always make up fun stories about how he lost his finger, if they had amputated it.  Haha, there is something seriously wrong with me at times....Anyway, enough about injuries to the phalanges.

 

I entered an art project to a local art gallery. Spiva is holding its 75th Annual Membership Show at their new building. We are not physically in the building yet, but it is coming very soon.  We will be in it some time next month.  This is the first show for Spiva or anyone in the building.  Go Spiva!  :)  I entered a painting I did off of a YouTube tutorial.  I know there are some things on it that could be improved but I never got around to it.  I ran out of time to create a project just for the show.  I need to start and finish another project for JRAC's upcoming show. I have to get something done and entered by the 29th of this month.   It is on my mind.  I have some very interesting ideas to pursue.  Muahahahahahaha!

 

My cousin's husband is starting to go through his late wife's belongings.  I think some healing is being done.  I hope so, for his sake.  I worry about JR and their daughter. (A)  is 10 years old and was extremely close to Emma.    JR has some big shoes to fill.  Emma was a source of light and joy for everyone around her.  She was my closest female cousin and I miss her so much.  It does not seem like almost 2 months have passed since I heard the bad news of her sudden death.   Anyway....enough about that.  

What have all of you interesting people been up to?  I ask that question often, but no one hardly answers me.  Fun suckers!  ;)  

Well, I literally have nothing to say now.  Talk to you later.--Your friendly neighborhood finger smasher, Robyn


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So, in my last entry, I alluded to a back story regarding my sister.  I will explain it to all of you interesting people now....or just talk to myself.  Haha.

I have to back up to several key moments in our lives.  Our mother passed away when we were 5 and 7 years old.  We got along as can be expected up until we became teenagers.  She has more of an external personality whereas I have more of an internal one.  We are the same at heart but we react to things like night and day.  She lashes out and I ice people out.  That is the quick way to explain our relationship from my ages of 12-17 years old.  It slowly but steadily got better from my ages of 17-37 years old due to the birth of her 3 precious but aggravating kids.  (Sidenote: Those kids are the apples of my eye.)

 

That catches everyone up until about 3 years ago.  I had a job opportunity drop into my lap out of nowhere.  It was one I would not have pursued but I am loving every moment of it.  I kept the news of it away from everyone before I interviewed for the job.  I was internally processing a lot of insecurity and anxiety regarding it.  I did end up randomly telling her about the opportunity and how I was feeling about the job possibility.   She was the only family member I told  about it pre-interview day.  At first she was acting supportive, which I do appreciate.  Her opinion does mean a lot to me.  However, she then slid into the territory of rude and hateful (regarding myself).  I tried to laugh and push it away at first.  I did end up having to just abruptly end the conversation to keep from saying something I should not, because I was getting mad.  If you get me past my icy period, I do heat up like a volcano and spew shit violently.  I was reaching that stage and had to force a freeze before the ice cracked.  

 

Fast forward to about 1.5 years ago.  Our grandma had a major health concern.  I was scared and anxious.  I am personally unable to get to where she lives so I sicced my sister on her.  Grandma acted like it was not a big deal, like she had with me.  She would not accept the way my sister wanted to help.  Honestly, it was all for the best since so much shit has gone down from there.  Grandma is still kicking and spicy as hell.  I love that woman!  

I cannot and will not share the recent back story regarding my sister because that is her story.  I do not know all the details.  It looks bad from my angle however.  I love her and have dethawed regarding our interaction above.  I do not think she has.  And, if she has, there seems to be something else holding her back away from everyone who loves her.  I am here whenever she wants to welcome us back into her life.

I say all that to explain how the, hopefully temporary, loss of my sister is expounding the loss of my cousin (who was like a little sister to me). I already had a hole in my heart but it is now oozing acid and salt crystals.  I know that is a rough visual but it explains it perfectly.  I just want my sister back.  I miss her terribly.  I needed the bear hug I thrust up on her at Emma's funeral.  It would have meant the world to me if she had returned it but I did not expect it.  She apparently did not even hug her own daughter back that day.  We all miss having her in our lives. 

When even her own children choose someone above her, you know it is bad....even though you know they have to miss her.  I am just leaving that out here by itself.

As for that job opportunity, obviously I got the job.  I have been teaching art for 3 years now.  It is a struggle sometimes but I do love it overall.  Fyi, my grandma was the only other person I told about the job before I heard that I had gotten it.  It was only after I had gotten the good news that I shared anything with others.  

 

Okay, I am all talked out.  Have a great day everyone.--Your friendly neighborhood iceberg, Robyn


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.x.Quick One
by Jork

I only have a couple of minutes before I have to clock in.  I GOT A JOB!  And not just any job, a good paying job where I can work from home.  To say I'm excited is an understatement.  I started 2 weeks ago (this is my 3rd week).  Also, I just had my birthday on the 29th.  I am now a whopping 33 years old.  God I've been with  bloop since I was like 13 or 14.  I'd like to think bloop will ALWAYS be around!  Got to go.  Miss you all!


1 like, 1 comment

Seriously starting to hate this time of year. Even though I'm excited for the cool weather, wearing my chunky sweaters and hoodies again, making blankets, and just all around enjoying the Fall weather and smells; life has decided it wants to take a massive shit on me and my family this time of year. My Dad asked me to call him yesterday, which no problem there I love my Dad and we were talking about his season tickets for the Raiders so figured he didn't want to text. Nope. Turns out my Tia Elvira passed away yesterday morning, losing her fight to breast cancer. This is the fourth family member in four years to die during this time of year. My Abuelito and his siblings made up 13 kids for my great grandparents, they are now down to 9. My Abuelito's anniversary of his death is October 10th. Tio Mike, died just before my Abuelito, unfortunately I don't rember who else had passed because Husband's Papa was really sick and then passed away October 20th.

This absolutely sucks that to see all of Abuelito's side of the family now, it has to be a funeral. Tia Becky & Tia Maria ...... let's just say I'm over the fucking switch up of acting like I'm not part of the family because I'm not of Dad's blood. Dad raised me as his own and refered to me as his daughter almost immediately after things with my Mom because serious. That's far more than Albie ever did and he's my biological father. Tia Becky's boyfriend from over 20 years ago dumped her and she went full bible thumper to the point that she even started disrespecting my Cousin Chris who is lesbian. Tia Becky was the cool Tia for a long time, was super accepting of Cousin Chris and her girlfriend.... until that breakup. I will never understand how someone will let a personal situation that has nothing to do with other people effect how they treat said other people. 

I'm just over it and would like a fucking break. My Dad says he's fine, but I could hear the hurt in his voice. I'm back in that "I don't know what the fuck to do" stage that I just got out of after Papa's death back in June because we finally had the service last month. I'm just fucking over it!


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Busy Busy Bree
by nerdy_bree
Wow, I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted. Nothing much has happened on my end since my last post. Really just working a lot. We have our CAM coming up in a few weeks (Cashier Apprecation Month) and it's stressful because instead of a Month, Corp. has decided to make it a week instead. So now we're trying to cram as much as we can in that week, make it not seemed force, and our Inventory Day is during that week as well. It's been a little stressful to say the least.    Other than that, Husband and I have just been trying to find time to see each other and hang out. We have opposite days off and he works 10hr days, so its hard sometimes. I've adjusted my schedule to have Tuesday off every other week so we can have a day off together. I'm thinking about going back to school again, so I may make that Tuesday-Thursday split an every week thing and pick up some classes, but not entirely sure.    I'm planning a Disneyland trip with two of my girlfriends. Evelyn is turning 40, so we're going for her birthday. Justina and I want to give her a great birthday because Evelyn as never really had anyone doing anything big for her, outside of family but it sounds like even then it's not anything crazy. So I think she'll have a blast. We've planned out outfits for each park that we're going to. For Universal Hollywood, of course we're dressing for our Hogwarts houses (Evelyn is a Hufflepuff, Justina is a Gryffindor, and I'm a Slytherin); California Adventure I'm dressing as Ariel as she's my favorite and I'm currently rocking bright red hair; Disneyland I've styled a green and blue outfit around my Norway ears my mom picked up for me on her last trip to the parks. I'll try to add pictures of the outfit ideas at the end of this.   That's basically been my life the last month and a half since I've posted. Papa's passing hits every now and again, Albie (birth father) hasn't reached out or talked to me since going back to Texas and honestly I'm a million percent ok with that. Honestly, Papa was the only reason I tried to keep the peace, but now he's gone so .......... fuck it. I know that's kind of fucked up and I'm sure Papa and Grandma are looking down on me slightly disappointed with me but I have to put my mental health and over all health over keeping the peace in that shit show. Unfortunately, the importance of family skipped a generation and I don't have the mental will power to try and keep it going. I have my husband, my parents, and my best friends. That's the family I will bleed for. They showed up no matter what. That family didn't, so I'm not going to fight for it.

Layouts! | Photobucket


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Just checking in...
by vatten m

Hello everyone.  I am just checking in, as my title implies.  How is everyone doing?   I am as good as can be considered....with how life goes and all.  Haha. I have been doing home improvement things around, *gasp" imagine this, my home.  I know, I am a smart aleck.  Deal with it or leave.  ;)  

I started painting my back patio last night.  I already had painted my front porch and front walk.  They all match the side patio I put in last year.  There is much more to do.  I need to buy more paint to finish the back patio.  Then, I need to recruit help to build the outside shed I bought on Amazon.  I also need to put my patio back together...regarding my patio table and such.  It is looking good so far.  I have a ways to go.

I started a fairy house/castle thing in my front yard this summer.  I need to finish that asap.  I have the basic form and supports done.

I also started an after school Art Club last week at the school at which I teach.  No one came the first week due to lack of communicating on my part.  I take full responsibility for that.  I did pass along the information to the school secretary and she did put it in the school weekly newsletter.  So, it was communicated to some level.  Since then, I have attempted to directly contact the parents but technology is not being my friend.  I guess I shall go old school and send a note home to all my students when I go back to teach.  Grrrr!...I will get over it.  It does not bother me to send a note.  I just wish my former attempts had worked.  Haha.  

Hey, I need some advice.  If you were a child from the ages of 5-12, what kind of art lessons would you like to do within either a Native American or Viking/Celtic unit?  I am trying to come up with lesson plans.  I do have some choices I have researched.  I am excited to go forward with the Viking unit.  It is so different than what I am used to doing, personally or professionally.  I am 1/8 swedish however, so I may have a personal reason to delve into the particular subject.  Haha.

Well, I am out of here for now.  Talk to you later.--Your friendly smart aleck neighbor, Robyn


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Number.
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

92055901755477300014173997

 


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Bent but not broken
by vatten m

I have been on this site since around 2003.  I have had several diary names.  I have recruited a few people to join the site as well.  Most, if not all, are no longer on here.  One such person was my cousin Emma.  She was shortly on the site around the same time that I joined.  I believe my title entry was her diary name.  

 

I say all that to share a bloopdiary loss...for those who remember her.  She tragically passed away on August 31st.  My family and everyone who loved her are still processing her senseless death at 35 years old.  She was loved by all who met her.  A large piece of my heart is missing at this time.  We were raised around each other and she was basically a little sister to me.  It will be a long and difficult journey for us all to be able to live happy without her in our lives.  We will be okay however.  

I just wanted to share about that.  I cannot talk much about her at this time without losing my shit.  Everyone have a great day and remember to value the time you have with your loved ones.--Your friendly neighborhood public announcer, Robyn

 

P.S.--I gave my sister a much needed bear hug at the funeral service.  She was not getting out of it.  She did not hug me back but I did not expect her to.  That is another story for another day.  

I also was given very warm,  loving hugs from my nieces, sister in law, and many others this week.  

If the administrators can recover her diary, it would mean the world to me.  I imagine it was lost in the great Bloop crash.


0 likes, 3 comments
Hello...
by Sambuca

This is my journal. I will update this as I go along,  right now I am at the Fresh Tea Shop, fixing my Sims 4 game. I'm with my sister Bees, who I might convince to join... as she needs to vent sometimes. She had a journal on WP a few years ago but after our online friend Strawberry died, she kind of lost interest, but she has a computer and I might sign her up. Ha.

I will post pictures and such later.

Sambuca


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