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Welcome to BloopDiary.com, a journaling website designed for both teens and adults. BloopDiary.com hosts a collection of diaries comprised of HTML, graphics, poetry, and real events in our member's lives. Our member's enjoy a small community, where quality of service is much more important than the quantity of diarists, which helps to give each of our members a premium diary service. With support staff available almost 24/7, we strive to give you the best support we can provide.

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So, in my last entry, I alluded to a back story regarding my sister.  I will explain it to all of you interesting people now....or just talk to myself.  Haha.

I have to back up to several key moments in our lives.  Our mother passed away when we were 5 and 7 years old.  We got along as can be expected up until we became teenagers.  She has more of an external personality whereas I have more of an internal one.  We are the same at heart but we react to things like night and day.  She lashes out and I ice people out.  That is the quick way to explain our relationship from my ages of 12-17 years old.  It slowly but steadily got better from my ages of 17-37 years old due to the birth of her 3 precious but aggravating kids.  (Sidenote: Those kids are the apples of my eye.)

 

That catches everyone up until about 3 years ago.  I had a job opportunity drop into my lap out of nowhere.  It was one I would not have pursued but I am loving every moment of it.  I kept the news of it away from everyone before I interviewed for the job.  I was internally processing a lot of insecurity and anxiety regarding it.  I did end up randomly telling her about the opportunity and how I was feeling about the job possibility.   She was the only family member I told  about it pre-interview day.  At first she was acting supportive, which I do appreciate.  Her opinion does mean a lot to me.  However, she then slid into the territory of rude and hateful (regarding myself).  I tried to laugh and push it away at first.  I did end up having to just abruptly end the conversation to keep from saying something I should not, because I was getting mad.  If you get me past my icy period, I do heat up like a volcano and spew shit violently.  I was reaching that stage and had to force a freeze before the ice cracked.  

 

Fast forward to about 1.5 years ago.  Our grandma had a major health concern.  I was scared and anxious.  I am personally unable to get to where she lives so I sicced my sister on her.  Grandma acted like it was not a big deal, like she had with me.  She would not accept the way my sister wanted to help.  Honestly, it was all for the best since so much shit has gone down from there.  Grandma is still kicking and spicy as hell.  I love that woman!  

I cannot and will not share the recent back story regarding my sister because that is her story.  I do not know all the details.  It looks bad from my angle however.  I love her and have dethawed regarding our interaction above.  I do not think she has.  And, if she has, there seems to be something else holding her back away from everyone who loves her.  I am here whenever she wants to welcome us back into her life.

I say all that to explain how the, hopefully temporary, loss of my sister is expounding the loss of my cousin (who was like a little sister to me). I already had a hole in my heart but it is now oozing acid and salt crystals.  I know that is a rough visual but it explains it perfectly.  I just want my sister back.  I miss her terribly.  I needed the bear hug I thrust up on her at Emma's funeral.  It would have meant the world to me if she had returned it but I did not expect it.  She apparently did not even hug her own daughter back that day.  We all miss having her in our lives. 

When even her own children choose someone above her, you know it is bad....even though you know they have to miss her.  I am just leaving that out here by itself.

As for that job opportunity, obviously I got the job.  I have been teaching art for 3 years now.  It is a struggle sometimes but I do love it overall.  Fyi, my grandma was the only other person I told about the job before I heard that I had gotten it.  It was only after I had gotten the good news that I shared anything with others.  

 

Okay, I am all talked out.  Have a great day everyone.--Your friendly neighborhood iceberg, Robyn


0 likes, 1 comment
.x.Quick One
by Jork

I only have a couple of minutes before I have to clock in.  I GOT A JOB!  And not just any job, a good paying job where I can work from home.  To say I'm excited is an understatement.  I started 2 weeks ago (this is my 3rd week).  Also, I just had my birthday on the 29th.  I am now a whopping 33 years old.  God I've been with  bloop since I was like 13 or 14.  I'd like to think bloop will ALWAYS be around!  Got to go.  Miss you all!


1 like, 0 comments

Seriously starting to hate this time of year. Even though I'm excited for the cool weather, wearing my chunky sweaters and hoodies again, making blankets, and just all around enjoying the Fall weather and smells; life has decided it wants to take a massive shit on me and my family this time of year. My Dad asked me to call him yesterday, which no problem there I love my Dad and we were talking about his season tickets for the Raiders so figured he didn't want to text. Nope. Turns out my Tia Elvira passed away yesterday morning, losing her fight to breast cancer. This is the fourth family member in four years to die during this time of year. My Abuelito and his siblings made up 13 kids for my great grandparents, they are now down to 9. My Abuelito's anniversary of his death is October 10th. Tio Mike, died just before my Abuelito, unfortunately I don't rember who else had passed because Husband's Papa was really sick and then passed away October 20th.

This absolutely sucks that to see all of Abuelito's side of the family now, it has to be a funeral. Tia Becky & Tia Maria ...... let's just say I'm over the fucking switch up of acting like I'm not part of the family because I'm not of Dad's blood. Dad raised me as his own and refered to me as his daughter almost immediately after things with my Mom because serious. That's far more than Albie ever did and he's my biological father. Tia Becky's boyfriend from over 20 years ago dumped her and she went full bible thumper to the point that she even started disrespecting my Cousin Chris who is lesbian. Tia Becky was the cool Tia for a long time, was super accepting of Cousin Chris and her girlfriend.... until that breakup. I will never understand how someone will let a personal situation that has nothing to do with other people effect how they treat said other people. 

I'm just over it and would like a fucking break. My Dad says he's fine, but I could hear the hurt in his voice. I'm back in that "I don't know what the fuck to do" stage that I just got out of after Papa's death back in June because we finally had the service last month. I'm just fucking over it!


0 likes, 0 comments
Busy Busy Bree
by nerdy_bree
Wow, I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted. Nothing much has happened on my end since my last post. Really just working a lot. We have our CAM coming up in a few weeks (Cashier Apprecation Month) and it's stressful because instead of a Month, Corp. has decided to make it a week instead. So now we're trying to cram as much as we can in that week, make it not seemed force, and our Inventory Day is during that week as well. It's been a little stressful to say the least.    Other than that, Husband and I have just been trying to find time to see each other and hang out. We have opposite days off and he works 10hr days, so its hard sometimes. I've adjusted my schedule to have Tuesday off every other week so we can have a day off together. I'm thinking about going back to school again, so I may make that Tuesday-Thursday split an every week thing and pick up some classes, but not entirely sure.    I'm planning a Disneyland trip with two of my girlfriends. Evelyn is turning 40, so we're going for her birthday. Justina and I want to give her a great birthday because Evelyn as never really had anyone doing anything big for her, outside of family but it sounds like even then it's not anything crazy. So I think she'll have a blast. We've planned out outfits for each park that we're going to. For Universal Hollywood, of course we're dressing for our Hogwarts houses (Evelyn is a Hufflepuff, Justina is a Gryffindor, and I'm a Slytherin); California Adventure I'm dressing as Ariel as she's my favorite and I'm currently rocking bright red hair; Disneyland I've styled a green and blue outfit around my Norway ears my mom picked up for me on her last trip to the parks. I'll try to add pictures of the outfit ideas at the end of this.   That's basically been my life the last month and a half since I've posted. Papa's passing hits every now and again, Albie (birth father) hasn't reached out or talked to me since going back to Texas and honestly I'm a million percent ok with that. Honestly, Papa was the only reason I tried to keep the peace, but now he's gone so .......... fuck it. I know that's kind of fucked up and I'm sure Papa and Grandma are looking down on me slightly disappointed with me but I have to put my mental health and over all health over keeping the peace in that shit show. Unfortunately, the importance of family skipped a generation and I don't have the mental will power to try and keep it going. I have my husband, my parents, and my best friends. That's the family I will bleed for. They showed up no matter what. That family didn't, so I'm not going to fight for it.

Layouts! | Photobucket


0 likes, 0 comments
Just checking in...
by vatten m

Hello everyone.  I am just checking in, as my title implies.  How is everyone doing?   I am as good as can be considered....with how life goes and all.  Haha. I have been doing home improvement things around, *gasp" imagine this, my home.  I know, I am a smart aleck.  Deal with it or leave.  ;)  

I started painting my back patio last night.  I already had painted my front porch and front walk.  They all match the side patio I put in last year.  There is much more to do.  I need to buy more paint to finish the back patio.  Then, I need to recruit help to build the outside shed I bought on Amazon.  I also need to put my patio back together...regarding my patio table and such.  It is looking good so far.  I have a ways to go.

I started a fairy house/castle thing in my front yard this summer.  I need to finish that asap.  I have the basic form and supports done.

I also started an after school Art Club last week at the school at which I teach.  No one came the first week due to lack of communicating on my part.  I take full responsibility for that.  I did pass along the information to the school secretary and she did put it in the school weekly newsletter.  So, it was communicated to some level.  Since then, I have attempted to directly contact the parents but technology is not being my friend.  I guess I shall go old school and send a note home to all my students when I go back to teach.  Grrrr!...I will get over it.  It does not bother me to send a note.  I just wish my former attempts had worked.  Haha.  

Hey, I need some advice.  If you were a child from the ages of 5-12, what kind of art lessons would you like to do within either a Native American or Viking/Celtic unit?  I am trying to come up with lesson plans.  I do have some choices I have researched.  I am excited to go forward with the Viking unit.  It is so different than what I am used to doing, personally or professionally.  I am 1/8 swedish however, so I may have a personal reason to delve into the particular subject.  Haha.

Well, I am out of here for now.  Talk to you later.--Your friendly smart aleck neighbor, Robyn


0 likes, 0 comments
Number.
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

92055901755477300014173997

 


0 likes, 0 comments
Bent but not broken
by vatten m

I have been on this site since around 2003.  I have had several diary names.  I have recruited a few people to join the site as well.  Most, if not all, are no longer on here.  One such person was my cousin Emma.  She was shortly on the site around the same time that I joined.  I believe my title entry was her diary name.  

 

I say all that to share a bloopdiary loss...for those who remember her.  She tragically passed away on August 31st.  My family and everyone who loved her are still processing her senseless death at 35 years old.  She was loved by all who met her.  A large piece of my heart is missing at this time.  We were raised around each other and she was basically a little sister to me.  It will be a long and difficult journey for us all to be able to live happy without her in our lives.  We will be okay however.  

I just wanted to share about that.  I cannot talk much about her at this time without losing my shit.  Everyone have a great day and remember to value the time you have with your loved ones.--Your friendly neighborhood public announcer, Robyn

 

P.S.--I gave my sister a much needed bear hug at the funeral service.  She was not getting out of it.  She did not hug me back but I did not expect her to.  That is another story for another day.  

I also was given very warm,  loving hugs from my nieces, sister in law, and many others this week.  

If the administrators can recover her diary, it would mean the world to me.  I imagine it was lost in the great Bloop crash.


0 likes, 3 comments
Hello...
by Sambuca

This is my journal. I will update this as I go along,  right now I am at the Fresh Tea Shop, fixing my Sims 4 game. I'm with my sister Bees, who I might convince to join... as she needs to vent sometimes. She had a journal on WP a few years ago but after our online friend Strawberry died, she kind of lost interest, but she has a computer and I might sign her up. Ha.

I will post pictures and such later.

Sambuca


0 likes, 1 comment
*1*
by *AERS*

 

 

Test

Credit: Sx3.Layouts


0 likes, 0 comments
Wasted my time getting back into Anpanman
by You can't please everybody

So I've been into Anpanman again as I decided to collect the videos after taking a break from buying as I want to upload them to people that want to watch them. However, I feel like I wasted my time and money after a few snags.

In April, I noticed from my page that one of the episodes I posted back in late 2019 was unexpectedly removed as I was never given a warning. I decided to reupload the episode a day after, but soon the site mass deleted videos. At first it was as far back as early April, but over the next two days more have been removed so I only have less than 50 videos on the site (most of them are Anpanman related). I'm not sure if it was that certain episode that cause the trigger to get a chunk of the episodes to be gone or because I uploaded too fast, but I'm just upset that the hard work I did to rip some of the older episodes was a waste of time as I didn't expect this to happen. What's worse is that there is that I was never given n email on it. And I know you're gonna say that I'm in the wrong for posting videos. The thing is that I'm not trying to profit on the show, all I wanted was to share episodes of a silly anime that despite having a large following in its home country, it's not very well known outside Japan and if others do know, it's only either word of mouth or a glance of the products. This is Yo-kai Watch never got traction outside of Japan thanks to how it was handled. So for the past few months I've been busy reuploading the episodes along with some new ones.

Then around June, I got another lot of 12 DVDs for $70, but then there's a problem; about 1/4 of the set couldn't read. I sent out the scratched DVDs to a disc repair service, but they could only get two of them fixed while the one can't read at all. I contacted ZenMarket afterwards and showed them proof on what was going on. But they gave me this message. The seller won't give me a refund unless I send it back. But the problem is that I have to pay extra for international shipping. So I asked them if the seller can give me a partial refund, but it's almost a month and I never got that back. Now I'm not blaming ZenMarket for this as they aren't the ones selling the DVDs I bought. What I am mad is that the seller is stubborn to accept at fault and wanting me to pay extra money for shipping these if I want a refund. Which only makes the seller a scammer. And before anybody tells me that I should've read that it was used. Yes, I'm aware of that. But the thing is that I never had issues buying used DVDs from zenmarket, and this is the first time I was given a faulty product.

The final thing that made made upset was being banned just because someone in it doesn't like me. So I interacted with someone that also likes Anpanman and uploads episodes as well since the start of the year. Sometime last month, the user invited me to their server and never had any issues with it. But that changed a few days ago when they banned me. Even though we chat to each other for the past few months, the user suddenly believes this rando in the server that I was a bad person all because of the NSFW drawings I did and my past actions. Despite apologizing to the admin, they won't let me back into the server all. Why? Because of this: "I’m sorry, I don’t think so… the one who talked to me was extremely uncomfortable with you being there. I’m willing to give you a chance because you’ve changed, but it doesn’t feel fair of me to ask others to do the same. I wish everyone could get along well, but in a situation like this i have to prioritize people feeling comfortable and safe there."

That's it? All this time trying to help non-Japanese fans a way to watch the show without pirating and this is the thanks I get? I spend hundreds of dollars importing DVDs from Japan, only for Dailymotion to blacklist them months afterwards and going through to reupload them, and then a seller scams me for giving me a defective disc, and despite obeying the rules on the server, I was given a middle finger to everyone and treated as the bad guy? I just feel like Clark Griswold from Christmas Vacation after his boss gave him a lousy gift.


0 likes, 1 comment
Lots of Driving
by nerdy_bree
I've driving a lot lately. Good thing I enjoy driving, honestly. Last Friday, the 5th, I had to drive to Oroville for my Papa's memorial. It was nice. Saw a few people I didn't know and a few I didn't remember right a way or at all. Sounds like my childhood friend that grew up across the street from my grandparents house is buying the house with her husband. I have to say, it feels like it's keeping the house in the family in a way. We ran amock in that house during the summers. Got some really great  pictures of my grandparents when they were younger. I didn't get home until around 12:30 in the morning because of looking at pictures and listening to stories of when my birth father and uncle were kids. 
  The next day I left for Costa Mesa. Originally I was going to go to my bestie's house warming but having gotten home so late, I decided to sleep in, finish laundry, and packing before heading out. I left at 2p and got to Husband's training location around 8-8:15p. It wasn't horrible. Only had to stop for gas twice, god I love my Mini lol. With the exception of Monday I just hung out at the hotel and watched Fairy Tail. Monday we went to Disneyland and oh my lord. It was packed like Covid had never been a thing. When we went last year for my bestie's birthday it wasn't that packed. It was definitely a test of our patience because of people just stopping in the middle of the walk way or blocking entrances to rides. Otherwise, it was a lot of fun. We hit almost all the rides we wanted, except Thunder Mountain because it broke down as we were nearing the front of the line 🤦🏻‍♀️  That was our last right of the night so we did the shopping we wanted to do and left. All in all it was a nice day. Most nights ended with us soaking in the hot tub for 10-15 mins and just chatting. It's been nice to see Husband not stressed and frustrated. This change has been a good one. 
  I drive home tomorrow after dropping him off at work. He'll fly home after his half shift. I should get home before him by an hour or two. I'll be glad to be in my own bed again and see my kitties. Thankfully I don't have to be back to work until Monday. Work has been drama and it bled into my time off. In fact I had an associate blow up at me via FB messenger about how she "just comes in to work and go home" so she doesn't understand why her name is "in y'all's mouth" and that it's because of H and she wants to talk to our SM because it's bullshit. I took screenshots and replied by reminding her I was at my Papa's memorial and wouldn't be back until the 15th, then advised her to reach out on Monday 8th to our direct ASM for assistance. I had to talk to SM and I will more than likely have to deal with this on Monday as she messaged me again yesterday about trying to call out. Like, ma'am how many times do I have to tell you I'm on a vacation of sorts? Good lord almighty. At this point myself and my team are hoping she quits but, honestly this is the second time she's been hostile to a member of management via text/messenger. She's threatening to go to HR and it really just shows how much she doesn't take responsibility for. Her actions will have HR suspended or outright firing her, so by all means, call 'em. 
  Well it's time to settle down and get some sleep. I'll post some pictures from my grandparents. Two are me and my Papa when I was little little and two have my mom in them which is extremely rare. The sprint car one, my mom is on the right in red and my birth father is on the bottom to the left. My uncle is in the back left in the racing suit. The second one is my Papa and mom sitting next to each other. 

 

Layouts! | Photobucket


0 likes, 0 comments
Bored
by nerdy_bree
Is This Costa Mesa?

 

I'm so bored. I wish it was already time to go see my husband. I just have to make it through one more week. Thank God for Google Duo. Husband and I have been video chatting every night after he gets back to the hotel from work. I was off yesterday and today, so I got my nails done and watched Fairy Tail to pass the time. Today I'm finally folding my laundry and then I'm going to go grocery shopping. Not entirely sure what I'm getting but I definitely want to make Mongolian beef in my insta pot, and this chili I made before that was delicious. I'm thinking of taking my insta pot with me to visit husband so I can make dinners while I'm out at the pool or in the gym lol. We shall see. 
 

Work is definitely keeping me busy and my mind off husband not being here. We have an HR walk next month and we're trying to make sure we have all our HR plays up to date and accurate. Which, unfortunately has caused drama. I have an associate that use to be in my position (due to a management rework from Corporate and her being on a Final for attendance she wasn't eligible to keep the position) but has stayed on as a cashier that I'm starting to wish hadn't. She always has issues with the other cashiers and some of our customers. She has told me that there are contractors that come in and ask personal questions in Spanish to her even thought she's never been that personal with them, or saying that one cashier or another is talking shit about her to customers or they aren't calling people to their registers leaving her to do it all. Going back to the HR walk, one of the HR plays is to have our associates wear badges indicating if they speak another language. Since I know J does not feel comfortable with some of our Spanish speaking customers, I wanted to give her a heads up and work with her on finding a solution to keep her comfortable and keep us from getting dinged for the badges. Apparently I should have just not said anything to her because before I could finish speaking she got extremely defensive and would not let me say anything. Kept cutting me off and saying "Maybe I should just call HR because management doesn't want to do anything about it." I got frustrated and said "Do what you got to do. I'm trying to come up with a game plan with you but I guess I shouldn't have told you at all, then, huh?" 

J went on to go to our in house HR and claim my 2nd in command was laughing during this and retaliated by sending her to a register to cover a lunch. I had to explain to HR that her account was inaccurate and I would not be reprimanding my 2nd in command for telling J that the world doesn't revolve around her. I did talk to my team (I have 6 back ups) that they need to be careful who they joke with going forward and to also be sure that they are sending associates to certain spots for the needs of the store not because they pissed us off. It was fucking redundant because my team already knows this and executes that play every day. Not to mention management has investigated J's claims but her witnesses claim they didn't hear or witness what J is claiming happened and our video cameras doesn't have audio. So go ahead and call corporate HR because we have the paper trail to prove we've investigated to the best of our ability and no one is backing your claims 🤷🏻‍♀️. 
 

I just don't understand why someone would continue to stay somewhere were they are so unhappy, on top of having an almost hour and half commute when there are like two locations closer to where they live. It don't make sense to me. But I guess that's none of my business. I can't wait for the week+ I'm about to have off. Thank the gods above it's just 5 shifts away.

Also, enjoy a picture of my baby girl Ariel sitting on my laundry.

Layouts! | Photobucket


0 likes, 1 comment
The bread machine
by Zombie Steve

I bought a bread machine recently. It was a two pound bread machine. Turns out that isn't very big... so I sold that and bought a THREE pound bread machine. It's about the right size for my family.

Lately I've been trying to get into things like this. Bread making is like magic to me. You put a bunch of crap in there and out comes a loaf. WHAT? It's insane. I'm getting really good and getting the mixture right. I converted everything to grams since it's so much easier to use a scale. The routine right now is that I start the loaf at night and Michelle will cut it up in the morning. The kids love the bread.

Honestly, initially I bought the machine because I figured I could save a little on bread. Now I actually prefer it.

Anyway. I guess I should post more random crap like this. 🤣


1 like, 7 comments
Papa’s house
by nerdy_bree

Went up to my Papa's house today. My uncle has been going through the house and getting it ready to sell. Sounds like there's an offer on it already, and it's a small world lol. The daughter of my grandparents neighbors wants to buy it. We use to run amock in that house during the summer. I hope they accept their offer. It kind of feels like it's staying in the family and that gives me a little peace of mind. 
 

I am kind of annoyed with my uncle and his wife. They made it sound like it was borderline hoarder status and it wasn't. They claimed there was a really bad leak in the kitchen and damage but there were no signs of damage or even repairs to fix damage. Also basically anything of value was gone. Jewelry, china set, expensive fishing equipment all gone. Just pictures, furniture, and smoke damaged items left. Papa was a heavy smoker. 
 

I didn't really take much. I just want pictures; I did take a homemade Christmas tree skirt and cast iron pot. Husband took some tools and fishing lures and polls. I'm glad my husband got some tools and fishing stuff because he'll actually use and not pawn it. I'll get the pictures after the memorial because my Uncle wants to use them. Once I remember how to load pictures I'll post a few of my grandparents. 


0 likes, 2 comments
365 days
by Concrete Rose
It's been 365 days since Mark last talked to me. An entire trip around the sun. I wonder how many tears I've cried. How many ounces or possibly gallons.

I still miss him. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. I'm sick of reading books that have a character with that name. I'm sick of watching tv shows that have a character with that name. I'm sick of reading magazine articles where an expert has that name. Until 1 year ago it never phased me. Now I can't get away from it.

Last year on July 11, the weather was shitty. I wasn't able to be in my pool. If I was, things would've turned out a lot differently. This year on July 11 the weather was gorgeous.

Last week I read this book and it destroyed me. The last few chapters were the worst and afterwards I cried my eyes out. My life is not a book. There is no happy ending. Had I read that book 1 year and 1 week ago, it wouldn't have affected me the way it did. It's funny what kind of an impact a book can have on you depending on what you're going through in life.

I hardly dream about him anymore. I can go months without having one. Last month I had a dream about Tom, similar to one I had in the past. He tries to come back into my life and I want nothing to do with him. A few weeks later I had one about Mark, and it was similar to one I had in the past. He's still with his wife and I'm 2nd best. The worst part about this dream? He was still married and seeing another girl and I was now 3rd best. I have never been #1 to Mark. And just like in real life, he still comes crawling to me. It's like it doesn't matter how many girls he has, he still comes back, but I am never THE best. I am never the ONLY best.

I just want to know when my heart will stop hurting. I just want to know when I will stop replaying July 11, 2021 over and over and over.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
0 likes, 0 comments
Unlovable?
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

It is time I told the truth. Figured it was time I wrote something new instead of regurgitating my past posts. My bones are so tired but I am going to write this, and if you think that I should be positive ( a liar ) than just keep scrolling. IF however you want the TRUTH then read on:

I have had a perpetual problem with letting go of the past all my life. And people keep telling me to let the past stay dead. But you dont understand a few things. 1. I dont remember 80 percent of my life. 2. I got stuck emotionally and maturing wise at 17 years old. I am 17. Understand that and you might assimilate who I am. 3. The worst and best memories I have is in the past. The present is a loop that I cannot get out of, every single day. If people knew who I really was, they would run away. Even you. And that is fine with me.

Its time I told the truth.

You know me as sick Morgie Lymie Fibro NO THYROID Trish. Desperate, helpless, up shit creek without a paddle Trish. THAT IS NOT WHO I AM. Its just who I have had to be, to survive thus far.

I am a little girl who was born into a world where every look, word, touch, tone-of-voice, traumatized her. Unconditional love, unrestricted love, overlooked so many wrongs done against me, people stealing money from me right before my eyes, someone cutting half my hair off while asleep, stealing my clothes, music, books, food, drugs, cigarettes, and worst of all, pieces, parts, and fragments of my heart and soul. Every time they hurt me, I FELT BAD FOR THEM AND INSTANTLY FORGAVE. What?! They thought they would teach me a lesson, thought that I WAS GULLIBLE WHICH I WAS, therefore I deserved what I got. WHY? Wtf.

They called me monster, and therefore I became it. They said I was stupid and worthless. I WAS PURE HEARTED AND THEY COULDNT WAIT TO HELP ME CORRUPT MYSELF. There was 2 me's. The pure, unconditional loving one, and the one that when she did a certain drug, would do anything and anyone to get it. And people were all too ready to help me be a whore so we could share the drugs we got from it. Yes you are reading this correctly. And there was a darkness in me that was very POWERFUL, especially when angry, and people helped that along too.

But the blond haired sweet girl was in there screaming and pulling me back, and if you knew the truht youd probably hate me. THERE WAS ONLY ONE OF US ( ME ) THAT WAS GOING TO MAKE IT OUT ALIVE. I turned into the monster. And people did what they did when I was a teenager, they ran away, they abandoned me EVERYONE THAT I KNEW GROWING UP, EVERYONE I THOUGHT LOVED ME, EVERY HOMESCHOOL PERSON, EVERY OTHER PERSON. Gone. And yet they said they loved me. i cant take this anymore. NOONE ON HERE KNOWS ME cept the ones who knew me in person. i cant take it anymore. im either going to delete fb or tell the truth and be the real me.

Right before your very eyes...........I am slipping into this push and pull. PEOPLE are telling me to let go of the past. They dont comprehend thats the only place I ever felt anything real. This person for 7 years has been SICK and SCARED and ALONE and GUINEA PIGGED BY PEOPLES MEDICINES AND HERBS TO DEATH AND BACK A THOUSAND TIMES. I AM NOT EVEN PHYSICALLY REAL ANYMORE. BUT OH MY HEART YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

I AM TOO INTENSE FOR THIS WORLD!!!!!! I feel TOO MUCH.

I AM NOT WHAT THIS WORLD WANTED TO SEE OR HEAR.

I WAS REJECTED SINCE BIRTH. So technically I am what you made me. Be proud, bitches. Fuck.

I have thought so many times of killing the good in me. But I found out the hard way that was impossible.

Where are the people who said they loved me. NOWHERE. Scared of me? Angry with me? I burned all the bridges? Why? Because I was REAL AND RAW AND UGLY AND THEY COULDNT DEAL.

I wish more than anything in this world to go back to before any of this. And I cant.

Oh please!!!!!!! Dont you understand there are people like me who die at 25 and arent buried till they are 70. I dont feel like you, my skin is fake, my neck held up by a LIE. And all of you just...........Think you know what youre talking about. Before Jehovah God, you know NOTHING. I pray to God you never are targeted to the level I am. You think you know pain? BE IN MY SHOES FOR AN HOUR. Im done. Last negative post that I will write on purpose. Dont tell me how to be, feel, speak, articulate, I HATE LABELS. I love SOULS regardless of the gender. I love women.

I have been in love with the same person for 11 years. And she wont even talk to me. There is too much. So much. PAIN. And there was never a way to move ON to go ON to live ON.

Goshdarnit I could write all night and once again make my fingers bleed but it wouldnt be worth it because you still wouldnt comprehend.

Just try to practice lovingkindness to any and everyone you meet.

You got no fucking clue what they are going through. Peace. Love, The Monster.

''Another love taken to the grave. Another one goes right down the drain. I keep making all the same mistakes. Is there anyone left to believe? Is there any good still left in me? I keep slipping further underneath. Thought I had a heart of gold

Everything I touch turns to stone

Is it my fault I always end up alone?

Well, maybe I'm just difficult

Maybe I'm impossible

Maybe I'm just one step over the edge

You're one foot out the door

Maybe I'm emotional

Too much to handle

Maybe I'm unlovable

Unlovable.................'''


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I confronted my roommate this morning. He walked away and I heard him yelling about "EGGSHELLS", from his area of the house. I texted him that he isn't walking on eggshells. I'm half tempted to copy and paste the Convo here, tbh but who wants to read that?

Anyway, he was mad, I called him out for claiming eggshells... I pointed out the many times I had asked him to smoke outside from day one. I pointed out that I compromised and literally tried everything he suggested, from sprays of sorts, to incense, to candles, to smoker buddy options, to him blowing into a dryer sheet covered tube, to smoking with the window wide open, to putting a fan in said wide open window...

I reminded him that i told him no one has been allowed to smoke in the house unless it's during a party/ once in a while kind of event.

I reminded him of every time I hinted that his dabbing inside was negatively affecting me. That I even tried to be understanding about the winter months being too cold to smoke outside and that I was more than accommodating about it, but stated that when the weather changed and became warmer, I would really like him to smoke outside instead. He ignored my texts. I pointed out that I needed to heal from my brain injury soon before it's too late. He ignored me. I stated that I can only do so much but that I've literally asked nicely in every way I can and how not he and my boyfriend seem not to care that they are causing me pain by choosing to be self centered; my boyfriend when it comes to cleaning/not cleaning up after himself, and roommate by not cleaning up after himself, or his dog, never cleaning his bedroom, letting piles of smelly trash and food and dishes pile up for MONTHS, and only cleaning up after I told him he had to because I am having the house appraised... 

He gave me a weird attitude about it, and then it got even worse after the pipe in his room burst because my request for him to clean the ever loving fuck out of his area/room suddenly became a priority and more of a rush order request than one he was able to put off for three more weeks.
He did clean up but it upsets me that I had to ask him repeatedly to do it... 

And then basically remind him that hey, you love in my house, which is not a separate unit but a bedroom in my basement... You create a mess, it is going to create bad smells... And it's going to make.the house smell. Ugh, my best friend stated to me that when she was here a few weeks ago, before the pipe broke, she could smell raunchy gross funky smells coming from my basement/roommates area. I was embarrassed! I fucking hate smelly smells in my house! Am I a prude? I had one rule: I don't care if it's messy, as long as it doesn't smell bad. 

If it smells bad, plz clean it up. Instead, my boyfriend refused and fought with me for the last year since my car accident caused my injury causing me to no longer have the same abilities to clean up after us/me and him and everyone else, and instead of being able to go home and rest my brain per Dr orders, I have cooked, cleaned, and catered to two men and two puppies for the last year and 4 months.


I finally snapped... Am I the bad guy?
The sad part about today's confrontation was when I was texting, trying to say, "hey, I'm not trying to be mean I need this to heal my brain. I'm sad because I feel I don't matter to you or my boyfriend based on your actions and his".


I pointed out that just talking about it was causing me to have a panic attack. Then I pointed out that I was literally chewing on chewable aspirin bkuz I needed to trick my broken brain into knowing i was not going to have a heart attack and die, even though my heart beat was erratic from this stressful confrontation. I called my mom, who walked me through some breathing exercises to help calm me down.


Roommate finally responded by saying he does care. He will smoke outside from now on. But that there are things bothering him that he feels he's having to deal with hence why he feels he's having to walk on eggshells. I the proceeded to probe for more info so I can understand how he is being affected by my actions, and begged him to tell me what is up. I told him we haven't lived together before and that it's trial and error and that is okay. As long as we can talk ad are all willing to resolve it all as it comes. He retracted his comment saying. Nevermind.


It wasn't a big deal. He took it back. He felt bad for mentioning it's my brain went into over drive, hyper drive even and I started asking him if any of my flaws, house habits had upset him. I told him no after the issue, I'm willing to listen and learn from my mistakes but that my only way of being able to fix anything was knowing what the issue was to begin with. I told him I can't read his mind and that he can talk to me if he wants to, when he is ready... And then I told him I cared about security and safety for everyone to be happy here. He never responded.


My bf is out of town until Sunday. Idk what his intentions are, tbh. I've realized he s abit narc/toxic by nature. He is around 13- emotionally and it has really been difficult to get him to understand how he has created some bad situations for us/me/himself.

The fact that we really only argue about the chores and me hiring housekeeping help...Oh, right. She bailed last minute.   The fact that he left Sunday, didn't tell me he was leaving, no idea where he stayed, and no word since and it's fucking THURSDAY... I know he had to work a show from Monday to this Sunday. Where was he Sunday night??? Do I have a right to know? Should I ask? Should I call j, or would I just give him my power doing so? Should I wait til he reaches out to me? If he doesn't, but comes home Sunday/Monday and acts like all os normal, do I let it all go? 

Do I help pay for the housekeeper? How can I help roommate feel comfortable smoking outside now? It isn't my job to cater to two grown ass men who should be willingly working to make our living situation run smoothly. 

I would love to have the men in my life, act like responsible adults. 

 


0 likes, 1 comment

 I own my own home. I did not want to own my home but I reluctantly allowed my boyfriend to talk me into buying it three years ago. He pays half of everything. I cook, I clean, he fixes things when they break. He doesn't clean up after himself. This was acceptable, or at least doable until I caught my concussion in February of last year, from a seemingly not so severe car accident. My brain blew up and then it shut down in May, a few months post car accident. 

Since then, we took in a roommate, my boyfriend's fri nd of 8 years or so. He pays half of the mortgage for a much large space in our basement. We live upstairs. We share all common areas, and we both have a dog. 

When he moved in, I knew he smoked dab & weed. It didn't bother me. My concussion is not healing though and because of my post concussive symptoms, I have mad to greatly modify my lifestyle and surroundings;. Lights, smells, movement, color, etc. I am also fortunate enough to work at home. This has helped me to heal more rapidly VS if I were to have to be in the office. Lucky me, I guess. 

Roommate has lived under our roof for at least 6 months now. The following events have occurred while he has been a tenant:

1. I asked him to smoke his bud outside. He said he didn't want to because it's cold and risky. We live in UT. He could get a license to smoke but has chosen not to. I have suggested he do this. He has refused. 

2. Roommates dog brutally attacked my dog. He still owes 200$ in medical costs for this. Though this was an isolated incident, I keep a very close eye on the two of them when they are together now. I think, initially, play turned into rough play and because they were outside unattended, things got out of hand. 

3. I told roommate that his area downstairs is his and his dog is free to roam there. His dog is not free to roam upstairs unattended. That space belongs to my dog. This is her house, not his, not his dog's house. He reluctantly agreed. 

4. Roommates dog destroyed my vacuum cord. He promised to fix it. He never did. I finally said something about it and he said he would "fix it". I politely declined and told him I would prefer he replaced the cord all together. He didn't want to. He still hasn't replaced it. After waiting for almost 4 months, I told him Im done waiting. I am taking the cost to have it replaced, out of his deposit. He didn't say a word. 

I started to become more symptomatic after a bad neurologist made a mistake. I expressed that the smell of the dab and pot in the house makes my symptoms worse. Roommate ignored me when I mentioned smoking outside, again, but bought various alternatives to combat the smell. He also bought a fan for his window. 

6+ months of this guy living in my basement and a water pipe burst in his room. I was denied access because it was his bed time and he had to wrong the next day. He threw a toddler style fit to let me know he wasn't happy that I expected to see the water damage as soon as it was brought to my attention, around 10 pm. He cried to my boyfriend and yelled at me. Somehow, I was the asshole in the situation. 

Three weeks after the pipe mess was resolved, I noticed the house smelling like dab and weed again first thing in the morning after roommate left for work. 

I messaged him to tell him this. I told him if he is going to continue to insist on smoking in my house, do find a way so I don't smell it, and so the smoke alarm doesn't continue to go off each time he forgets to blow it out the window.  He apologized, stating he ran out of spray and didn't have the money to get more...

Mind you, this guy has a job when he moved in. 

Got fired for being aggressive with staff, and then he lived off of his 401k until it was gone. He barely made rent the last two months. Then he even went behind my back and gave a sob story to my boyfriend about why rent was going to be late. Leaving me out of it completely. 

Mortgage due on the 15th. His rent is due no later than the 14th. All of it. Not part of it, ALL of it. This was the deal when he moved in. My boyfriend is going back on what he agreed to when I agreed to let his friend move in. Mind you, I'm the only one on the mortgage. 

My boyfriend is a softy, but also a total child when it comes to handling real things. I should also mention, we are all in the mid to late 30's range. We agreed that he would handle anything and everything to do with his friend living here if anything comes up needing to be discussed or handled. That is not happening anymore. 

We had two other roommates prior to this dude moving in, and heach was a nightmare. The recent roommate is ok but he is a total slob, only cleans up after himself and his dog when asked or told to do it. I have to ask him to take out the garbage, to vacuum his area, to clean up after his dog, etc. It took him 3 months of living here before he ever went outside to clean up his dog's poo! I personally haven't been able to clean up after my own dog, but had tried so many times to get everyone in the house to pitch in on a dog poo cleaning service because I was post concussion healing and really struggling with just the basics.  I bought three 30$ pooper scoopers to get the job done by all living in the house. I was the only one who at least TRIED to clean up. I finally put the scoopers on the porch and told roommate to get it done. He kind of snapped back and said he would do some of it but not all. It took everything in me to bite my tongue... Like, dude, you sit around blowing your money on coke and beer and vacations. You don't clean the house or even your room. Your dog has had her heat and you still haven't bathed her. Fucking kidding me??? I broke down finally and he overheard me crying, literally crying to my mom about how my house is falling apart now that I have my brain injury and cannot keep up with the chores and that nobody is helping me, or even respecting me or my needs. 

I am officially done doing things this way!

I hired help (last night) to get my house clean every week while I am still in severe post concussiom status. Just the basics; kitchen, bathroom, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, putting things away, throwing away mountains of my boyfriend's beer cans and boxes, etc., and washing dishes. 

My boyfriend doesn't know that I have made these plans official yet. Actually, he is on a working vacation out of town, and we are not currently speaking because he is mad I nicely asked him to pick up after himself before leaving for his working vacation. I told him I cannot keep cleaning up after him right now. I explained that it is no wonder my brain isn't healing..

in order to heal said brain injury, I am 100%  required to relax to heal and I haven't so I'm not healing. He tried to argue and I responded by quickly snapping back that I'm stressed only because he refuses to help me by cleaning up after himself. That we only wrlcer argue over THAT. I told him I was leaving, to plz lmk when he is done cleaning up and I will come home. I left, went shopping for the house like I always do, made it home three hours later, found his car gone, hisesses partially cleaned up, and he refused to answer when I called him the first time so... I have not bothered him at all since my call attempt Sunday. 

I am feeling suicidal tonight. I cut when I'm stressed. It has calmed down a lot since I caught my TBI because of the severe impact his has on my symptoms flaring up. I keep wondering WHY I AM STILL HERE. 

I am in Hell. I have had a continuous migraine since February of 2022, after a stupid nurse gave me 8 too many Botox/lidocaine combo injections into my head and neck when they knew I was only to have maybe 2 or three... And all I'm trying to do is navigate the chaotic and unfamiliar waves of my new life, living with this injury. I just want to heal. I cannot heal if I have to keep doing everything for everyone, reminding grown men to flush the brown remnants of the shit they've released from their bowels, or to throw away their fucking garbage instead of leaving it on the counter, two feet away from the can. To clean up after themselves, roommate and his dog. No, instead, he mows the lawn, with picks up some of the dog shit, but smashes the rest into the grass! I keep this bottled. I get yelled at for having an opinion. I cook dinner, I also clean up after myself. I also put it away. I shop, I carry the groceries in and put them away by myself. Do I get a thank you? No, I get ball busted by two dudes who live in my fucking house, who I owe NOTHING TO... but cannot seem to get through to. The roommate is one thing, but my own boyfriend? Guess who is paying for the house keeper!? Not me! 

Guess who is being told they're not allowed to smoke in my house anymore starting tomorrow? My fucking roommate, that's who!!! I am going to tell him if he does it anymore, I am going to charge him 100$ every time. If he wants to lose his deposit, fine. He has 300$ of it left to blow. 3 x, and he signs his own 30 day notice. 

No, we never signed a lease. Yes, stupid me. I know. I live, I learn. I tried to write it out, my brain couldn't process it. It caused more stress than what it seemed to have been worth at the time. I understand the errors of my ways... And I am the reason I'm being taken advantage of. I get that. I need to grow a pair and stand up for myself and for my house... And I need to heal, with, or without my boyfriend. 

 


1 like, 3 comments

I won't write much for now. It's just kinda weird, TODAY bloop popped into my mind. So, yeah I pulled the page up and couldn't remember my password, had to reset it. So much has taken place in this world, in our nation since my last entry. 

I'm well, my family, all are well, thank GOD! 

It's just weird that I come here and honestly don't see anyone I recognize. Way back when I first joined which was probably 20 yrs ago... there were so many here and we all had a wondeful time sharing our life stories, day after day, I was able to talk to alot of younger people and try give advice that would help to make their lives better. I prayed with many of them too. 

It's good to have a place to come and share the ups and downs in a person's life. We all just MUST stay safe, they do have many people online with evil intentions. 

So, I popped in to say hello to everyone. and May the good Lord keep you ALL safe. 

Maybe another time, I will write more and fill in more what all, I been up to, since long ago. 

until then..... :)


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Recent Forum Reply
Forum Thread: Diamond Painting
Forum: Art
Yes we are! And yes that is exactly what they are! Some people sell them, I enjoy doing them but I don't hang things on my walls because I rent and I don't want to have to fix walls when I move out lol. I am thinking of trying Facebook Marketplace first and if not, etsy. I already have a shop there.

I remember using BloopDiary obsessively when I was about 11.

Here I am now 27 years old, thought to look up the website and see if I could find my old diary. It would have been funny to reread.

Alas, it is gone... but maybe that's for the best. I would have cringed for sure.

Anyhow, I was surprised to find Bloop is still going and in about the same shape it was when I left it!

I've lost all rembembrance of the HTML formatting and other fun stuff I did.

I have definitely missed the customizability of the early internet, before all content was filtered between the same 5 social media sites.

Oh god, I'm doing a "back in my day", aren't I?

YOU DANG WHIPPERSNAPPERS WITH YOUR TIK TOKS GET OFF MY LAWN!!

Ah. I feel better.

 

So I'm not sure what to write here or how much. We'll see how I feel.

TTYL

~Cat


1 like, 5 comments
Hey all! Beth here, your community organizer!

I have had the privilege of witnessing the geekathon going on between diary site owner, Steve Collison, and our site developer Mark Rose and I have to say without giving it all away that big ideas have been thrown out there.

What do you guys think about this:

There may be bloopers who have budding podcasts, youtube channels, instagram accounts, and tiktok accounts. What if we made it possible for you to embed your account(s) to your diaries and it updated when you update said account so it gives you an avenue to gain more likes, follows, and traffic for you?

Would this be something you'd be excited to utilize on your diary?
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Hezzzzoooo!
by vatten m

Hezzzzzoooo (hello), all! May is over and June is here!  I am on summer break from school and Spiva.  What to do, what to do...it is a conundrum wrapped in a mystery.  

 

I did a massive bit of yardwork 3 days ago and am still recuperating from a sun-roast!  I am a fair skinned redhead who hasn't seen much sun this year due to work.  It was bound to happen.  It is nothing that I cannot handle.  

 

My high school friend, K, had a sad event in her life.  Her father died of liver cancer after only being diagnosed on May 13th.  He died 2 days after his 67th birthday...at the end of May.  His funeral has come and gone.  She and her family are in my thoughts and prayers.  That family is like a second family to me.  Her family is extremely close-knit.  I worry about them and their journey through grief.  

 

One of my cats is holding me down and, I believe, is out to get me.  I think he is trying to gas me out.  Pee-yoo!!!!  He is rank!

Okay, I am out of here.  I have go check into work.  Someone is sick and asking for a cover person. I hope that someone else volunteers but I am not holding my breath.  Or maybe I should....considering Bugerbutt's odorous torture...-- Your friendly neighborhood nose holder, Robyn


0 likes, 1 comment
June 2, 2022
by raen

Well....I lost my debit card last Saturday, and someone decided to use it and tap it everywhere. The bank has give me a new card and the money will be returned to me in the next week or so. But now I'm so paranoid I took the tap function off the card. This year is really doing a number on me. I also have to use a verbal password everytime I have to go into the bank, just for extra security. I've gone crazy. Simply crazy.

 

If I didn't have a handle on my mental health, I honestly think this year would have done me in. The amount of crap I've been handed so far for 2022 is out of this world. 

 

Oh, and I have an ocular migraine right now, so that's really nice. 


0 likes, 0 comments
Not Easier
by Concrete Rose
It's hard to believe, but it's been about 10.5 months since Mark last talked to me. And I still fucking miss him.

I still think about him every single fucking day. There are days when I don't think about him as much, but not a single day goes by that he doesn't cross my mind. It's amazing how many books and tv shows have characters with that name. I never realized how popular that name was. Or am I just noticing it because I miss him?

Yesterday Dad and I took the Winter cover off my pool, and it wasn't as easy as it was last year. And after I came inside, I cried because I thought of Mark. And I think I cried because I wish it was him helping me take the cover off. I wish he was here with me. And even today, I'm having issues with my filter, and it's frustrating because I have no one to ask. It's just me trying to figure shit out on my own. And I'm crying again, because I wish Mark was here and we could figure this out together. And I'm crying because I fucking miss him. It's as simple as that.

Missing him hasn't gotten any easier. I still wonder if he stayed with his wife or maybe he finally left her and is figuring his life out. Maybe he's with someone else. I wonder how much he's paying in gas. I wonder how his job is. I wonder if he still sleeps in his car. I wonder if he's complaining because they've already gotten weather in the 90's.

But does he think of me? When he hears my name, does he think of me? Does he still think of me when he cums? Does he wonder how my job is or how the weather is here? Does he wonder if I'm dating anyone? Do I cross his mind every single day?

He started talking to me again on June 1 and it's hard to believe that we are only a few days from that. It's hard to believe that it's already been almost a year. And what's worse, is that it's almost been a year since he stopped talking to me. It's been almost an entire year that I have wished for Mark to come back. It's been almost an entire year that I still haven't moved on.

I want to get married and I want to have kids and the clock is ticking and I am stuck because Mark ruined me. I feel like it's either Mark or no one and I cannot figure out how to move on and to find someone else to enjoy life with. How do you find someone else when you can't get someone else out of your mind. How do you find someone else when you miss another person. It is a daily struggle.
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STEWARDSHI*
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

STEWARDSHIP has been turned into STEWARDSHIT. Spent my life knowing how to read people. Learned early on what angers people and what calms them down. Body language, eyes, hands, shoulders, hands in pocket or out, they do self soothing mechanisms, hands legs, I became a human lie detector and even when I dont say anything? I see. I see you. Had to learn to use those things for self preservation, and outright survival of the physical mostly, but even the soul sometimes. Learn what people what to hear.

Spent my life despising labels, was born different and damaged. So being born into a world where every soul is compartmentalized and juidged and labeled and stuffed into boxes they dont belong in, and the rest of their lives are history. Recovering from this, being treated for that. Some people are born damaged, but that doesnt always mean that they need to be fixed. Labeled. Drugged. Tormented and rejected. All because of a system who makes trillions off keeping sick, physically and mentally. Trillions of dollars of busines in medical and psych.

What would happen if peopel were treated as someone who isnt broken? If people were allowed to heal? The system would be out of business, but my god, maybe kids would know what human really means, instead of always falling short of what they are ' supposed to act like, and be '.

Who decided what is sane and insane? If this world would abide by the 10 commandments alone, at least 90% of the need for this all important '' system '' that has taken the place of God in peoples lives, would be gone. This worlds version of suggess comes at way too high of a price. The buying and selling and trading and tricking people to agree, of HUMAN SOULS.

If I had listened, I would have a laundry list of so called diagnoses. So basically have spent my entire life running from the truth.

NOW, on the other hand? A system people either 1. aRE BLINDLY TRUSTING IN OR 2. Are badmouthing without the resources, knowledge or skill to do anything about, may be seen by some as being counterproductive. I want to be part of the solution, not the problem. If ' being honest ' means to go by labels given? It means acknowledging their labels and how they apply to me/us, and choosing to say NO I DONT ACCEPT YOUR JUDGMENT OF ME NO MATTER HOW MANY GENERATIONS ITS BEEN.

tHE NORMAL? To fight being controlled by a system that doesnt even truly want to see you get well.

I live in a world where gifted becomes ' SPECIAL NEEDS ' and differences are looked down upon. Why is it so important for them to make us all the same? That is impossible for some of us, we wouldnt be born damaged if the powers that be werent so threatened by us that they dumbed dowm generation after generation. Metals that cut off our abilities and connection to the creator. So when some are born with that halfway intact? We are healers, supernatural by definition. AND can hear God. The source of all. So that has become delusional, and skitzo? And that cookie cutter version of us has replaced true humanity. STEWARDSHIP has been turned into STEWARDSHIT. Stewardship of human life and this planet has been replaced with blindly obey - consume - destroy for profit and greed and teach the next generation to be even worse than us. ALL to fix the problems we created in the first place.

Theres nothing wrong with my generation except for being the victims of pride, greed, arrogance, make money wheel. The real American Way. I am grateful for so many reasons to have been born in the states. But wer are HUMANS. HU-(Bent angle ( angel ? ) of light MAN. Light in flesh. What exactly has that meaning become? Maybe Angels, light and love dont look like what we think.

Maybe it looks like me. Or you. Or the person homeless on the street. Maybe.......<3


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About to clean the living room. Imagine a world underground. I know what happens. I know where you go. I know all the pieces and none of the words.

So I look for a show, something to fill the silence. I just don't want to jump to the window at every car door. It's the neighbors. I just can't let the curiosity go if I hear it. It's not a traight I hope to nurture. Songs have always been distracting. The words stick to my memories, waiting to be stolen. So I look for a show. Something I don't have to watch but nothing so familiar it relaxes me to sleep. 

I want to be painting. 

I was painting this weekend, a Wednesday really. I told J "I watch people do this, watch their videos,"I pause  "and they stay completely clean. I never could do that." I wear a pink shirt covered in paint and marks from bleach and dye. My hands stained in purple. Changing is part of the ritual.

I told j once with paint on my hands that this is how I feel the most like myself. He mocks me with it pretty regularly now.  "I'm never baring my soul to you again!" I say with an eyeroll.

The baby cries and I realize these is no day we can hang out and paint together. I traded it.Someone has to be the active watcher so if I paint I will be lonely even when doing it together. We can't both make things with our hands.. Maybe next year. But for now I am thankful he gave me his time so I could get it done. And in the inbetween moments we sit in the sunshine right next to the dog.

I have not raided in a year. And it still hurts to even say it typed out alone to myself.

A is asleep now. I'll finish up. Maybe I'll have time to draw.

 


0 likes, 0 comments
May 17, 2022
by raen

Well, I'm alive. Yesterday was my first day back to work after covid. I was exhausted the entire time. Also, I couldn't walk and talk at the same time. LOL Feeling the need to catch my breath quite frequently. But I'm getting better. I just assume I'll be more tired than usual. Since I'm always tired anyway, that's not a new sensation. 

 

Also did some spring cleaning of my dresser today. I've put so much aside to be donated. Yeesh. Felt really satisfying, though. 

 

Ate a massive salad with tons of veggies for lunch, followed by a bowl of fresh fruit. Yum.


0 likes, 1 comment
May 11, 2022
by raen

You know how I said I only caught a cold? LOL 

 

I've got Covid now. And it's awful. Even with three shots of the vaccine. One can only assume I'm getting an extra special experience because of the lovely autoimmune disease I have. Wow do I feel like shit. Like, take it back. I don't need it. It's like a cold on crack. I'm too tired to do anything, but I can't really sleep all that much. My head feels foggy and full. The congestion is out of this world, folks. It's a treat. I can't even imagine what it's like without being vaccinated. Like holy shit man.  I'm over it now. I'd like to breathe now.


0 likes, 4 comments
Hello Bloopers!

Great news! Steve, Mark, and I are gearing up to start meeting again and planning the future of our great BloopDiary! We know we have much work to do though. As a community, we share this space and we feel it's important that everyone has a voice here. We want to hear from you because your opinion matters!

We would love for you to take a few moments and answer the following questions for us. All your answers will be helping us decide what next to do with the site!

1. What is your most favorite feature to use?
2. What is your least favorite feature to use?
3. What feature would you like to see added to Bloop that we currently do not have?
4. How easy is it to navigate around Bloop?
5. If you could change one thing, what would it be and why?
6. Any other comments, questions, or concerns you'd like to share?

NOTE: I have made all comments on this entry private so the only ones who can see your answers are you and us! If you feel it is easier for you to answer in a private message, that is also okay.

Thank you so much for your help,

Beth, Community Organizer
0 likes, 0 comments
May 5, 2022
by raen

Nothing too exciting to share with you all. Chris got Covid and I just got a cold. LOL The person with an autoimmune disease has avoided direct contact with Covid. I am magic.

 

Just got a cardboard cut under a fingernail today. That bled a lot. It also hurt. C'est la vie. Now I'm going for a walk with a friend around downtown and by the water. Ah, the joys of having a city on one of the Great Lakes. So nice.


0 likes, 2 comments
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Hello! :)
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To all Americans:

Here it is: November is upon us. How did it come so fast? I always feel the year has been shockingly fast every time this month comes around. For instance, the end of this month marks 1 year of living in our “forever home”. I just can’t believe it!

I have a question for all/:

What are you most thankful for? Are there any Thanksgiving memories? Traditions?

For instance, in my family someone always makes “tortilla treats” that is always part of Thanksgiving meal. We make them for Christmas and New Years, too. Only this time of year for some reason!

-Jamie. ❤️
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NOJOMO Day 1 prompt is posted! Remember that you have the end of the day tomorrow, November 1, to sign up if you want to be eligible for a prize!
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LOL I like it!
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Did it fall off on account of flat earth? Asking for a friend.....
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Thank you for "exterminating" the issue ;)
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