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Welcome to BloopDiary.com, a journaling website designed for both teens and adults. BloopDiary.com hosts a collection of diaries comprised of HTML, graphics, poetry, and real events in our member's lives. Our member's enjoy a small community, where quality of service is much more important than the quantity of diarists, which helps to give each of our members a premium diary service. With support staff available almost 24/7, we strive to give you the best support we can provide.

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May 9, 2021
by raen

Happy Mothers Day to the moms out there.

 

Today, Kai and I made a decision to start writing a coming of age book that is based on our own experiences. We've got a lot of stories from our childhood to start with. I'm feeling pretty good about it.  I'm going to gather some stories and memories from family members as well to incorporate them in as well. I think I'll need a Pseudonym, though. My real name inspires thoughts of porn stars and not author. Lol No one looks at a book written by "Tiffany" and thinks, this will be a good read. They're going to think "Pornography?" LOL Oh well. This will probably take us years to write, but I think it'll be worth it. If not for anything else, I want us both to have copies of it. But it would be pretty cool to publish it and have people enjoy it. 

 

In other news, I'm in the middle of a full body ache/exhaustion situation. I'm having a flare without the hives and I'm irritated and exhausted. I went to work today and dragged my feet the entire day. It took me ages to complete any of my tasks. It was such a task. Ugh. I hate days like this. I feel so useless and it's frustrating. I feel like crawling into bed and not getting up for days. Blaaaahhhhhh Bur instead, I am writing down ideas for a book. 

 

 


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.x. Getting Easier
by Darenda

So, things between me and David aren't as tense and are getting easier, but he is still a dick regardless.  I'm loving the hell out of Jacob.  Like, I feel like he gets me.  He listens to me bitch, even when I'm probably rude as fuck to him. I don't mean to be like that, just comes with the territory I guess.  I know I enjoy talking to him, or not even talking, just sitting on the phone and knowing he's there.  There's talk about him moving down here, but he has to figure out a transfer with his job.  His current job, there aren't any openings, he could take another job with the same company, it would just be a HUGE paycut for him and I don't want him to do that.  Like, he's living comfortable you know?  It'd be selfish of me to take that away.  I know he could give me and the kids a really nice life, but that's not what I want from him.  Of COURSE I'd love my own place, but it's more than that.  He shouldn't sacrafice just to make me happy.  Couples have to make sacrafices together, I just dont know what my sacrafice needs to be yet :(.


1 like, 0 comments
entry 12
by eyeore's twin


finally a hotspot

So since I got my CGM things have been great well my first week 3 sensors failed but customer service was great this time i ordered some patches that goes over it and it's working better and a great help

Finally this week I got a hotspot for Bren and I to share at the house it's so nice not having to go downtown to deal with our online business

things between Bren and I are better I guess we're communicating a little better

My biological dad and I are I don't know he seems to think I am the only one who can try in my relationship with my sister I mean I do understand her issues with me I mean when things went bad with my mom I got on a plane told them I would be back in a few weeks and never came back so now shes the only one left to take care of my Mom but I can't help it speaking of my mom I've been having nightmares about her lately and the other night I dreamed that she killed me and that everyone at my funeral were happy I was gone. I know I probably need to make an appointment with my therapist and maybe need to talk to my ned provider as well.

I went to my primary care Dr. and it was a mess his office called and said he needed to see me so I go and I want to talk to him anyway cause my hair is falling out in clumps and so I get there and hes confused why i'm there and figures I haven't seen the new diabetic Dr and is having his nurse call him to find out why then I had to stop him and then tell him his office called me to come in and I tell him about my hair and was like do you have a thyroid issue and he refilled my fibro meds and said i'll see you in 6 months so I guess when I see my Endo in July I'll ask him. I got my first vaccine last week so in a few I'll get my final one.

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Again Huge Battle...
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

Been a huge battle to write this. They have been hitting me hard. Degrading. Tormenting. Hurting. Sitting here. Had to go inside and then outside the house about 3 times now. Taken me hours to begin. I have had so many people tell me t hat I shouldnt put myself out there emotionally on facebook AKA fakebook because it shows weakness and it allows people to take advantage of me which has happened several times, resulting in my own interview  being stolen and told it would be used for something evil weather I like it or not. Yeah. Fun times. But what they dont get is that I have been on here for 11 years and always bared my heart and soul, so I guess I really dont see the point in stopping now, when everyone who watches me knows I have worn my heart on my sleeve my entire whole life. I am making boundaries for myself now, which is extremely hard for me, like hard like when a fish is caught in a hook and cant get away, that is how I feel. Because, I am someone who does not always know what balance is, in an experiential way. Like, I am one extreme or the other. But if you had had to live through what I have for 30 years, and esp the past 8? I will be honest with you, most of you would not have made it this far. Not that I dont believe in you, but I  have had friends who were NOWHERE near bad as me,. andthey killed themselves. It still hurts. Shoutout to Janet Murray, my dear sweet friend. I didnt say any of that to condemn you, only to try to get people to comprehend. Which is pointless. So I will jsut be me, and say whatever I want. I cant swallow properly, there is something like...As if layers of skin, or cheesecloth type thing has taken over my throat, and rerouted my whole body. I can prove everything that i wil,l say btw. I have learned the hard way to only speak the things that can be proven to the naked eye. At least on here. The lies of spies and the friends of Job are everywhere, aren't you? I see you. 

ANYWAYS I just feel so defeatedf alot of the time, and I know so many of you can relate to that, because its like you try everything everyone suggests and they are so gosh darn excited about what CURED them then their excitement rubs off on you and you spend every last penny on these things, these stupid material things, and then they dotn work, or if they do, its only temporary. Heres a small tip for ya. WHAT WORKS FOR ONE PERSON MAY NOT WORK FOR YOU. AND NOT ONLY MAY IT NOT WORK FOR YOU  BUT WHAT HELPED THEM MAY HURT YOU. That is why I implore you to turn to God and Jesus Christ THE REAL ONE NOT THE FAKE ONE, CUZ THE FAKE ONE IS MEAN AS ALL GET OUT. But the real Jesus Christ of Nazareth, NEVE3R CONDEMNS YOU. SO ALL YOU OUT THERE USING THE NAME OF CHRIST TO INFLICT HURT AND PAIN, AND DISCOURAGE THE PEOPLE OF GOD AND THOSE WHO WILL BE BROUGHT INTO THE FOLD? SHAME ON YOU AND THE LORD REBUKE YOU. I am clean, by the blood of Jesus and guess what? FATHER GOD FORGAVE ME OF ALL MY SINS HE DOES NOT WITHHOLD FORGIVENESS WHEN WE ASK FOR IT. So many are using the Bible and God as weapons to accuse and hurt us. STOP IT BECAUSE THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE DOES NOT TAKE KINDLY WHEN YOU HURT HIS BABYGIRLS AND HIS SONS. Okay. Ive said my peace about that. 

GETTING THE FLESHLY THINGS OUT OF OUR LIVES IS HARDER THAN YOU THINK. I MEAN JUST FOR THOSE COFFEE DRINKERS OUT THERE, I WILL USE THAT AS AN EXAMPLE. WHAT WOULD YOU DO OR SAY IF GOD ASKED YOU TO QUIT DRINKING IT FOR SAY 3 WEEKS STRAIGHT? I KNOW I KNOW, YOUD SAY YES OF COURSE I WILL. JUST WAIT TILL ABOUT THE 2ND OR 3RD DAY. I KNOW YOU GUYS CAN DO IT, I BELIEVE IN YOU, MY SOUL FAMILY, BUT LISTEN.......THE THINGS OF THIS WORLD THE COFFEE, THE NICE CLOTHES, THE CARS, THE JEWELRY THE FAST FOOD THE THINGS YOU DO TO COMFORT YOURSELF IN THIS WORLD THAT IS NOT GOD? WHAT IF THEY WERE JUST GONE AND ALL YOU HAD WAS YOURSELF AND GOD. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? BECAUSE THAT TIME IS COMING SOONER THAN YOU THINK AND YOU NEED TO BE READY TO HAVE THE EARTH, HOPEFULLY YOUR FAMILY...AND GOD. AND THE CLOTHES ON YOUR BACK. BECAUSE THE THINGS WE CLING SO DESPERATELY TO RELALY ARE GOING TO NOT BE AVAILABLE TO US AT SOME POINT, AND THAT IS WHY GOD IS SO URGENT NOW ABOUT THESE THINGS. THESE THINGS THAT WE TURN TO FOR COMFORT, LOVE STABILITY, ROUTINE, OH THE ROUTINES. THE TRYING TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM FIBERS AND MOLD. OH MY GOD, IF YOU ONLY COMPREHENDED WHAT WILL HAPPEN. I LOVE YOU. WE NEED TO CHANGE, GUYS. WE REALLY  NEED TO CHANGE. AND FAST. I MEAN REALLY QUICKLY. ALL THESE THINGS? THEY WILL FADE...THEY WILL BE...RENDERED USELESS IF THE3RES NO ELECTRICITY. 

PERSONALLY I GREW UP CAMPING AND ROUGHING IT, SO IM GOOD WITH CAMPFIRES AND MAKING FOOD OVER THAT. BUT EVENTUALLY THE FOOD WILL RUN OUT. WE WILL SEE. ALL IM SAYING IS THAT WE REALLY NEED TO WORK ON GIVING UP THINGS NOW, ONE AT A TIME, AS YOUR HOLY SPIRIT LEADS YOU. ITS REALLY EASY TO IGNORE THE SPIRITS VOICE, OR TO TELL YOURSELF THAT WAS THE ENEMY, THAT WAS AI, THAT WAS MY OWN THOUGHT, THAT WAS THE DEVIL A DEMON A HOAX. YOUR GUT KNOWS WHEN ITS THE HOLY SPIRIT AND GOING AGAINST IT IS ALWAYS COSTLY, I AM LIVING PROOF OF THAT. DONT BE LIKE I WAS. DONT TAKE THE PATH OF RUNNING AWAY FROM THE THINGS THAT HUNT YOU DOWN AND HAUNT YOU. TURN AND FACE THEM. ITS THE ONLY WAY. I WISH I COULD GO BACK AND DO JUST THAT. OH HOW I WISH THAT. I WISH IT VERY MUCH. MY HEART BREAKS AT THE PAIN I HAVE CAUSED BECAUSE I WAS RUNNING FROM THE SUFFERING, AND YET BECAME SUFFERING ITSELF. PAIN INSIDE AND WITHOUT. I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU GUYS ARE HURTING. I AM SO SORRY THAT THEY HURT YOU. I AM SO SORRY THAT THINGS WERE DONE THAT NEVER SHOULDE HAVE BEEN. YOU DESERVE BETTER,. AND THE ENEMIES WE HAVE WILL SOON BE GONE, AND OUR REPORT CARD WILL NOT BE FAR BEHIND COMING. BOYS OH BOYS YIKES IM SCARED TO SEE MINE. THERES BOOKS RECORDING EVERY BREATH WE TAKE, EVER SIGH, EVERY TEAR, EVERY ANGRY WORD, EVERY TERRIBLE THOUGHT, EVERY LIKE AND DISLIKE, FAVORITES OF EVERYTHING, THINGS WE DESPISE. Im gonna get off this soapbox now, but please know that you are loved beyond all human comprehension and that longing that we have felt since day 1 of being in our homes and yet longing, aching, even physically to JUST GO HOME. Well maybe we will soon. When we pass the test? When we overcome? Who knows. 

But I want to live in a way that pleases God and leaves no room for doubt as to weather I am His. So that when people speak a lie about  me, it will actually be a lie, and can be cast down. To live a life of integrity, and honesty and honor, and purity before God and mankind. Compassion and above all agape love ruling every aspect of my life. THE SUN WILL NOT SMITE US BY DAY NOR THE MOON BY NIGHT. And yet when full moon comes we are always feeling it. WE HAVE TO DECLARE WHAT THE WORD SAYS OVER OUR LIVES IT CANT JUST ACTIVATE BY ITSELF. THE SUN WILL NOT SMITE ME BY DAY NOR THE MOON BY NIGHT IN THE NAME OF JESUS. 

Okay. Im out. I love you. Take care. Talk soon. <3


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I am freaking the fuck out. Like just two more weeks and I will be in Ryan's Arms and I fucking can't wait. We been bickering though because I think he is freaking out even though he denies it. So I been keeping myself busy, this weekend i had fun canvassing for a local election that our local DSA-Houston endorsed. So friggin excited and hope she wins and if she does it will be amazing for our organization. After canvassing I went out with some of the canvassers for beer. We were physically exhausted that we were like we all want some cold beer. The weather was beautiful and perfect so we went to this local hangout that is outdoors. I love going there. I only had three beers, and the whole day I was bickering with Ryan and he was just ignoring me sigh so I was pissed off by the time I left the bar. Then we got into this screaming match and i was bawling my eyes out and he was upset because he upset me. Like we are both fucking stress. He thinks i won't like him when i see him and i am like there is no fucking way i wont. Like he has no idea how much I do infact love him. But he is about to find out on May 13th. On Sunday I was so damn stressed out and exhausted that my friend invited me to go smoke with him so i did. And we watched anime while smoking. It was fun. And I really needed that outlet. Cali has legal weed so I can't wait to smoke with Ryan at our hotel room. Ryan is also in DSA but in his town. So my friends toasted us and are excited for me.

Today I worked from home so I am able to try on clothing in between breaks. I got two of my orders today and just need my last order.
So most everything fits except two items. I get my last order Thursday and then tomorrow I should get another of Ryan's gifts and then hopefully next week I get the last gift. If I don't get his last gift then I am going to be upset. Because that is the gift he would love the most. Ughhh!

Anyways that is all I have for today. I am going to try to chill. This weekend I am going hiking with Lucky at a nearby trail outside of Houston. Can't wait!

Peace, Valencia
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Clothing shopping.
by valencia
Last night I couldn't go to sleep so I ordered a bunch of clothes. Spent about 200 but I got so many cool stuff. And of course lingerie. I bought some things that I know he would love. He loves lace for some reason. So I bought some lingerie with lace. I hope it arrives in plenty of time. And I hope it fits me. And i bought one item from Torrid and holy fuck i forgot how expensive Torrid is. I hope to place another order from Forever 21 because i found a few things from there i love. But i spent the most money at Shein. My coworker gets all her clothing there and it is very fashionable.

I hope he loves everything but I love it too.

So I don't have to take uber, my dad said that when he comes and picks up Lucky he would take me to the airport. So I can save money there.

Anyways that is all I have.
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San Fran
by valencia
If everything works out the way it should I will be in San Francisco May 13th through the 17th. Ryan got both of his shots , he got his last shot last thursday. So I booked my flight that same night. Lol! And I am a nervous wreck. Omg! Flights and hotel are booked. I even bought new luggage. I bought so many gifts for Ryan. I might need another suitcase. Lol! And I ordered even more things on Saturday from etsy. Lol! My job gave me that Friday and Monday off. I fly back home on Monday at lunch time. I leave Thursday night my flight leaves at 8:55. I get out of work at 5:30 so I am going to ask my boss if I can switch my day in the office for working at home. I usually work from home M,W,F so that week I want to work at the office on Wed and Thursday I will work at home. If I work from the office on that day, I will be screwed because I would get out at 5:30 of work then come off and it takes me about an 1 hr with traffic to get home then I would have to take a shower then I would have to call uber. I probebly would not get to the airport until 7 30 which would be okay but depending how long security is and I have luggage that I have to check in so I need enough time because if not omg I will be freaking out. I live 6 miles from the airport so I can call Uber and they will take me to the airport. I am going to have everything packed and ready to go by 5:30 PM because my plan is to get to the airport no later than 6:30 PM. I am going to take a shower and put some comfy airport clothes then get the uber and go to the airport. I am a planner , I plan everything. Lol I am weird! I hope I don't get nauseous on the plane but after I get through security then I will I buy some water and ice and probably some ginger ale. I think I will be to nervous to actually eat a full meal. I will probebly eat some protein so I can be just full for the remainder of the 4 hr flight.

I privatized all my previous posts, I wanted a fresh start.
So I have Emmanuel blocked on fb and my phone and he is still trying to contact me. The messages go to my blocked messages though.

My dad will be taking care of Lucky.

My 90 days will be up on the 30th of this month for my job. Hopefully I make it through I am kind of nervous about that also.

Anyways that is all I have! I will update soon.
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entry 11
by eyeore's twin


Meltdowns

So I have great news tomorrow I get my continuous glucose meter finally after last night when my sugars were all over the place and I had a meltdown because I was feeling well all day but when I got home from church I checked my blood sugar before my snack and it was 300 then 312 then after a breakdown and me crying into Bren's arms about how much I hate this disease my sugar went down to 78 right before I went to bed. Life has been crazy I love Bren but she has a habit of instead of telling me her needs and wants she has her case manager discuss it with me then after the crap she pulled with getting an apartment together and me ending up in the group home because of it she's trying to pressure me to move to Wichita because she wants out of Newton and she always is wanting to be anywhere but where she is and I can't risk it again I refuse to go back to my nomadic and transient lifestyle I need some structure and roots in my life. I love her so much I really do I am just scared seeing we both have issues especially with communication and I would really rather not having our treatment teams doing our communication for us. Church is going good I'm in the soundbooth every week right now which is pretty cool.



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1 like, 2 comments

I have been seeing people all my life through rose colored glasses. Because I wanted to believe the best. Wanted to believe they loved me. But my god apparently 90% if not more of the people in my life have seen in a very different light then I tried to view them. EVERYONE IS COUNTERFEIT. EVERYONE LIES. EVERYONE SAYS WHAT THE OTHER WANTS TO HEAR. UNTIL THEY DONT. Until a small  offense is commited againt them, and then the bottled up things they always wanted to say spew out in inapporopriate forms, and...It causes more hurt than you could ever imagine. STOP BOTTLING UP THE LITTLE THINGS YOU THINK ABOUT PEOPLE...Like...Wow shes selfish. Wow shes mean. Wow shes rude, etc. THE DOUBTS BUILD UP AND IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS PEOPLE HURT EACH OTHERS FEELINGS THAT IS JUST THE WAY THAT IT IS. So when you dont tell the truth about how you feel about someone and then they do something that upsets you, ALL THAT COMES OUT AT ONCE. Dont even try to deny it. 

Moving on, to my father. All my life I saw him as my hero, he would put me up on his shoulders, and I felt like the tallest person alive, and thought he was the strongest. And how I would pretend to be sleeping in the backseat when him me and my mom would come home from somewhere, just so that he would carry me in like a baby and put me to bed. I felt safe then which is almost never my whole life. And warm. And giggled inside. Also when he would read me a story before bed, I would always grab the thickest one of my books that I could find just to keep him  near me for longer. And for my whole lifetime, that was the image I had of him, even when he broke me into a million little pieces and basically handed me the metaphorical broom and dustpan and said BYE. But in reality? Those were only moments, snapshots in a life, filled with terror and rejection, and I am getting dizzy even trying to type this from the man who has been  hacking this computer and wifi for months if not longer. Hes black. Sits there with headphones, wore a wifebeater, and I saw him for a split second, oops. Just...Watching. Through the screen. ANYWAYS, that is not what this is about...This is about my dad. Who when I was scared of the shadow people who harassed and even abducted me at night? And the demons on the ceiling. And the cloaked milita.ry people coming up the stairs? Outside too. He chased me out of his bedroom in a fit of rage because I woke him up and he thought I was crazy. Even as a child. Sometimes I would be lucky enough and my mom would step in so I got to sleep on their floor beside the bed. I could NEVER go to him with any of my problems and yet I adored him. We would go on ' dates ' and go get food and just be together. Then when I was 15 I THINK, he started cheating on my mom, who knwosx how long it was really going on. And he wouldnt give up this bitch, so he abandoned me for her and her two kids. I was an only child, this bully was the only man in my life, and the only one I ever had up to them who was an example of how men were supposed to be. What a joke. I used to watch him raise his  hands and praise God in church, knowing full well where he would be that night. I saw other fathers growing up who had major temper issues, yelling at their families weather I or anyone else was there or not. Gotta love the realness of these pricks tho. My dad broke my heart. In my mind, leaving me for those 2 kids was the worst betrayal I had ever endured then. Taking them places, buying them things, giving them the love I so desperated craved and dare I say DESERVED as his ONLY CHILD. THEY ADOPTED ME FOR GODS SAKE WTF IS WRONG WITH THEM. My mom with her temper issues, and emotional basketcase-ness. I never felt loved from her, except in small moments. I TOOK CRUMBS FROM PEOPLE MY WHOLE LIFE. And built those crumbs into a statue. I saw it as a stone statue, but it was just bread. Falible. Frail. Knockable over. STUPID. Then my mentor invited me to a ' safe place ' with her and her husband, only to find out pretty quickly he was a perverted POS that TRULY BELIEVES UNLESS VAGINAL PENITRATION HAPPENS, NOTHING IS CHEATING. And I do mean nothing. I paid dearly just for being alive and breathing my entire life. The wholeness of my life has been a waste. The moments...The moments were beautiful. But the whole? A fucking throwaway. Im done pretending. I WAS BORN WITH THIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND TENDER HEART. For some reason this world wanted me dead before I was even born. Wish I could write my book. If anyone would even read it. Who knows. What I d o know is tender hearts, on sleeves, make for very bad expieriences for those with the essense of agape love in their very breathe,....Their blood pumping in time with the heart of IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. And its like the puppy, you kick it, it dont bite you, it comes running into your lap with kisses over and over and over. Im sick. Im just so tired. This life wasnt worth it. Cept for my son. See ya. 


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live.avon.com/?rep=kimberlygroves April 13th 8pm est  click on link to the right , see all our new products live and shop live with me!

 

Shop online at www.youravon.com/kimberlygroves


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So, tomorrow is the 33rd anniversary of my mother's death.  If I remembered her more, I think I could grieve her loss more.  I think I grieve the loss of what I could have had more. Just my opinion. I don't get maudlin about her death.  It is what it is...

Speaking of family, I was able to speak to both my grandma and aunt today.  That is enough to make me smile any day.  I also wrote my grandma and a family friend.  Their mail is going out tomorrow in the post.  I paid most of my  current bills today.  It has been a busy "day off".  I don't have much of my stimulus check left now due to bills and paying my grandma back.  (And rent is not paid, or due, yet. I have that covered however.)  Such is life...haha.

I was able to join in on an art session via Creation Station.  Go art! :) 

Okay, I am out of here....without somewhat risque titles.  Your friendly neighborhood party, Robyn

 


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Brassieres
by vatten m

....bras, over the shoulder boulder holder, whatever you want to call them. They were most definitely created by men to serve as torture devices for women. Just saying...all of you do not have to agree with my opinion.  Haha.  I bet that subject line got all of your attention though.  ;)

 

So, what have I been up to lately?  Two days in a row this week, I was a complete and utter bum.  And it was glorious!  It is spring break for my teaching job so I have only had to work 1 job.  I needed the time off more than words can convey.  

I hired a neighbor boy to mow my yard this summer recently.  How do you know that you are a busy, if an unwilling adult?  You have a lawn boy...haha.  I simply do not have the time to keep up with it. I learned that last year.  It was wild and wooly!  

 

I was just "flirting" with a regular customer.  He has to be all of 2-3 years old and so very animated.  I love when he comes in with his family.  He has such a sunny disposition that makes anyone instantly happy.  Such a cute kid.

 

Okay, I am leaving now.  Have a great day.--Your neighborhood "flirt", Robyn 

 

 


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Hi all,

It's been close to 2 months since the last TOTW themes were posted. As Community Organizer, I've dropped the ball and I am so sorry! Now that I am back, Theme of the Week needs your help!

When I picked TOTW back up in September after a 7 year hiatus, I changed the format to 3 different themes to choose from weekly. I thought that by giving you more theme ideas would help inspire you to write more. It worked for a while but started to become tedious for me to come up with 3 theme topics weekly. Some of you have been very helpful with theme ideas and I am grateful for that and thank you for your help!

I've completely exhausted the suggestions submitted to this diary and I need your help to get TOTW running again. But, first, a bit of a poll:

Should we keep the 3 theme topics a week or go back to one topic a week?

How I have been formatting the 3 themes is: theme 1 is a submission from a blooper, theme 2 is an old theme posted previously, and theme 3 was a theme I chose myself. I've also exhausted all the good old themes as well.

So what I am asking from you guys is two things:

1. Theme idea submissions
2, Suggestions on format (what would make you more excited to visit TOTW and participate?)

Looking forward to your ideas and suggestions!

Beth, Community Organizer

» Submit a theme idea.
» Submit your entry to the TOTW circle.
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Back!!! ack!! ack!!
by ♥ Aime

So yeah, I'm back AGAIN. Made it all official and put my XTRA back on for another year. I've actually had Bloop for a few days, but I had grown my nails really long, and couldn't type - today I had them shortened when she painted them. So, this is really just a "check-in", but, yeah...here I am!!!

 

Aime


1 like, 2 comments
The Dress
by raen

Well, I found my dress. I mean, I already had my eye on one from the stores instagram account, but I needed to be sure. I tried on five dresses before I tried on the one I had my eye on. I decided ballgowns were not for me. How the hell do women walk in those? They weigh a ton! Too much fabric! There was a nice pink one I was into. And it would have been my dress if the one I had my eye on didn't fit well or looked bad or cost too much. However! The one I was interested in checked all my boxes and I have bought myself a dress! I'm so pumped! 

 

Today (the 21st) we go back and start looking for bridesmaids dresses. Each of my bridesmaids have sent me ideas of what they would like, and luckily they're all the same fabric. Hurrah! No fights over fabric choices! Yesssss! I decided the MOH will have a different bouquet than the other two to differentiate them. Easy way to make note of her. 

 

It kind of looks like the wedding might be 1920s themed a little bit. My dress has that feel and Chris wants a suit inspired by the Peaky Blinders.


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Tomorrow I try on my first wedding dress ever. I'm both excited and not. I am because, wow, I'm getting married. And I'm not because I hate trying clothes on. And I have to do it with an audience to boot. Ugh. Oh well....I hope the dress I've had my eye on is in my budget. Luckily the store we're going to isn't crazy expensive. The highest price is $2500, which is above what I've allotted, but still pretty darn reasonable for a wedding dress.

 

Also, I have some monster cramps happening right now. When booking my appointment, I didn't take into account I would be on my period. C'est la vie!  Chris is letting me use his credit card so that he can get a ton of points. Lol what a guy. I'll transfer the amount to him after the fact. 

 

My god these cramps are awful. I just want to sleep, but I'm waiting for Chris to get home before I crash. 

 

Sunday is the bridesmaid dress appointment at the same location. Fingers crossed they find something as well. I'm really into that part of the dress shopping weekend.


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  • got unemployment sorted i hope
  • following week n half later she had her heart stint surgery
  • had a birthday..:(
  • sis and i purged one room of mom’s house  turned it into my Avon office.
  • got a job interview Friday
  • working on achieving Avon Hawaii trip, but sales are so/so right now… i need to sell 15K to achieve and im only at 1k ish in sales… but all the small sells add up so… keep plugging away.
  • working on getting tax stuff so i can drop off to file

 

Shop online at www.youravon.com/kimberlygroves


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entry 10
by eyeore's twin


7 years

So I have been in the group home 3 weeks now don't have much access to the internet right now but things are going pretty well there but like usual when you have 4 women in a house together it's pretty crazy at times especially 4 women with different mental illnesses. Brenda and I are doing well. Jo is getting married so we went dress shopping with her on saturday we had fun. but since then Jo is pulling her usual crap like making plans and then blowing them off. Today is my 7 year sobriety date and she was supposed to hang out with Bren and I and just like on my birthday something came up but its ok My casemanager took me out for an apple fritter then dropped me off at our favorite coffee shop so bren and I could have coffee I'm typing this while Bren is running an errand downtown. I'm supposed to start school on Monday but I'll have to push that back again My stepdads cousin but I consider him my cousin too and everyone calls him "cousin dave" they thought he had a stroke three weeks ago and then they said it was nothing he's fine it turns out he has a noncurable but manageable type of leukema but it caused some kidney issues and he went from totally mentally there one day to really bad dementia the next they said it could take up to two rounds of chemo for him to get his faculties back so he is sedated and restrained because he tried to rip his IV out.



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Not Good Eough...
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

I am in Florida with Lanette...I love this place for sure. I am in alot of pain and its been hard trying to get it under control. We went riding and bathed 2 out of the 4 horses today. Seemed to bond with the one, Magnum. I am having a really hard time with a few things. It is very hard to be myself in this situation. I feel this every time I am at someone elses house, its like a being dependant on them, in a way even if you have your own money. I absolutely adore Lanette I feel like shes a mother figure to me and a friend, and thats how I have viewed her for a very long time. 

I am however having a hard time with a few things, and its hard for me to even type about them but here we go. 1. I feel like I have to overcompensate for my lack of ability to work as hard as her. Its actually really draining me, on the inside because I find myself in the moment alright, but its every moment wondering if I spilt something, if I left something out, if I dirtied somethig up with my big fat disgusting sef. Right? And the more I am around her the more I care about her, but the more I feel like shes disappointed in me and does not love me like she did before I came here. That might all be in my head but I d k. I just wanna be me. Im silly, and make stupid mistakes and i am clumsy because of my brain damage, and I trip over things, and I have to hold onto things to hold myelf up and I drop shit all of the freaking time. Its like...NO ONE IS THAT PERFECT. And it scares me because if somethign were to happen and she decides that I am too lazy, or idiotic, or not worth keeping around, I have no way home. I have been treated like shit my whole life, and I really want this to work out so that things are okay. I dont wanna cause problems for anyone but I feel so inadequete for the work that needs to be done here, because she does NOT realize how sick and hte amount of pain I am in. I hide htings. I have mentioned this a few times but i dont wanna make a big deal outta things but I also dont wanna bottle things up. Im sitting here in tears typing this. I have alot more that is in and on my heart. but I cant do it right now. <3


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So theres been a pandemic right? And there is an evicition moratorium. If you cannot pay your rent in my state they do not kick you out. It doesn't apply to us at all because my husband has a job he loves and we have been lucky and been able to pay our rent this whole time. Unfortunately we got a knock on the door 2 days ago. It was our landlord. She knocked and then reached for the handle and TRIED TO JUST WALK IN OUR HOME. I die at that part. No one said come in. She just tried to push in. Weird. Anyway we have to move! They are selling the house!  Only problem is because there is an eviction moratorium there are no open homes for us to rent. People who didn't pay rent can just stay and we're about to not have a place to live. I know life is not fair but man is this not fair. Trying to just marvel at the absurdity of the unfairness instead of do the thing I wanted to do which is cry.  This place is already incredibly short on places to rent at normal times. So now we're figuring out what to do and it is incredibly stressful. 

If we can't figure out how to stay here we're going to go back to the city which is scary because J really loves his job. And the timing is just bad. I am trying to look on the bright side because wow I hate this house anyway but we had just been talking about going back to the city and we decided the best timeline was more like a year out. This house was so small that we couldnt have our bed in the room and have access to both the door and the closet and so we were about to swap rooms with E anyway to give him the big room because the little room had the closet and door on the same side of the room. Trying to remind myself I already didn't like this house. 

Since we have been talking about moving anyway J's grandmother has been of course talking about moving here. At one point she talks about a huge house with 7 bedrooms where everyone could have their own privacy. There would be no way we would live with them so I have to assume she has other family members she is intending to live with.   J tried to tell her she you know could obviously move down to the coast if she wanted but that we were not planning to stay more than a year or two. She then tells us that it would be awful to raise our kids in a city and tries to talk us out of it. I don't know she doesn't even live here and honestly I am not over her hand in J's mother flipping out on J last year instead of you know, apoligizing for her treatment of her son. She seems to think we're cool but I don't feel that way and I also don't know any normal way to be like "I'm still pissed off about what you did last year even though its been over a year and a half since we have actually had to be around each other."  I don't want to pretend things are ok but she just exhausts me.   I am dreading having to be in the same room as her eventually and I just can't imagine any future ever where we spend more than a few days in a row together. 

Anyway we're moving and its really shitty timing and I am kind of just circling about it.  Joping next week to get some boxes and start packing up I guess. To maybe go no where. 


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So me and David have now been separated for 4 months now.  I'm glad.  We're finally able to have a civil conversation.  *Most of the time*.  I told him I might let Waylon stay the night with him sometime soon but I'm still not sure.  I guess we'll have to see how everything goes.  I'm still talking to Jacob.  He's very sweet.  In other news I think I've gained like 30 pounds since being seperated from David.  I think part of it is depression even tho I'm taking meds for it.  I just feel like....I dunno.  Like I'm just too exhausted to get up.  I have no clue what the fuck is wrong with me or why I feel the way I do.  Half the time I don't even know what I feel.  Aggravated?  Angry?  Sad?  I dunno.  I'm just exhausted on feeling anything if I'm being honest.  I like the way I feel numb sometimes.  I dunno, probably sounds stupid I know.  Sometimes I just dont wanna talk about what I'm feeling.  I don't want to feel anything.  Fuck I dunno.  I'm confused as fuck anymore, along with exhaustion.  I just sleep most of the time.  Can't bring myself to get up and move.  Or care to move.  Like, I know I'm gaining weight but I don't have the motivation to get off my ass and do something about it.  I've turned into a lazy fuck who doesn't care about anything I think.  I never thought separation would have me feeling...this strange.  I dunno.


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Hi....again
by ohwow

Still not got much to say 😂


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Meagan's New Toy Gets Its First Workout
by "Love is like war: Easy to begin bu

Standing up, I carefully step out onto wet tiling, the plug still firmly buried in my ass.  My pussy is aching for attention.  Quickly toweling myself dry, I walk into the bedroom.  Opening the drawer of the nightstand, I take out my little silver friend, my vibrator, and set it down on the bed.  Walking over to the dresser, I grab my cell phone before walking back and climbing onto the bed.

I find Kyle’s name in my contact list and press dial.  The phone rings for several seconds.

“This is Kyle.  What is it Meg, it’s almost 11:30.”

“I know honey, but I want you to just listen. OK?”

“Listen to what?”

“Just listen.  I’ll tell you after it is all over.”

I climb up in the doggy position and reaching for my vibrator, position it against my clit and turn it on.  Simultaneously, I reach back with the other hand begin manipulating the plug that is stretching and filling my ass.  Within moments my moans fill the bedroom, drowning out David’s music.  Higher and higher I’m taken as the sexual desires, the sexual energy within me builds quickly.

Vaguely, through my increasing moaning and groaning, I hear Kyle’s voice.

“What’s happening?  What in the hell are you doing Meg?”

I don’t answer, but continue to twist and turn the butt plug while pressing the vibrator hard against my clit before sliding into my pussy and thrusting it back-and-forth.  After a few minutes, I set the tip back against my swollen clit.  The tension within me in building and I fight the urge to release. 

I want to be taken as high as I can.  I want to treasure every moment of the pleasure I’m giving myself. 

Soon I’m screaming “Yes… Yes… Oh YES… YYEESS…”

I can hardly stand it now and my moans, groans and screams get louder and louder.

Finally, I can no longer hold back the pressure.  The dam breaks and my pussy begins flooding the bed with my juices as my body convulses and shakes violently as another orgasm rips through me.

I scream out in one long, continuous stream of “YYYYYEEEEESSSS’s” as yet the climax overwhelms me.   In the midst of my orgasm, I think I can hear Kyle’s own release through my phone.

“Fuck YES, Shit, Fuck YES… YES… YYYYEEEESSSS…” I hear from my phone as Kyle, obviously masturbating himself, shoots his load who knows where.

For several minutes, there is only the sound of heavy breathing coming from me and my phone.  After our breathing and our heartrates return to normal, I hear Kyle.

“Meg, that was wonderful and I certainly needed that, but couldn’t it of waited?”

“No!” I reply emphatically.  “I wanted you to hear your girlfriend’s first orgasm with a butt-plug in her ass.”

“A BUTT-PLUG?” Kyle asks, with obvious enthusiasm.  “What prompted that?  What’s going on with you Meg?”

“I want you to fuck me in the ass Kyle.  You hear me, I want you fuck your girlfriend in the ass.”

“Are you sure babe?  You’ve been fighting me about this for what seems like forever.”

“After tonight, yes I’m sure.  I want to feel your cock in my ass!”

“Well, I think I can manage that.  How about I pick you up from work tomorrow.  We can have a nice dinner and go back to your place afterwards.”

“How about you get your ass over here tonight?  Give me a chance to show you my new toy collection.”

With a palatable sigh in his voice, Kyle said “Meagan, you don’t have to ask me twice!”
 


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Summer Interns
by "Love is like war: Easy to begin bu

That Saturday Paul arrived at Darina’s apartment in the Inwood section of Manhattan. First, they met at a Chinese restaurant to pick up the food.

After they ate in the dining room, they sat on the sofa in the living room. Darina was the one to initiate some romantic action. She cuddled up next to him and they started a make-out session. Paul was not that surprised about it; he expected it in fact because she had invited him to be alone with her. He restrained himself somewhat in that he did not attempt to touch her on intimate parts of her body.

He did fantasize about what kind of panties she was wearing under her skirt. Maybe she's not wearing them at all. He decided, based on what he knew about Darina, that she wouldn’t do that.

After a few minutes, she said, “I’ve got something to show you. It’s right here.” She reached into a drawer of a side table and took out her pink vibrator.

“Do you know what this is?”

“I’m not really sure.”

Paul was pretty sure he did know, but he decided to be cautious and not insult her in the unlikely case he was wrong.

She giggled, “Silly, it’s a vibrator. You know what those are, right?”

“Of course.” He had never seen one except those that were sometimes displayed in store windows. Those didn’t look anything like this one.

She leaned into him and said softly, “I’m going to show you how it works, right here, with myself as the subject.” He was so amazed and delighted that be couldn't think of an answer. She continued, “After I get myself off with this, I’ll do something to get you off too.”

“Really? Like what?”

“It will be a surprise. You’ll find out.”

Darina went through her usual vibrator routine as he watched. First, she lifted her skirt and took off her panties. As she spread herself, Paul realized that he had never seen a woman's genitals except in magazines. He remembered masturbating frequently while looking at the usual Playboy and Penthouse magazines. He was impressed by her thick brown bush. Yet he stayed in place and made no attempt to touch her down there.

Darina said, “There is a sort of, ah, set of procedures I usually follow that I know will work.” She lifted her blouse and undid her bra. “I often play with my nipples because that feels good too.” Out of caution she rarely did that at the office. Then she remembered Paul playing with Judy's exposed breasts in the supply room.

Paul of course already had a big erection from looking at her body. She said, “Heres how it's done.” She rubbed the vibrator along the outside of her vulva. Then, she used the two prongs as needed, the big one for her vagina and the smaller on her clitoris.

Unlike the office restroom, she made no attempt to lower her voice. She moaned and grunted with pleasure as much as she wanted. This thing is great; I’m going to climax in less than ten minutes. When her orgasm arrived, she didn't say anything particularly original; she merely chanted, “Oh my God, oh my God, I'm coming.”

Just after it happened, she looked down to see if she had squirted on her parents' couch. She hadn’t, which was a relief. Then she enjoyed the afterglow by stroking herself with her hand. She remembered Judy's exposed breasts and she played a bit with her own nipples.

Paul hoped hed be invited to join in the breast and genital rubbing, but he kept his patience. She said she’d do something for me; I just have to wait for it.

After Darina had caught her breath, she was very blunt, “Have you ever had a blowjob?”

“Oh yeah, of course I have.” He didn't mention Judy, which didn’t surprise her.

Actually, Paul was hoping he’d be allowed to penetrate her well-lubricated pussy. He didn’t know if Darina was a virgin or not, but he knew about his own lack of experience. Getting his cherry busted with this pretty girl tonight would be ideal. He had masturbated thinking about her at times; sometimes he imagined fucking her on the floor of the supply room.

Then he thought, Well, maybe we'll do it later on or maybe on some other night. In any case, he figured that an actual fuck with her was practically guaranteed, eventually.

Darina was very direct. She said, “Stand up, right in front of me.” When he was in position she undid his pants. Unlike the session with Judy, she lowered his trousers and underwear; his erect cock jutted out.

“Give me a second.” She used Judy’s ploy of freshening her lipstick. In a moment her mouth was bright red.

Okay, now what do I do? Fortunately, she had seen Judy's technique from start to finish, so she copied that. She was sitting while he was standing. She held his hips and pulled him forward. I wonder what it tastes like? Well, there’s only one way to find out. Like Judy had done, she started by kissing and sucking on the tip of his cock. A small bit of fluid came out which she licked up. Pre-cum; this guy is ready to go, so it shouldn't take too long.

She moved on to licking and kissing the shaft. She put her lips around it to get some lipstick on it. Now it was Paul's turn to moan and groan. He held her hair and repeatedly said her name.

Then it was time to hold the base and suck on the outer half of the shaft. The taste seemed okay; Paul had taken a shower that afternoon. But what impressed Darina was the sexual power she was exerting over him. He was completely in the moment as her mouth worked on his penis. He reached down to touch her bared breasts and he managed to massage her nipples.

Darina could feel the pressure building up inside his cock. This isn’t going to take long. She reached out to cup his balls, and then she started to massage his buttocks.

He became more rhythmic in his forward thrusts, and louder in the noises he was making. She didn't mind the brevity of the act; the length of time for the sucking was more than adequate. She briefly wondered what it would be like if he went down on her; she had never experienced that with a man. Should I have him do that to me when the present act is over?

She could feel his cock stiffen even more as he rocked back and forth. Then she wondered what she would do when he came. Taking his entire load and trying to swallow it seemed daunting. She considered pulling him out at the last moment and aim him so that he shot went, well, where? If it was aimed over her shoulder then surely a lot would land on the couch, which would probably be difficult to clean properly.

She wished she had asked for a handkerchief at the beginning, and then he could ejaculate into that. She came up with a compromise. At the last moment, she would pull him out and stroke him with her hand. She would try to aim it so that most was launched into her open mouth. That seemed better than gaging on the entire load as it poured into her throat.

It worked pretty well that way. As he cried out in pleasure, their aim was pretty good. Some of it got onto parts of her face, but that wasn’t too bad. She contemplated the taste of the stuff actually in her mouth. It seemed a bit salty but bland; she thought of New England-style clam chowder. She never considered using her mouth, as Judy had done, to remove the remaining cum from his cock and also to show additional affection.

He collapsed so that he was leaning over the back of the sofa. Darina kept her wits and made a simple request, “I could use a handkerchief now if you've got one.

She used it to clean her face. She was a bit perturbed that some had gotten on her but, thankfully, none on the sofa. This couch is rather expensive.

They both seemed at a loss as to what to do next. Paul stood there, stunned perhaps, until he pulled his pants up and sat down. He could see that Darina wasn’t even looking at him. She felt disappointed; this all had all been so abrupt with little romantic build-up. It was just a series of physical acts.

He tried; he put an arm around her shoulders. He hoped that she might kiss him, but she made no attempt to do that or even to nuzzle him. She looked straight ahead at the opposite wall.

Darina, for her part, having completed the session, was now thinking of a way to get him out. He obviously is fond of Judy; maybe he is even in love with her. She couldn’t figure out what was so appealing about Judy’s swelling behind and frizzy hair. The fact that she was also smart and funny didn't figure in the other woman's calculations. She thought that she herself possessed those qualities.

She needed time to think; she said, “I’m going to the kitchen for some seltzer.” She didn’t offer any to him.

Once in there, she assessed her situation. He obviously likes having two chicks at once; maybe there are even more I don’t know about. She had to work in the office, but the idea of him being around during her sophomore year at City College seemed intolerable.

She came back with the best excuse she could think of. She indicated her belly and said, “I’m not feeling very well. I don't think that Chinese food agrees with me.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that.” What am I supposed to do about it? He had been fantasizing about copulating with her on the couch after that well-executed blowjob. She's not wearing panties now and her bra is open; she’s already primed to go.

Instead, he heard, “Maybe it would be best if you go. I need to lie down for a while.” I feel like I just got here; lie down with me. But he knew he was being dismissed. In a few minutes, he was catching the A train at 207th Street.

As per Duke Ellington, the A train was the fastest way to Sugar Hill in Harlem. But Paul was going to change there for the D up to The Bronx.


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entry 09
by eyeore's twin


Weakness

So of course when I need to be getting ready for my move I either got residual weakness from the Covid or a Fibro Flare up any way I was in bed yesterday until church our church meets at night because we share the building with another church church was awesome like usual it was nice seeing everyone again after being gone for so long. My Pastor told me she's so proud of me for dealing with everything happening at once and my attitude towards it I've been up since 3 which is why I don't like taking my meds before 11 and I taking my day meds around 11 which Bren doesn't get. I have a lot I have to do in the next few days I can't afford to get sick or to go manic on the other side of it well I'm going to try and take a nap now



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eventfull week...
by The Avon Lady

so my mom had her first supper low blood sugar ever.. i heard her hollaring for me, and found her out of her chair nose in her needle box, on her side. wish i had taken a picture.  ended up calling 911... ems took her sugar 13!!! she has never been that low ever! so she was taken by ambulance to the hospital where they found out she had fluid in chest cavity and double up on meds.. so all in all a blessing in disguse she got home yesterday... still on for her heart stint on the 4th tho...  My avon customers know my moms having a procedure and to order online if possible. 

 

Shop online at www.youravon.com/kimberlygroves


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entry 08
by eyeore's twin


Peace

So I met with my mentor this morning her and I are doing a mentor\mentee bible study but its really cool each week is a scripture and then there are 6 journal prompts and I was telling her how i'm at peace with everything that happened including going back to the group home and I wish that Bren would get that all that went down i'm at peace with and that i was never angry with her and that none of this is her fault so she needs to not blame herself the other night my blood sugar was dropping but wasn't low yet and i tried to go get a protein bar and I kept falling down it was several times between my bedroom and the kitchen well Bren told the casemanager in charge of the group home I was going to tell her when I saw her anyway well they have a plan for when I need food but can't get it because i'm dizzy they'll have a emergency kit for me and that the other residences will know to bring that to me Brens room will be next to mine and she is really good at dealing with my lows i now had to push my school start date back again because I had covid the week I was supposed to start my stepdad still isn't happy with me going to a Christian College and I know he thinks that because of my mental impairments that I don't know how to pick a school i let him and my mom pick where I went to college after highschool and that was a disaster and I eventually had to drop out well happy saturday everyone



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entry 08
by eyeore's twin


6 Days

So 6 days until i move bren came by for 15 minutes to pick up some of her stuff so that i don't have to pack up her stuff my case manager is bringing me boxes on monday and is going to help me pack on tuesday but i might need him to take me to the storage place so i can rent a storage unit and to walmart so i can get bedding because i don't still have the bedding i still had last time i was there i am slowly getting then ready



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I forgot how much I hate looking for a new job. I hate interviewing. I hate even more that I have to do it over Zoom. I guess I can wear comfy pants while having the interview. That's a bonus. But the stress gives me hives. Literally. Probably the stress is a combination of the nonsense that is happening at my current employment and my body is just freaking out over it. That's not really a surprise. I'm less stressed about the interview process than the current status of my job. I actually dread going to work everyday. My alarm goes off and I want to just crawl deeper into bed than I already am. I just can't bring myself to enjoy it right now. 

 

That said, I have an interview tomorrow morning for a job that will involve me working from home. Hopefully I get it. Maybe I'll hate it. Who knows. Wish me luck. I have a headache right now. Blah.


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entry 06
by eyeore's twin


7 days

so 7 days until I move into the group home theres so much to do but with negative temperatures it's a little hard but i did spend time with my case manager today and he is going to take me to my group home appointments on my move day bren is out of the hospital i saw my dr today he said that it looks like i recovered well from the covid my blood sugars are all over the place and he wanted to change to a newer more potent insulin but my insurance wouldn't cover it so now i'm on the highest dose of that brand of insulin that my dr has ever seen i see my dr again in a couple of weeks hopefully we'll figure some thing out by then



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