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That's as impossible as nailing jello to a tree <3
by Shar

previous entry: Seems kinda petty now

next entry: English sucks

So much going on


There is so much going on that I can't really get my head around it. Right now I'm kinda sad because a good friend's ex died. She was the mother of his son. I am sad for that little boy plus the little girl she had with another guy. She was 8 months younger than me and her son is two weeks older than Austin. It made me sit and think about what would happen to Austin if anything happened to me. I don't have a will. I know he would go with his Dad but I also know if anything happened to me Austin would fall apart. He is very attached to me. Not that this is a surprise to anyone, I'm a single mom to an autistic child. He hates transitioning and change and its very hard for him to deal with people other than myself. He hates going anywhere he's never been and puts up a fight anytime anything is different. Changing around the furniture even affects him.

I hate my job. Its been the worst few weeks. Everything is changing and none of it good. I spend most of my time trying to boost morale while at the same time feeling like shit. I've been doing my best to follow the rules and clean and what not but like always no one else cares. Maybe its time to revamp the managers there. The night manager has been with the company 15 years and has gotten so lazy its hard to get anything out of her. The morning manager has been there 12 years and has finally decided she isn't going to do any more than the bare necessities to get by. The general manager just lets everything get past him so if they don't do something they are supposed to, it just keeps getting shoved off on someone else until I show up on Tuesday, Friday or Saturday. I end up getting whatever it is done and than I'm mad because it should have been done already. Stupid shit like that makes me mad.

Austin is doing ok I guess. He's been a major handfull lately. Today at school he threw such a fit that he ended up hiding underneath a desk, kicked the desk leg and caused the table to collapse. The teachers managed to grab the table but a binder fell off the table onto his eye. Than he was freaking out about his eye. I showed up and he had a cut in the corner of his eye and a red mark on the white of his eye. I knew he broke a few blood vessels but I was afraid he had scratched his eye too. We ended up going to the eye doctor. He did fairly well there, at least he tried, but he didn't like the light shining in his eye so he wouldn't stay still. Luckily she got a good look at it and realized he hadn't scratched it, just broke some blood vessels and that he would be fine. Poor kid. Granted it was his own fault in a way, he just can't help himself right now. We are having issues dealing with medicine, trying to teach him different way to deal with everything. Slowly he is learning anger management but its something that needs constant work. I love him but some days he wears me out just trying to keep him from hurting me or himself. He's so smart, you wouldn't believe the things he does. Math, reading, ABC's, numbers and shapes. He's pretty advanced in some things. I just don't know why he hates writing so much. Plus he hates when someone reads to him. I can also tell he's going to have trouble because the other kids are starting to notice that he's different. I really feel bad for him. Dammit, here I am getting all mushy.

There are other things bothering me. I just can't really talk about it right now.

previous entry: Seems kinda petty now

next entry: English sucks

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