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There's always a start somewhere...
by - Rjea.

previous entry: Here

next entry: Hope & Ruin

The Aeroplane Flies High


♫The Aeroplane Flies High by The Smashing Pumpkins♫

It's about time that I got in contact with J.
Once upon a time, J was the person that mattered the most to me. I always spent my last 20 on buying long distant cards to stand at a payphone and talk to him well into the night. At one point in time, we were playing for me to move to Arizona and for me to get a green card.
For 16 years or more, I wondered how he was doing, after he moved to Australia, we lost touch. I tried finding him through google once or twice, but I couldn't find him because I always misspelled his last name.
I decided that I needed to go through my storage room, and I didn't realize that I still had two letters from him.They told me how much he loved me, how he would always love me and I would always be his. I don't remember how we decided to go separate ways, but we did at one time.The next letter I got was him telling me how much he missed me, how wrong he was to let me go.
It showed me how to spell his last name.
I couldn't get him out of my thoughts, he had been there for weeks.Back then his favorite band was The Smashing Pumpkins, they always popped up on my Spotify.I was dreaming of him and his wife. How we each moved into a place that looked separate on the outside, but on the inside, we were all connected. Him and I really connected in that dream. I woke up too soon to find out how it ended between us all.
I decided that with the thoughts, the letters being found again, the dreams and the songs, that it was time for me to actually look into seeing if I could reconnect with him.
I did the creepy thing and I googled him. I couldn't find him, but I found his sister. I messaged his sister, she thankfully didn't brush me off as some stalker and gave me his email address, and now I'm just waiting for a reply from him. I'm so anxious. I just really want him back in my life.
Even though I haven't heard from him in 16 years, I miss him a lot. Even though I don't know who he is anymore, and he doesn't know who I am anymore. I did find out that he is married now, and I am happy for him. I can't help but feel like it should have been me and not her, but I won't interfere with anything. I just want my friend back. I honestly hope that I hear back from him soon. That I can get my friend back that I had back then.
I loved that man with all my heart. I'd be lucky to have half that friend back again. Wish me luck.

Besides that everything has been great. I have a new job now, and I love it.
Seriously unhappy with my previous employer as they are keeping the bonus that I worked hard for because of when I resigned. If I would have waited until they had paid it out, then I would have got it. I would have quit without notice if I would have known that. I was told that I could go back, but now I won't be ever because of this shady shit.

Life for everyone around me seems to be falling apart though. My aunt was rapped, my other aunt was in a serious car accident, and my dad is really sick and not dealing with it because he just doesn't want too. He's playing it down and it's not good. He doesn't want to bring it up with his dr again because his doctor crossed a line that he shouldn't have. So I am not surprised that he doesn't want to deal with it with his normal dr, but he needs to deal with it through a different doctor, but he's refusing. He told me he's an alcoholic, and isn't getting help with it because he can apparently do it on his own. he's sooooo frustrating.

M spoiled me for christmas.
I got a Nintendo Switch, 3 games, a microwaveable notebook, and some figurines as well.
I love him a lot, I don't know what I would do without him.

I'm off now, got to get my shit together for work tomorrow.
- R.

previous entry: Here

next entry: Hope & Ruin


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I hope he gets back to you soon too. x [The RyanStar] [reply]

I hope gets in contact [just delStar] [reply]