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You Can Dance if You Want To
by powerofwhy

previous entry: omg, nobody understands me, I'm so deep

next entry: Pictures and Plans

Request

02/24/2011

Someone asked what made me smile yesterday. Let's see...I take Julian to school in the mornings and I pass 2 churches with those black letter signs out front that people are always re-arranging to make obscene words. I am not religious but I usually read these signs and get feelings ranging from indifference to disgust. Before they are re-arranged anyway. If they say something obscene they make me smile.

Yesterday morning the sign on the church that lies a few blocks away from our house said -

FOR EVERY GOLIATH THERE IS A STONE

Wow, that started my mind up right away. That is a pretty revolutionary message that could be applied to just about anything. Somewhere a girl with broken string hair lies strung out on pills, sliced and bruised in a thousand ways at every turn of her life with no end in site. For every Goliath there is a stone. Slaves work in diamond mines in Africa, children labor in sweatshops, owned by mega-corporations that treat them as livestock. For every Goliath there is a stone. Americans labor like prisoners in low-wage jobs watching their dreams fade with their youth, not seeing their enemy, not knowing how to change things or how to get away. For every Goliath there is a stone. Any giant can be defeated. Any prison can be escaped. Your destiny lies in front of you and courage is all you need to grab it. Find that stone and throw it. Hot damn.

I still believe that religion is at best a distraction from true charity and at worst an excuse for genocide, but that message was the first thing to make me smile yesterday. Well played, churchies, well played.


Let's see...I worked, ate lunch at my desk around noon, picked up Julian and ran him from school to daycare during my real lunch hour, got off work, picked up Julian from daycare, picked up prescriptions, made dinner, made Julian do his homework while I did dishes and laundry. Helped Julian get to bed.

E's mother is in bad shape, she has end-stage cancer that has moved to her brain. So E has been staying up all night with her mother each night even though E's health is very bad and she can barely get out of bed. After I got Julian to bed, I woke up E, listened to E break down because her and her mother are dying and she is trying to help her mother on her own because her siblings are not helping, made E dinner, made E tea and snacks to eat while she stays up all night. Carried E's stuff over to her mothers for her, went home. Brushed my teeth, fed the cats.

After all that I had about an hour before I had to sleep, before this entire process would start over again. This is my creative time, and it always makes me smile. Despite any dragon digging away at my life, despite any machinery that twists my joints to breaking, despite the terrors that gaze from the dark, here I can always transport to a world beautiful and safe. This is my anchor, as long as I have this time I can do anything. I would die to keep it.

Sometimes I paint while dancing to loud music, sometimes I record music or write. Sometimes I read. Yesterday I worked on mastering for the three songs I have recording done for on my new album. The hooks are good, the sound is good and I'm finding my range as a vocalist again. That made me smile. Number 2 for the day.

Life is hard right now, I am not nurturing and hate taking care of people. But I will wait it out or find a way to make it easier. I will get my creative work done despite any challenge. For every circumstance can be changed. For every Goliath there is a stone. How about you?

previous entry: omg, nobody understands me, I'm so deep

next entry: Pictures and Plans

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lol you're a nerd

I said "used to be" because it doesn't feel so intense anymore. I'm more focused on who what where and when anymore. Why will always be my greatest internal love affair. I think of you every day

I will check out that artist when I get to a computer

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

Ps. I will also write a comment for this entry once I'm at a computer

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

I just want to say that I love everything about this entry. The beginning of your entry was played through and to the end. Thank you for taking the time to fulfill my request

Any prison CAN be escaped. It's called Choice. Whether it seems like a choice or not, it is always choice and we are always making choices.. choices to stay or go.. to change or try desperately to stay as same as possible. What do you choose?

I understand about having time to self to slip into you're own creative world. I get to live in it all of the time.. even at work I'm barely there and deep inside myself thinking of my next great adventure or feeling the beauty of a lot of things. Despite not always being able to physically be creative, I am creativity. You are a creative being always. You are very beautiful.

I can't imagine what it would be like to be dying and having to take care of someone else who is dying as well. 6 years ago I left my mom to take care of my step-dad because I didn't want to face another dying father. I could have done so much more for the both of them but just didn't. I have a different understanding of death now, but to be dying and using my time to help someone else whos dying is rather selfless.

There are lessons/experiences in all things we do. You say you hate nurturing and taking care of people yet you have a dying wife and a small child to look after. This is what is in your face. Life has a way of doing that to us. It only gets easier if you learn to embrace those things.

The first thing that made me smile today was you. Reading my comments was the first thing I did today. I haven't functioned much this week to allow much in other than work, think, and sleep. My daydreams make me smile.. my deep feeling of love for things lately makes me pleasant and still. The thought of what lies ahead brings me peace. Waiting and having patience is the crappy part. But there was a moment a few months back where I fell in love with patience.. the slow progression. Time goes by so fast anymore that I feel appreciation for the steps that get me where I want to be. As I learn and face something difficult I stop and think that I should appreciate this part.. eventually it won't be challenging anymore.. eventually I'll know whatever it is like the back of my hand and then I will eventually get bored and move onto the next challenge. Such is life.

-love

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

That photographer is quite amazing. I had once thought about doing something like that professionally, but I'm more into caputring moments and natural beauty instead of creating them. Both amazing though. I once tried to do something using my friend as a model. I painted up half of her face and did her hair all crazy on one side then left the other half of her face naked and her hair down and sleek. She wasn't the best model but the idea I had was interesting to me.

Do you have any of your musical stuff uploaded that I could listen to?

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

Oh.. and.. I'm more of a cat person because they are independent. I relate to that..affection and attention when -i- want it. I absolutely love dogs as long as I don't have to take care of one. I have a cat, Queen Lovey, we have been through some crazy things together. I got her right after the break up of my first love 6 years ago.. I always say we saved each other.. she came in a box, i hand picked her out, and we're the perfect match. She has been pretty clingy lately though... and I hear that when I'm gone she sometimes sits on my bed and cries.. she also gets real bitchy and does bad things if I'm gone for an extended amount of time...

how about you?

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

and why do you think you're not nurturing? (sorry for the bombard of comments but I'm at work and thinking on an off about things) Are you loving? How do you show affection?

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

I like all music. I was just wondering if you had something that you have written/played/sang that you could share.

Perception is only truth to the individual that holds it. Ultimate truth goes beyond perception. I could be completely attracted to you.. something about you or your face makes me want more of you.. sets off triggers in my body that turn me on or make me want to be around you.. to me, you are attractive. To another girl you wouldn't even get a second glance.. your hair is too long and you aren't attractive at all. Where is the truth in that? within my perception, you're beautiful.. within hers, you're ugly.. the ultimate truth is you are neither. You are all of those things yet none of those things because you merely exist and opinions/tastes/likes/dislikes depends on who is looking at you. But none of it is truth to you.. your truth is that you just are, you are a human being. We take peoples perceptions as truths and depend on those false truths instead of looking for truth inside of ourselves. Just because she says you are ugly, doesn't make you ugly, but you allow yourself to feel ugly and worthless because this one person is not attracted to you.. because she has different likes that don't pertain to you and you question why not you? as if there is something wrong with you. We..just..are. We exist beyond those perceptions yet people like to fester in them. Rejection is existence's way of saying 'this isn't going to work' and 'you (or they) are not going to be happy here' ..its a gift in my eyes, to be able to know right off that bat that something isn't going to work so that I can move on to the next or learn from it and try something different.

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: Oh Land kind of reminds me Imogean Heap a bit...a few others as well. There's a bit of variety in their CD. Blue October is a band that I have resisted liking for the longest time...but over the past month, I've really connected to their music and grown to love it. Devil Makes Three and Old Man Markley are definitely amazing bands if you're in the right mood for them.

Not sure of the origin of Mudmen to be honest. It just says Celtic Punk is all. Gonna be playing more in this coming up podcast.

And I'm TOTALLY with you on the Cure. There's something about Robert Smith. One of the most unique and under-rated songwriters I can name. I own everything they've ever released as well as a ton of imports and live bootlegs. They rank in my Top 5 all time along with Pink Floyd, Queen, Gary Moore and Tony Carey/Planet P Project.

[Music God Of Bloop|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: lol I actually turn on loud music and dance around my house quite often... any monkeys or beings are used to it by now. I don't even know what my entry is all about. It's several different feelings all at once. I had a conversation today with someone that made me realize how much of a birds eye view I have of things sometimes and can sound a bit crazy to others who don't comprehend my perspective. It made me feel unique, peaceful/serene, love, and quite lonely all at once. It's beautiful yet lonesome up here.

When I feel outside of the world, I sometimes describe it as being on the other side of the plexi glass.. looking in from the out, unable to engage in the ways that most people live. You back away from everything enough and you become the ultimate observer and find yourself suddenly at heights of clarity and understanding that makes absolutely everything okay and beautiful.. yet makes you sound completely insane.

Have you ever seen the green mile? If so, lately I feel a lot like John Coffey.. so much love amidst a world of confusions, hatred, judgement, and anger. It's hard to just be without taking it in. I sometimes feel like a mother wanting to comfort a hurt problem child.

Still hoping I melt into the world.. or sporadically transcend into light. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, I believe I still have a lot to do here..

and up til almost 3am, eh? Sounds like a long day for you.

-Absolute love.

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: omg, nobody understands me, I'm so deep

next entry: Pictures and Plans

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