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You Can Dance if You Want To
by powerofwhy

previous entry: Looking Glass Girl

next entry: Request

omg, nobody understands me, I'm so deep

02/22/2011

This is the next part of the story of me, see 2 entries back for the last part.

We moved when I started 8th grade, from an old brick house near the city park to a farm house 30 minutes outside of town. I was not happy about moving. I loved a lot of things about living in the city; the places you could go, the commotion and chaos, swimming in a pulsing sea of humanity you could ride like a wave from one strange reality to the next. It isn't always a comfortable journey but can be a captivating one.

Around this time i got into early goth and industrial music and started wearing black a lot. Yes, I was one of those coffee-drinking, over-dramatic "nobody understands me" teenagers. I started to go see local hardcore, punk, and industrial bands at grimy all ages venues that popped up and disappeared every few weeks. I was looking for something that combined what I loved about the piano, the creativity of art, and the illusion of magic, and it seemed like popular music could allow for that type of show. I could play piano but not guitar, and I kept working on cheap keyboards and with my voice hoping to be the next Trent Reznor. I recorded my first original songs around this time, overdubbing bad casio tones and melodramatic lyrics into a cheap cassette recorder.

I was thin and bad at farm work, and my mentality and lifestyle stuck out in the local community like a tomato in a bowl of ice cream. I vowed to live in the city when I got older and to avoid nature at all costs. now, 20 years later, I am just starting to give nature another shot.

The awkwardness of Junior High continued for me at a different school. This place was near a local chemical plant, I remember one day the plant caught on fire and from miles away you could see a huge plume of violet red smoke rising from it. The chemical plant survived the fire and carries many of the better paying jobs in town to this day. Due to children of the plant workers this school had a better budget than Franklin. I remember classrooms with big windows, carpet instead of tile, nice computers.

The new school had a gifted program, so I went there for a period instead of taking woodshop and home economics. At this level they let us study what we wanted, I remember we worked on a terrible horror movie for a while, doing a magic show, spending the rest of the time working on a bad superhero comic. We also visited the creative team at a local advertising agency and received a visit from a local political cartoonist.

We had a few electives among our courses. I took a creative writing course, and took art both years. The art teacher was a wonderful woman named Mrs. Palmer. My art improved a lot under her instructions. After my first year with her I could draw a recognizable portrait of someone and could use acrylic paints. I came back and spoke with her class and shared some of my work years later when I was in college.

Like many others Junior High was an uncomfortable, dorky phase for me. I had glasses and braces and bad hair. I was interested in girls but had no game yet. Just before the last day of 9th grade there was a "lock-in" at the local Y, where people stayed up all night playing basketball, swimming, and trying to surreptitiously get high or make out. A beautiful girl named Amber approached me and we talked for the rest of the night. She sat with me the last day of school but I did not ask for her number. I believe she was the first girl to be interested in me. I went into Summer before high school encased in a room covered in art projects and band flyers, wondering if I would see her again. With the start of high school things changed again and my journey continued.

previous entry: Looking Glass Girl

next entry: Request

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RYC: I try to keep the music topical if I can...

The next show I have planned is going to be a bit more mellow. Gonna be playing lots of bluesier, soulful, eclectic type stuff. Got some really awesome new stuff to dish out.

Also going to be recording the wedding this weekend to post as a show for those that can't be here. Gonna have video and everything with it.

And that's JUST the beginning. Screw Howard Stern...I'm aiming to take him over. LOL

[Music God Of Bloop|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm glad you're giving nature another shot.. only because I'm in love with and deeply connected to it so anyone who takes notice to it feels almost personal to me, if that makes sense. The earth is amazing and nature is the purest of all things. I wish I could physically share with you how I feel when I'm in a forest.. it's amazing. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like Home.. like somewhere I belong. I often would rather spend time in a metropark alone than with people.

We probably wouldn't have been friends in middle school, I won't lie. I got along with anyone but I can't remember being friends with a goth-looking kid that I remember.. or maybe there weren't that many at my school in that time frame. our middle school was divided into a 6th grade builing then 7th & 8th were in a building across the street. I was never in any gifted classes.. you're way smarter than me

I had glasses and bad hair.. you had me beat!

I also had an amazing art teacher named Ms Chapman. She also taught me how to draw a recognizable portrait. Around this time I drew a picture of a picture of my mom holding me as a baby and gave it to her rolled up and tied to a Rose for mother's day. I loved that drawing. Although my head turned out as big as hers O_o

Boys were not interested in me in middle school. I remember being in kindergarten and boys literally arguing over me for my attention and asking me who I liked better and wanted to be my boyfriend. High school was decent..I had a boyfriend every year that I was there.. but middle school was definitely an awkward time period for me physically. My favorite boyfriend (ever) was during my senior year when I dated a freshman drummer boy (i was a sucker for drummer boys)..we were in marching band together and at band camp he was one of my freshman that I had to introduce to the rest of the band.. we were pretty inseparable and he was my best friend for a little while. He dated a girl I knew who is the daughter of my mom's friend.. someone I grew up with but hadn't talked to in a long time. He started to fall for me and I wanted him to but I didn't want to hurt the girl so I tried helping him and gave suggestions to how he could work things out with her but he wanted me. I liked the way he'd look at me.. those random moments where I'd be in conversation with him and he'd look at me with a face that said "You're beautiful and I care about you" ..at the last spiritual meeting I went to I caught Adam looking that way at his girlfriend.. it made me smile to myself. I miss that kind of stuff sometimes. All of my male exes are married with kids now..yikes.

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

Nurturing? Hmm.. depends on my mood or if it is needed I guess. The day before I didn't check on him at all. But his GF (my other roommate) kept saying he was being a baby and dramatic and he's just hung over because GF couldn't specifically tell her 'what hurts' ..I knew better than that, he turned out to be really sick and I felt bad for him. I don't get nurtured when I'm sick.. there was one point in time where I couldn't even go see my mom even if I was slightly sick because my step-dad was battling cancer. That's when I was really started acknowledging that I was an adult and had to just be sick and deal with it by myself. I sometimes wish I had someone to bring me soup or nurture me when I'm sick or even just ask/offer so I guess that's why I asked Ryan. Babies are a different story.. I turn into an absolute nurturer when a baby is in my arms.. however, an 18 month old could cry and cry and I would let him without feeling a pinch of sympathy or empathy. My 2yr old nephew once spent the night and he cried at bedtime.. I forgot that he gets rocked before bed and I just stood there wondering what I should do but felt no nurturing instinct of any sort. It's sometimes feels like going through the motions. I've been trying to work on empathy.. it will be important for me later

I'm not sure what your Indian name could be.. I don't know you enough to feel out what fits. Right now I think of 'crescent moon' because the parts I see shine bright enough to light the world.. but there is still so much unseen.

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC: and thank you for complimenting my picture. I love to play with paint shops. My eyebrow looks a little crazy in that pic, but I am satisfied with the expression of it's entirety. My caption for it is "If it wasn't for that horse I would've never went to college" ..

-Love

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

Theres the past and theres the distorted present, that you write about. I want to know what made you smile today. Or if you don't get this until the morning, then what made you smile yesterday.. and why

[Evidence Of Joy|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: Looking Glass Girl

next entry: Request

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