What has been your most pivital moment - that "ah-ha!" moment in your life so far....
Today this neighborhood froze in the morning and baked all day. Today my old friend Nasa Bob called me up to borrow money. Today I was invited to Lee's house to try DMT. Today a little girl shatters a window with her mind, and a pigeon changes the course of the earth. Today a child dies in the hospital and an old cruel man lives to poison again. Today a gas leak causes a porn shop to explode, blanketing a neighborhood with ash and photographs of sexual acts. An alien lands in the midst of the carnage and wonders what sort of festival this strange planet is in the midst of.
Every day in your life is a pivotal moment really. Life is a gift, the most wonderful gift you can give or receive. And deep in the mind of every junky on earth lies the desire to live every day in a celebration of that gift.
The most pivotal moment was either the first day I took LSD or the day my son was born. Acid wakes you up in a way unlike anything else, sending you down a rabbit hole you will never emerge from the same. It pulls you outside of yourself and shows you things as they really are.
As far as my son being born I read once that having a child is like having part of your soul running around outside of your body. And it is exactly like that. But sometimes it is difficult, you might do a good or bad job relating to them, and they will reflect all the bad in you back as well as the good. In adulthood most people build a shell around that emotionally vulnerable part of themselves but a child gets around those walls and can make you hurt like nothing else. Every parent is at least a little bit insane because of this.
Lately things feel lost in the world of Why. I am inspired to make music right now and am doing that and starting to find real work in that field. But most people I used to share this interest with have moved onto other obsessions and other activities like shamanism, restoring old automobiles or naked polo. Perhaps I am too old to be a successful musician, what is sadder than an old rocker? I know a few visual artists I can still have fun slinging paint with but music is what truly inspires me right now. All the other people and all the other things feel alien by comparison. Sometimes a cute ET-type chocolate candie-selling alien, but quite foreign nonetheless.
As I have reconnected with Lee the drug world has started pulling me back in with the promise of rare trips, new realities to explore, an open door into a dimension of freedom and wonder. A world my old friends seem to go in and out of without worry. It's desolate and everyone is poor but it glistens like diamonds and can feel like heaven on earth.
Perhaps I have reached another pivotal life moment, a bridge between the freedom of youth and the responsibility of parenthood. Some would say that my friends have arrested development and I am at the point I should be. But I do not believe in maturity really, adulthood is just a concept to direct behavior. I was happier when I was a junky than I am as a parent, but can probably never go back to that place. So where do I go from here? I need to find some new friends who make music. I need to find some day care help once in a while. I need a vacation from everything one way or another. But for now I will bang power chords out to old blasted music, jumping off couches and tangling in cables, and for a few minutes the problems will disappear and all will be ok. Hit it, Devo.