This is what I want to say to you...

Yes, I know it upsets you that I was with him.
I know it upsets you that I was with him for so long.
I know that you can't stand thinking about the stuff that we did together.
And I know that you don't get what I mean when I say he wasn't bad all the time.

I never loved him the way I love you.
That much I can assure you of right off the bat.
Things have always been different with you.
When I kissed you the first time, I couldn't breath.
That never happened before.
When you would touch me, even a little, I felt like my body was on fire.
That never happened before.
I told you that I loved him, because I did.
But it was never anything like what I feel for you.

I've never felt like i'm wasting my time with you.
And I did with him, we even talked about it once.
Me and him weren't like you and me are.
(If that makes any sense.)

Was he a fully bad person?
No.
Were we good together?
No.

I do stuff for you that I would never have done for him.
If he would have ever read one of my journals, I would have done so many horrible things to him.
If he would have ever told me that he didn't like me talking to someone, I would have told him to fuck off.
But you, i'm mad, yes.
But i'm more worried that your hurt now.
I HAVE stopped talking to people because you don't like me talking to them.

I feel like i'm just getting off subject at this point.
But I can assure you that you have NOTHING to be worried about.
You are my love.
I want to marry you.
I'm having a baby with you.
And even when we fight about the stupid shit that we fight about, I never think to myself "i'd be better off without him."
Or "we just can't work together."
All that matters is that at the end of the day, I still want to curl up next to you and kiss you.
I still want to be with you.

Me and him..
We were just friends who tried to make something work that was going no where.
You and me..
It's just not the same.
I don't even really know how to describe it.
But I just know that it's not the same.

There is a reason i'm with YOU.
It's because I want to be.
Not because I feel like I have to be.
(Which I know is what you worry about sometimes.)
Just do me this one favor.
Don't read any of my old journals.
Don't do stuff like that at all.
Just talk to me.
And trust me.

Because it does hurt when you do shit like that.
You talk about how it bothers you when I talk about things that went on when I lived there.
People I talked to and all that.
I don't do it to hurt you, I don't do it because I wish I was there again.
But those are things that have happened to me.
And you know I never shut up, I have a big mouth.
lol.
I can't help it.

Just please try to remember, your my love.
No one else.
Just you.

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