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In The Shadows
by Concrete Rose

previous entry: Blank

next entry: 365 days

Not Easier


It's hard to believe, but it's been about 10.5 months since Mark last talked to me. And I still fucking miss him.

I still think about him every single fucking day. There are days when I don't think about him as much, but not a single day goes by that he doesn't cross my mind. It's amazing how many books and tv shows have characters with that name. I never realized how popular that name was. Or am I just noticing it because I miss him?

Yesterday Dad and I took the Winter cover off my pool, and it wasn't as easy as it was last year. And after I came inside, I cried because I thought of Mark. And I think I cried because I wish it was him helping me take the cover off. I wish he was here with me. And even today, I'm having issues with my filter, and it's frustrating because I have no one to ask. It's just me trying to figure shit out on my own. And I'm crying again, because I wish Mark was here and we could figure this out together. And I'm crying because I fucking miss him. It's as simple as that.

Missing him hasn't gotten any easier. I still wonder if he stayed with his wife or maybe he finally left her and is figuring his life out. Maybe he's with someone else. I wonder how much he's paying in gas. I wonder how his job is. I wonder if he still sleeps in his car. I wonder if he's complaining because they've already gotten weather in the 90's.

But does he think of me? When he hears my name, does he think of me? Does he still think of me when he cums? Does he wonder how my job is or how the weather is here? Does he wonder if I'm dating anyone? Do I cross his mind every single day?

He started talking to me again on June 1 and it's hard to believe that we are only a few days from that. It's hard to believe that it's already been almost a year. And what's worse, is that it's almost been a year since he stopped talking to me. It's been almost an entire year that I have wished for Mark to come back. It's been almost an entire year that I still haven't moved on.

I want to get married and I want to have kids and the clock is ticking and I am stuck because Mark ruined me. I feel like it's either Mark or no one and I cannot figure out how to move on and to find someone else to enjoy life with. How do you find someone else when you can't get someone else out of your mind. How do you find someone else when you miss another person. It is a daily struggle.

previous entry: Blank

next entry: 365 days

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