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Will I carry it forever?
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And also I wanted to add in, when everything came out about what my grandfather did to me, he admitted to everyone that he had been abused as a child too. It makes me wonder if that is just something someone says once they get caught so people will give them sympathy or if there is a real connection between the two. I, myself can't understand it because being sexually abused had the opposite affect on me. I didn't want anyone to touch me, and I would always be looking out for my brothers and sisters. I even feel weird with a man holding my 2 yr old daughter, even though I know nothing is going on. It makes me feel uncomfortable. So I don't understand, how being abused, eventually led up to abusing someone else.
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[Makayla]
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Will I carry it forever?
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Also, I wanted to ask you this. What do you think made you victimize someone else like that, having been through sexually abuse yourself? I am curious about this, because going through what I went through at 12 & 16 makes me even more aware of how I treat others. What made you go from being the victim to the abuser?
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[Makayla]
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Will I carry it forever?
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No, what I meant by saying I would forgive them but not have mercy on them means that I believe that I have to forgive all others for their sins, or I will not be forgiven. But I am not responsible for forgiving anyone besides the ones that have wronged me. That's left up to God. I would not have mercy on them though I had forgiven them means that I believe whatever punishment they get for their crime (going to jail, being labeled a sex offender the rest of their life) they deserve and I will not feel sorry for them having to go through that.
It's hard to convince people that you've changed. A whole lot of prisoners become Christians while they are in prison and then turn back to their ways once they are out. My grandfather being one of those examples, he was in and out of prison all my life (for running a chop-shop, assault, etc) , and he was the only man I had as a father-figure, when he came back the last time when I was about 14. He said he had changed for good, but on my 16th birthday he sexually abused me. I'm not saying that you will. But right now, it's easy to be a Christian and not mess up while you are in prison, because you really don't have the choice. But once you get back out into the world will be your real test. I hope you do continue on the path of righteousness and you continue to learn from you mistake and never ever do anything like that to anyone else. And I hope your victim continues to heal, as a victim myself I know those scars will always be there, but time, love, and support can help.
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[Makayla]
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Will I carry it forever?
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don't have an answer for this. unfortunately society will place that stigma onto you...but you don't have to let it define who you are. you don't have to succumb to the negative that is associated with it. the important thing is to reconcile with yourself and with God. everyone else, doesn't so much matter in the grand scheme of things. ((hugs)) ♥
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[BrownEyedMonkey ]
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Will I carry it forever?
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I believe there's a reason that people can repent their sins. Just like anything else, God will forgive you for this. If He can forgive you, everyone else should be able to as well.
♥
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[Jessica ]
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79635 - I'm just a number.
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To Desiring Holiness:
Hi. Why not write him to find out? I posted his address, his picture, ect. and you still don't believe it? Again, (I am his sister), if you were so brave to call me a liar why not write HIM and find out!
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[queenbutterfly ]
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Will I carry it forever?
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No, I believe everyone is to be forgiven. But comparing someone who steals, and someone who drinks to someone who has committed a sexual act of violence to someone else is not really the same. I believe that someone can change, but I still believe that someone who has committed such a heinous crime should be labeled so the innocent people in the world can try to protect themselves and their children. Someone who kills, rapes a child, or commits violence against a woman to have sexual gratification out of them may the Lord have mercy on them, because I'm not. However, I will forgive them. But in my eyes, as a victim of sexual abuse myself at the hands of two of my male family members, they should NEVER be trusted again.
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[Makayla]
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Thank you
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and i appreciate you posting entries! annd i appreciate your sister for literally posting them!  ♥
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[BrownEyedMonkey ]
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Do you like who you are?
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i don't like to look into myself to see my flaws or my goodness...because i am who i am. God has created me this way for a reason, and when i start to look at myself and doubt what was created, how then am i being a faithful servant?
i want to strive to be more like Jesus...this is one thing that i'm working with. society is all about looking at yourself and seeing all that is wrong about you. everyone is quick to judge others and point their fingers at them. it's not up to anyone but God to judge another. we weren't created by ourselves...and there is a reason we feel what we feel, we act how we act. we just need to trust in Him...and He will lead us to where He wants us to be...regardless of what others around you are telling you. ♥
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[BrownEyedMonkey ]
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Do you like who you are?
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Unfortunately, I think it is human nature to "judge a book by its cover". A bad first impression is often difficult to overcome. And, for whatever reason, we always tend to see the bad in people rather than the good, especially convicts, homeless, etc. I don't think it's right because everyone has a story...everyone has become the person they are based on their experiences in life. Not all of us have been blessed to have the "perfect" life. Do we really even know what IS perfect?
There are plenty of things in my own past that may "turn people off" to me. There are mistakes I've made along the way that may make people think that I am not worth their respect or friendship. I have been guilty of judging people before learning the wholoe story. But I mostly try to realize that my ideals and beliefs may not be the same as yours or the person next to you. That doesn't make your choices or actions, whether they are right or wrong, worthy of being judged by me.
Sadly, not a lot of people feel this way. I know some very close minded people in this world. I choose not to associate with them or, if I do associate with them, choose to say nothing if they say something I don't agree with because they still have the right to say it. But I'm not like most people.
Just my 2 cents. 
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[Mommy_Bunny ]
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Do you like who you are?
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I believe that it's very possible to see the good in people, I just think that as human nature - we are constantly trying to guard ourselves from the bad ... so we are looking for IT, rather than looking for that good. I think only after we have found someones flaws, will we begin to see the good in them, too.
I don't know if maybe I'm amongst a minority of people, but I think I am perfectly capable of seeing beyond ones flaws. And, I don't always think that those people are stuck with those flaws. I do believe that people can change, regardless of their past.
I, of course, as a human - would not -want- someone to judge me on my past, and things that I've done, but I also know that we cannot always expect that to be how things work. It's quite unfortunate, but, I'm afraid it's just the way we work.
I also hope that you know you're not alone in feeling imperfect. You are! We all are! Perhaps that's the only fortunate thing about feeling that way, is knowing that everyone else does, too. =)
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[Barefoot & Pregnant. ]
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