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9th June 2014, 10.30 PM.
Hello, reader.
I've read all kinds of books on teenage life. About the stage when a kid enters middle school or high school. There's always the drama when the teen meets everyone and someone has to instantly hate the teen or is just naturally a mean jerk. I would expect that of a guy but girls can be mean jerks too. When my elementary school days ended 5 months and 8 days (plus the end-year holidays) ago, there was a part of me that was really nervous about going to Abric. I was the only girl from Shard going to that school which was usually the case in those teen novels. However, a bigger part of me was confident that I'd just waltz in and smile and instantly make new friends since the Abric students mostly knew me when they came over to Shard last year. Smile, be friendly, and everything's fine and dandy. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, right?
Wrong.
Little did I know that I would soon be feeling like the main character of a teen school drama novel. Of all the people, me! The one who loved to smile, be friendly, hug, and chatters nonsense. Come on! What's so bad about me that drives the Abric students away from me? Oh, right! I totally forgot about how I sing, hum, hug, and ask questions! Apparently, those qualities make people unable to bucking stand me!
After Jasmine drifted away from me (after being so bucking friendly with me on the first day! I helped her when she was too shy to meet the others, damn it!) to hang out with Fiddle and Radiance, Little Flower came along, all friendly-like. We were awesome buds for a few weeks until she started hanging out with the Fiddle gang. I saw less of her after that. I got lonely for a little while. All of a sudden, Commander Nose added me to a group with her and General Potato in WhatsApp and we quickly formed The Yoda Force! We made our nicknames, mine being Admiral Squirrel (which stuck, since I do agree that my personality does match a squirrel, mostly, with the exception of my hatred for nuts). I loved hanging out with them, especially with General Potato, whom I admired, since she was awesome at English and had the ability to talk really well (trust me, most people I know don't have it). They also hung out with this group of Secondary 2s during recess that another classmate of mine that will go by the nickname of Shush often hangs out with. I budged from my usual spot in the middle table to the right table after a while just to be with them.
Then...I'm not quite sure how it happened. They didn't quite notice me as much and started hanging around as a foursome with Shush and Remarky (since this girl just has to remark on everything). Basically, I got ditched. At least, I felt like it. A few days before the June holidays, in the first period, I sat in the middle seat of the front row and General Potato, as well as Commander Nose, sat on either side of me. However, three boys decided to fill up the row behind us so General Potato wanted to move to another place. Even though she wasn't really speaking to me, I muttered that I wasn't going to move since I liked being in front. She moved, anyway, but she also said, "Come on, Commander Nose." Oh, riiight. I'm just a bloody ghost, aren't I? What am I, invisible chopped liver to her?! I was sitting right beside her and she talked to Commander Nose as if I wasn't there!
Okay, maybe I'm taking it a little too seriously but I don't bucking care!
Also, the other day, when we selected students in the so-called Scholars Program (pfft, yeah right, as if I'm fit to be a scholar) had to attend a Science program at NUH, there were seven of us: General Potato, L.F, Jasmine, me, Firq, Cash (some new guy from another school who was quite lazy at the program - or so he said), and Zappale. To cut a long story short, on the second day (it was the first day for me since I didn't come the first day. I had thought that it took place at a later date...) we, both guys and girls, ended up talking while waiting for our mentors. I was listening some of the time. On other times, I would take part in the conversation. Somehow, we drifted to the topic on who likes who. When I heard about Cash liking someone, I was pretty shocked. So shocked that I uttered, "Wait what?! He likes her???" Silence overcame us as everyone turned to look at me.
They mocked me because I didn't know. They laughed and called me outdated. On the inside, I fumed. On the outside, I merely turned my head away and muttered that I wasn't interested in this kind of thing, which was true. Then General Potato said that she wasn't interested in this kind of thing too but at least she knew. I stared at her for a moment but kept silent. However, in my head, I was really mad and upset. I wanted to yell at her but I was afraid that she may have yet another logical reason to throw back at me and make me look like an idiot.
In truth, I thought of them as idiots at that moment. How could they bucking say that I was outdated? The nerve! How the buck did they expect me to know if no one bucking bothered to talk to me about this kind of thing?! What, did they think I could read minds? That I could instantly know every single bucking thing that went on in the classroom?! Come on, I thought General Potato was smarter than that!
So now, I no longer sing much at school. In fact, I call it an improvement from Shard. However, they still tell me to bucking SHUT UP when they sing too! In fact, they sing bucking more modern rubbish than I do! Oh, but noooo, I sing too loud! I sing too much! I sing all the time! No, no, no, I can't hug people that I see everyday! "Stop hugging people!" "Shut up!" "I can't stand her!"
Well, why don't they go all buck themselves?! Mind their own bucking business! I don't even sing in class anymore and if I do, it's a bucking rarity for me! When I sing to myself in bucking recess, Remarky just HAD to tell me stop singing! ((To be honest, it's not really encouraged to listen to music in Islam but it's very opinionated. As to whether you can sing or not, I'm pretty you can, depending on what it is you sing. Then again, it's very opinionated)) My father has told me all my life to mind my own bucking business and I'm pretty amazed at the number of people who don't do that! If she wants to tell someone to stop singing, why doesn't she tell it to her oh-so-awesome buddy, Commander Nose! That girl sings all the freaking time but oh noooooo, at least she sings quietly, right? That totally is excusable!
Don't get me wrong, there are nice people in my class but they're such a minority, I find it hard to even feel nice about them when the majority of the bucking class are jerks and people who don't notice me! I just want to hate them forever! I can't, of course, and I don't since there are times when they can be tolerably nice but they're still bucking jerks in my book.
I just bucking hate them now. All those Abric jerks with the exception of the nice people.
I do suppose that some of it is my fault, though. I guess I haven't been trying hard enough. I could have been mixing with the wrong people all this time... After all, I didn't try to mix with some of the nice Abric students. I just assumed that they were happy with each other and didn't need me. Or maybe everything was just a misunderstanding. I don't know.
I'm sorry for ranting. I've been wanting to do this for quite some time now but just couldn't bring myself to do it. ((I mean, how many people enjoy reading ranting entries?)) Then again, it's called a diary for a reason, right?
Nope. I'm still calling this a Journal.
Thanks so much for reading! 
"Life is like a rollercoaster." - Admiral Squirrel |
Sx3.Layouts♡ This is my Journal, where I will pour out my views, opinions, and thoughts. If you don't agree with any of those, well, I cannot tell you what to do but I ask you to please be polite when commenting. Thank you and have a nice day. :3 ♡ |
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