i feel rushed on everything and nobodys happy with what ive done so far. ive come a long ways. i grew up in a severely abusive home and then as an adult i lived in an abusive relationship for 6 years. cant nobody be happy for how far ive come. i can stand up on my own two feet and not cower when im around people. its just so fucked up. i was talkin ta josh yesturday on one of our drives so that we could smoke and we were discussin my ex. i told him that i feel terrible that im still married but financually i cant get a divorce since my ex wants me to pay for it all. i cant do it considerin that i just lost my job. my parents want me ta get a divorce asap and its just not possible at the moment. josh wants ta marry me so bad and i feel so bad cuz its not possible at the moment. its just so hard and it sucks. im puttin everybody out and its my fault. i should be able ta pay for a divorce and yet i cant. im glad that josh understands and hes patient cuz he knows that i will not go back to my ex. i wont live in that hell anymore. im better than that and im stronger than that
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