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It's been a long time!
by ~Just the 3 of Us~

previous entry: I guess....

next entry: Doormat

Name/Love/School/Holiday-very long!!


A little bit of everything

I really should have changed my name away from Mommy_Bunny when I moved into my own place. The nickname "bunny" came from my ex-husband and no longer makes sense to be known by that nickname. He no longers calls me "hunny bunny" (obviously) and I do not want to be called "hunny bunny" so it was time for a new name to go along with my poorly executed new start here on Bloop.

I have always been ok with the fact that I can just turn off my sex drive as necessary. I lost my virginity when I was 23, had a few (like 3 or 4) ok encounters and then an abusive boyfriend turned me off to everything. I took some time off from relationships (and sex) and even explored whether or not I might be a lesbian. While I definitely enjoy women at times, I do like men more. During this time, I just had no interest in sex. I went about four years with nothing until I met my ex. Those of you that know me may remember that we spent many years in the swinging lifestyle and I quickly brought my single digit sex partner number up to over 100 (men and women). Now that I'm single again since May 2009, I have been successful in shutting things off. Until this past January.

I noticed at work, sometimes, that one of the cute, single employees seemed like he was flirting with me. However, he's 11 years younger than me and I don't feel like I'm his "type" (not skinny enough or pretty enough). He would usually bring petite, young, pretty hispanic girls to any company function. So, I figured that was his type (yes, he's hispanic, but I don't care about that). We've worked together for almost 7 years now. I'm in the office and he's in production. But he got injured at work and was on restricted duty for almost 6 months. He worked in the office with me and we became even closer friends. One time I needed his help, so I said "Gaspar, I need you". He came to help me but said (with a smirk) "right here, now, in front of everyone? Can I at least take a shower first?" I think I had to pick my jaw up off the floor internally. Externally I lauged because it was funny. Then, we got to January of this year. Gaspar asked me to help him sell some boy's furniture. He figured I knew someone with a small child that could use it and it was going for a great price. So, we exchanged cell phone numbers and have been texting each other almost daily since then.

But, on 1/30/12, he was joking about sending me a picture of himself for me to post on Craigslist as being available. I told him that it better not be a naked picture, because I did not want to get in trouble for posting porn. He laughed and said I was crazy...and I agreed, I am crazy. One thing led to another and suddenly he's offering to end my "dry spell". I didn't even know what to say. We continued talking via text daily and things turned into a sort of "friends-with-benefits" type relationship. It's not full benefits as he's a little bit traditional and feels that if we actually have sex then there's some kind of commitment there. I thought that was actually sweet and I know that not everyone can share my mindset that sex can be separate from love. But, as time went on, I started getting confused about how he felt about me. He'd call me "babe" and "hon" and tell me things like "love ya". And, over time, I realized I wanted a little more. I don't want a serious relationship but I would like to casually date him, so I told him this. His response was slow in coming but when he finally responded he said that he wanted to continue how we were going now. That our friendship has gotten so much stronger and he's open to it becoming more. I was happy with that answer. I'm just not used to taking things this slowly. I moved in with my ex-husband 4-weeks after meeting him and we were engaged 2 months later. Yes, there were some extenuating circumstances there, but nothing major. So, to plod along like this, with sexual tension, innuendo and major flirting for six months, I'm getting a little impatient. lol

There is also a second man in my life. I met him through a friend on Facebook. He asked if he could add me as a friend and we started talking. We finally met about 3 months ago. He's a very nice guy but I have some issues and I know that I don't feel the same way that he does. He lives about 45 minutes away and works weekends so really don't get a chance to see each other very often. I should probably just be up front with him about how I feel but I don't mind seeing him every now and then. If he starts showing more signs of affection for me, though, I'll have to be honest because even though I don't want to hurt his feelings, I don't want to string him along either. If only Gaspar felt like this about me, then I'd be all set!! lol

I am tired of school. I really just want to be done. I only had a 2 week break between the spring semester and the summer. I thought I was going to have a month break between summer and fall but NOPE, I was wrong about that too. My last class period is 7/23/12, with a final project due by Noon on 7/27/12. I turn right around and start again on 8/21/12. But, since I am taking an accelerated class in the fall, I will have homework due on 8/21/12 so I'll have to start working on that a week or two in advance. So really my break amounts to about a week or two. I am so close to the end of my Bachelor's but I am really struggling. I am tired. I just want to be done and live my life. Don't even get me started about that fact that I'm not even really done on 12/15/12 as my Master's degree will begin in the middle of January, 2013. Ugh!

The ex and I had plans to take Henry to see the downtown Milwaukee fireworks on Tuesday night. Well, about 6pm or so my phone blows up with texts and I see that I had two missed calls from him. Apparently, his car was either stolen or impounded and he had to walk home from work (it's a 20 minute drive TO work and he walked home in the heat...crazy man!!!). So, I was on my own with Henry. I was hoping maybe Gaspar would decide to go but he was so tired from working and being so hot, he fell asleep until almost 9pm. It went ok but boy was I nervous! I don't like taking Henry by myself to someplace so crowded and in the dark. He constantly feels like he has to go potty and so I had to either leave our stuff sitting unattended or pack it all up each time we went to the port-o-johns. I chose to just take important stuff (i.e. car keys, cell phone) and leave the rest sitting. The show was about an hour long and Henry had no interest in it. He wanted to run around and go look at the lake or go look at the vendors selling glow-in-the-dark items. It was a bit frustrating. We did not get home until almost 11:45pm. Never least not until Henry is much older!!

On the holiday, we took Henry to the local parade. Why my municipality has their stupid parade at 12:15 (when everyone else seems to has theirs at 9am - before it gets too hot) is beyond me. But, we went anyway, on the hottest day of the year. Yes, folks it was 102 degrees. I am burnt to crisp and I was wearing sunscreen! About an hour to an hour and half into it, I told Henry that we needed to go. He started getting all upset because it wasn't over yet. However, I was dizzy, weak-knee'd, nauseous, seeing spots and my nose/mouth were tingling badly. Once the tingling started moving down my neck, shoulder and left arm I knew I was in serious trouble!! So, we packed up and started walking back to the car and got home. I finally got cooled off and spent the rest of the day inside the house in the central air. No one mentioned fireworks to Henry for last night because not one of us wanted to head back out in the heat/humidity. What a crappy holiday!!

If you made it through this rather large update (careful what you ask for Robin!), congratulations and thank you!!

<3 Carol


previous entry: I guess....

next entry: Doormat

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Your holiday could have been spent sans power....

as for the sex thing Ive never really been able to turn my desire off... desire for whom i had sex with definately. After jackass raped me there was no way in HELL he was going to have sex with me again...

sex with women...yes...would try more but it is hard to find admittedly bi women...sigh

yea my idea about kids and large crowds, if they dont know they are missing something...they arent missing something. so wait until he is older like you said...

[ceruleandolphin|0 likes] [|reply]

Wow, 20 years of customer service and anything would be more relaxing than that! I'm so glad you've found something you enjoy and find cathartic.

I'm hoping things continue to move in the general upward direction. Here's to hoping!

[derdoppelgangerStar|0 likes] [|reply]

A big update for sure! It's always the way, isn't it, with boys, lol
Bugger about being burnt. I got heatstroke once when it was over 100 here, but I didn't get burnt.. Except for the part in my hair. I was wearing and reapplying sunblock like a fiend! The scalp blistered. I was so glad I'd done the sunblock elsewhere!!

[mrs mandy mooStar|0 likes] [|reply]

yaaay for updates!!!
ok wait...I thought I'd been around a long time, but somehow I missed the "swinger" stuff with the ex! hmmmm.... how did I miss that?

I use to think I wanted sex all the time. That I needed it. I realize now, after being with my hubby for so long, and not being able to have it as often or as "fully" as before, that what I really needed before was the intimacy that sex brings. We have just as much intimacy without full on sex, or even sexual stuff sometimes as any physical relationship I guess, b/c I do not really miss it much. I'm finally content and happy with what I have and dont' feel the need for more!
I guess that's a good thing!

[*Stealth Bombshell*|0 likes] [|reply]

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