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by br!na

previous entry: im still alive :)

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I think I'm still here, barely holding on..


I'm not sure if anyone is even still subscribed to this thing, or if anyone will read it. I know Ive been gone for a really long time, and I guess I have some explaining to do.

First, is a really lame excuse, but its true. I couldn't log in for a while and finally gave up. Until now!

Second- a lot of things have changed, I've been very busy, and very sick. So I hope you guys can forgive me. And let me try again.

Melissa and I are no longer TTC. Only because in July, I found out I have hemochromatosis. And that would probably be passed on to any child I ever have. And I'm not that selfish. I would never want a child to go through what I go through. So we stopped trying. We did, however, sign up for foster care classes. We took all of the classes, passed all of the inspections and we were finally APPROVED last month!!! So now we are just waiting in them to call us with a child! no, its not going to be the same as having my own child. But it will be helping children that really need it. We are also signed up for adoption as well! And we are pretty excited about all of it!!

As far as sickness goes.. I really don't feel 25 anymore. I started out having really bad stomach pains. The doctors thought it was my gall bladder. I was sent to a gastro Dr. I saw him for 6 months, had 2 hida scans, 2 upper GIs, and a colonoscopy done. All he found was some gastritis. I gave up for a while, because even though I was getting worse, all the doctors seemed to think it was in my head. I started having stomach attacks where I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel the need to use the restroom, and also feel nauseous. I have really bad pains all over my abdomen, I break out in a cold sweat, get really pale, feel like I'm going to pass out.. etc. I have 2-3 of those a month. And they last 20-45 min. Then came the fatigue. I was tired all the time no matter what. I had no energy to do anything at all. And my random pains ( which I have had since I was a teenager and always thought were growing pains) got worse and worse. Stabbing pains, Sharp pains, throbbing pains, dull aches, burning pains..etc. it was a constant thing. Finally I got an appt with a Dr on vanderbilt. She ran a lot of tests and she's he one that diagnosed me with hemochromatosis. It's a blood disease, iron overload. Idk. I don't really understand it. I just have to go back every 6 months to have my blood checked. If it has too much iron in it, I have to have a therapeutic phlebotomy. Because the overload of iron in my blood causes A LOT of health problems, and makes me feel really crappy. But it didn't explain the pain. And she was worried. ( mainly because I was constantly in tears at this point.) So she sent me to a rheumatologist. He did a lot of tests. And he diagnosed me with osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia. Two things that will never go away and are a constant battle in my life. I'm always in pain. Some days are worse than others. But its.always there. And it always will be. I ended up having to quit my job in Dec. Because I just couldn't do it anymore. There are days when I can't even get out of bed. So I am currently filing for disability.

And at the moment, I am battling walking pneumonia. So you can probably imagine how tired of this I am. My immune system is low. So I'm always sick. On top of my other illnesses. And I'm only 25 yrs old. I'm not sure what the rest of my future holds. Right now, it doesn't look too good.

So, i hope that you guys can forgive me for being away so long! But I promise to really try and stay in touch from now on!!

previous entry: im still alive :)

next entry: Pinterest

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I always wondered where you went dear.. It has been so long.
I rarely update anymore but still read and comment all the time.

[A mother's journey*|0 likes] [|reply]

Welcome back, sweetheart. That's a lot of heavy things to battle all at once.

[polywogStar|0 likes] [|reply]

That is a lot of crap to deal with . I hope some helpful pain management is figured out for you.

[star_chaser09|0 likes] [|reply]

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