im just sad. the winter is almost here and though im trying to fix.. us... we arent fixing. we are the same, everyday and its all so depressing and dark. this winter i want to be with him.. but i dont live here anymore.. so ill be stuck in my place alone, cold and dying. bored, the same movies over and over.. unless i get some direct tv. i wont make it. theres alot to it really.. its not just not seeing him, being away, not living here, being stuck at my place for days and days.. and i know i add so much to simple shit all the time it seems but this is a big deal to me. i may be being over-dramatic or something but i lived here for like a year.. then all of a sudden.. im at my place. so its heartbreaking and he keeps talking about winter and last winter i could take pictures of him, i could take pictures of him looking and BEING happy, we were in love, thick and thin it was us TWO. now hes so distant that i want to cry all the time and he said he could get back to where he was [loving me the way he did] but i dont think he can. and if this winter comes and that happens.. me alone, cold, stuck there with nothing.. WE wont make it. because he'll let me go just the same as i'll let him go. and i will NOT be ok. at all. and im trying to not think about it so much but.. its going to be hell. =[ |
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