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[poem] -XO with poisons-
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thank you! i appreciate the comment and the compliment. this poem was drug out of the depths of my soul, to share.. its always nice to hear that someone likes your poetry. especially when its your soul put it writing. =]
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[_-nukcleur.pink-_]
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breakup?
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thank you! i hope everything works out too but im scared to death it wont. and walking away from him would be.. harder than any guy ive walked away from. i love him so much and the behavior isnt just him but... he needs to grow up a little i think, and take responsibility. but thanks girl, i appreciate the positive energy =]
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[_-nukcleur.pink-_]
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breakup?
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i know. trust me, i completely agree, and its destroying me more and more all the time. but hes so hard to leave, for me to stay strong and keep him away, ya know?
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[_-nukcleur.pink-_]
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breakup?
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yeahhh, we didnt break up. emotions are running pretty deep right now. a break up was expected but.. i guess hes hanging on too. to something that will never be ok. but for him, his wellness FAR exceeds my own. he has control, hes a macho man so he shoves me down into the dirt and rubs my face in it and expects me to have no emotion. and he doesnt face reality. he drinks it away and denies it and anything he can do to keep from beign who he IS.
thank you for commenting on my diary though!
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[_-nukcleur.pink-_]
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breakup?
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yes, its a very bad situation.. that i do need to get out of but when he was mad last night and i was just trying to talk to him [through texts] i asked him is this it? is this the end of us? and he said no. =[ deep down i wanted him to say yes. sooo bad. because ive tried to walk away and he always convinces me to come back to him.. and i think that he will have to be the one to walk away because apparently borderline personality, which i dont even believe i have.. ok maybe, but if you have that you love/idolize your significant other OR you hate them.. kinda thing. AND theres ""fear of being alone". and i have like no friends here and i really just.. dont know what to do cuz this winter im going to be stuck here, alone, freezingand snow bound 1/2 the time im sure, nothing to do no tv just walls the keep me closed in... like a cage. and pretty soon after that shit starts i WILL bea wild animal. inside my own home. trying to break free from the metaphorical cage. =[
but thank you for commenting on my page!
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[_-nukcleur.pink-_]
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your such a screw up.
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not trying to kick you while you're down. i apologize if it came across that way. but i'm not the type to come here, read something like this, and then say, "oh that sucks." i've been in your shoes -- i was in an abusive relationship. i, too, was fucked in the head, and i wish someone would have smacked me around and made me realize that THAT isn't how relationships are supposed to be. I wish you luck with your demons, but I don't need someone coming back at me with anger when all i was trying to do was help (albeit, not in a manner that you desire). So I'll agree that we leave each other alone and stay off each others' pages.
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[.erodium.]
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your such a screw up.
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thanks for your input bitch, who are you to try to tell me shit about myself? you dont know me, you dont know what my past holds, you know nothing. and i dont need you coming on here giving me your god damn "advice"; nothing. i have a shrink and plenty of shit thrown my way from my family, thank you. i am well aware that i have demons and am attracted to fucked up men. im in the process of breaking the cycle and breaking up with this asshole. im trying to get the fucking car. and you dont know who he's got around so fuck you. stay off my page, i dont need your advice, commentary, bullshit, NOTHING. i thought you were nice but your just another fucking person trying to kick me while im down. but guess what? im on my way up and this kinda shit isnt gonna effect me for long. ive got plans. ive got plenty. so fuck off and go fuck with someone else. the shit you said was pretty fucking low in my opinion.. but whatever. if thats who you chose to be, so be it.
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[_-nukcleur.pink-_]
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your such a screw up.
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you don't have a spell on each other. you're fucked in the head and attracted to men who abuse you. and he KNOWS he can abuse you, so he will do whatever he can to keep you around.
by the way, abusers never abuse one person. they always have a second person they keep around, just in case their primary abusee finally smartens up.
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[.erodium.]
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gone.
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Thank you for sharing your opinion! it is wonderful! 
I do not mean that your past experiences do not have an affect on you today. That would just be silly. Of course they affect you today.
What I mean, though, is that you can take one of two sides:
the first is to blame your actions and reactions on what has happened to you in the past.
the other is to choose to act differently, the right way, regardless of what has happened in the past.
it's not easy, not at all, i understand.
but, the first step is realizing that:
you are not what happened to you in the past, but you are what you CHOOSE to be like, right now.
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[.erodium.]
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souls collide
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we are not the reactions to our past...
that's just an excuse to continue the easy path.
you are nothing more than this moment, and this time. everything that's happened before is nothing, and can be erased, if you choose to act the way you feel you shoudl in your heart.
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[.erodium.]
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fisticuffs
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he set you up so you will fail.
so that way he has an "excuse" to abuse you.
you can not win.
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[.erodium.]
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lovely
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you can not reason with an abusive person.
they don't DO reason, or logic.
even when you're right, they'll shift the subject to something that will HURT you so it HURTS wwhen you're right.
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[.erodium.]
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the vine
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you don't pine. he only manipulates you to think that you do.
and you are doing nothing wrong.
he manipulates you to make you think that you are..
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[.erodium.]
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gone.
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congratulations on ending such an unhealthy source in your life.
i hope you have the strength to stick with it.
share what you're going through with everyone you can.t hat will help.
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[.erodium.]
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friend?
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thank you. ^_^ ya know its bullshit that you have all these clues and find hairs in places [hairs that arent yours] everywhere and shit like that and every chick around wants to get with your man. i swear i carry mace and knives with me at all times. ive been through hell. ive been through with him as well. if it ends... if it ends like that, i will definitely break. because.... like i said.. hell. to lose him like THAT.. i will collapse, my sanity will disappear and i will have major wiggage, probably black out on someone and do crazy shit.
-=shrug=- i cant control it. ='(
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[_-nukcleur.pink-_]
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Well said.
I get like that, too |:
welcome to bloop