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-Neurotically Yours's Diary
by -Neurotically Yours

previous entry: Broken Glass Breakups and Life Goes On

next entry: These last few days...

A Crisis of Faith: Posing Questions That Have No Answers?


As a warning, this is largely religious and written from a Christian view, so if you're not interested, you can still go and click on something more entertaining instead.

I've had this problem for a while now.  Just questions that I've had that no on has been able to even really begin to answer.  Whenever I'm asked what I believe, I start from the beginning and work my way to the present and most of the standard lines of my religion seem more plausible than the alternatives to me.  Obviously, or I wouldn't believe it.

But as with anything you claim to believe without empirical evidence, you have wonders and doubts.  These are the questions I've had for years.  Things that seem to boil up in my mind a lot more than usual recently.  And things that I really want an answer for.  Not the standard "if God is so good, why do bad things happen?" crap.  Those answers are usually fairly obvious, but the person asking the question isn't in the mindset, or just doesn't have the balls to hear the answer.  No, I'm afraid these questions are a bit more complicated....

Firstly, I'll just jump right in to the big one.  Does faith, by its standard definition exist?  The reasoning for this question is fairly convoluted, so I'll walk through it by step.  I don't remember where exactly, but according to several people I know, and a sense of familiarity all my own, there is supposed to be a verse in the Bible that claim that all who will be brought to God have been pre-destined to it.  All very well and good until you see the very obvious implications that presents.  That would mean that evangelism, the means of spreading the faith, is absolutely useless.  We are commanded to do it, as Christians, yet it serves no useful purpose.  The importance of the church is also severely diminished.  Why?  Because if these people are pre-destined to come over to this side anyway, there is no reason to evangelize.  Proliferation of the faith is assured, no matter what you choose to do.  This would imply that if no Christian ever evangelized again, there would still be people picking up the religion on their own.  The church would not need to be a place for people to come and hear the Word to convert because they would be doing it on their own, with no encouragement.

The next implication of that statement is that you are born to an ultimate destiny that you have no say in.  You are born, and then immediately you are locked in to your destination.  Free ride to heaven?  Right on.  Hell bound in a baby carriage?  Guess you lost the cosmic roll of the dice.  I have particular trouble swallowing this because there is nothing in history and nature to make me believe that God is a gambling man.  I don't believe He's one to throw a soul in the roulette wheel before it drops into a body.  This also means that your friends, who you obviously would want to make it into heaven (if you care for them at all) aren't people you can influence religiously.  They are either going to be there or not and neither you nor they can change that.  That just doesn't seem right to me.

As a sort of off-shoot question, the implication of ultimate destiny seems to tie in nicely with the omniscience of God to make a neat argument for your freedom of will being an illusion, and that every move you make is set on tracks that you can't deviate from.  After all, if God knows what you're going to do before you do it, it's as good as done, right?  And then what?  You can't change what God knows you're already going to do?  Do you have any choices?

And if it turns out that it is true that every little move you make is predestined, then the definition of sin itself starts to unravel.  Sin is a willing departure from what you know is right into doing that which you know is wrong.  But if you can't change what you're doing, then is it really your fault that you did it?  Or is it a story already written into your overall destiny?

I'd like to take this moment to point out that all this talk of destiny and whatnot is largely conjecture and me asking "what if" questions.  I don't believe that this is the way things are, but they seem like valid questions to me, and I enjoy asking "what if?"  So don't take what I'm writing here as blasphemous or heretical (if you believe anything truly fits those words, yourself.)

I've been told not to think about this overly much by people (like my parents) who can't even begin to answer those questions.  But I don't stop thinking about it.  I like to know what it is that I believe and why I would believe it.  I would still classify myself as a Christian, but one with questions.  And to truly have a faith, I believe you must ask questions of your own faith constantly.  Following blindly because it is what you were taught isn't really faith, to me.  Faith cannot be proven, or disproven, but even with questions that have no answers, I feel compelled to seek answers.  Too curious a mind I guess.

And this is what I think about.  Mostly just when I'm at work.  I have a mind numbingly dull job and far too much time to think.

previous entry: Broken Glass Breakups and Life Goes On

next entry: These last few days...

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That right there is why I'm agnostic.

[xanderthebuttmonkeyStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I feel the same way and Im Christian. I think we all have these thoughts and questions and confusions..?


Well, as for the evangelization and such probably to keep us out of trouble, which, if I can make any statement of, you and I are both quite good at...

The question that's always in my mind is this:
Statement 1) God is Omnipresent.
Statement 2) I've heard many Christians say that the greatest thing about going to heaven is that they will be with God, and the worst thing about going to Hell is that God is not there...
Question ) If God is omnipresent is He not also in hell? Hell is a place, right? So either God is present in Hell, and making a primary arguement of that being the worse part of Hell no longer valid. Or God is not present in Hell and is therefor not Omnipresent.
That always leads to this:
If Jesus went to Hell those three days He was dead, and that is what is making God present in Hell, then time is not in a line, or in a circle (even if clocks are round) but more in some shit pile on the floor or some swirl or some sort of self-paralleled mind fuck. If that's the case then it leads us to a Schrodingers cat situation in which we are simulatiously alive, dead, and preexistant....
It makes my head hurt.

[Ice Vampire|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm sorry that you're feeling the same way. I think it most often hits when I'm either at work or at home alone. I dislike my job, as well. It's tedious and mundane. I feel so unremarkable sitting at a desk eight hours each day. I've been feeling a little better since writing that entry. What generally helps me is spending time with other people (friends or my mother) and doing various activities (sailing, photography, going out to eat, hiking, etc). I generally don't say down too long. I'll hope that we're both in a better place soon. How are you and Lindsay doing?

[xo heatherStar|0 likes] [|reply]

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