It hit me last night while waiting for all my roommates to get home that this is going to be my first Christmas without Papa. It's been six months and almost three weeks since he passed. I'm ready for it and I'm not.
I didn't fully comprehend Abuelito's passing during the holidays because we all put on brave faces for my primo Mateo. Mostly because he was eight and it was his first family death; on top of living with them. Then Covid hit. I'm also relatively good at shutting off/disconnecting from certain emotions. I'm a ..... mom bear type, for lack of a better way to describe it, and I worry and care about everyone else before me. Part of it is definitely abandonment issues stemmed from Albie and shitty fuckin friends *shrug*
Thankfully hubby and I leave for my parent's house once he gets off work this afternoon. I get to see my baby sister who I haven't seen in like a year 😭. And honestly, I think I just really need a mom and dad hug. This weekend is going to be hard.
Happy Holidays, y'all.