DeVisualise Add Fave Search
Not Logged In
0
Your Username:
Your Password:

[ sign up | recover ]

Ellie's Diary
by Ellie

previous entry: Three Days

next entry: Tomorrow!

This is me, not sleeping

10/16/2010



but I'm too tired to think


I'm fucking exhausted but I can't sleep. I am in so much pain that I couldn't if I tried. Trust me, I'd LOVE to. But I know it's a lost cause. I'm tempted almost to go back to the ER because of the pain in and of itself, but I know there's nothing they could do more then give me lortab or something and send me home, maybe keep me for a D&C that I'd rather avoid if possible. I've never had a miscarriage this early be this physically painful.

Kyle and I bought pumpkins to carve and a bottle of wine while we were out this afternoon. Had a couple glasses of wine and carved them up this evening after the kids went to bed. Originally we were going to wait until closer to Halloween to carve pumpkins, but, I think we both kindof needed the distraction tonight. There's still about another glass of wine left in the bottle, and I'm tempted to go ahead and drink it, since it won't be good tomorrow (Pink Champagne), but I don't know. I don't care really. I'm kindof void of any true emotion at this point. I wasn't excited about being pregnant, I can't lie, I wasn't happy at all. The timing was horrible. But now, I feel so incredible guilty for not being excited about this baby when I had the chance. Wouldn't it be beautiful if life had a rewind button?!

Kyle was sick most of the day....he got pretty drunk last night once everything went downhill, and as much as he swore it was a stomach flu (because it lasted too far into the day to be a hangover) I really thin it was from drinking too much. He drank from about 3 til about 630 and then went to sleep...neither of us went to sleep til then really. He swore it was a stomach flu, but...no, I don't think so. I tried babying him today though, pushed fluids down him constantly til he threw up a couple times and felt better. It kills me how upset he is about all this. Like me, he wasn't terribly excited about the pregnancy, due to the timing, but I think that he was clinging to hope of them being wrong, too. I know I was.

Keeping things upbeat for the kids. They didn't know I was pregnant, so they don't know I'm not anymore, so they don't understand why I am sad. I'm trying to keep things positive around them though. I know it's what they need more then anything.


AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

previous entry: Three Days

next entry: Tomorrow!

0 likes, 4 comments

[ | add comment ]

Add Comment

Add Comment

Please enter the following WHITE digits in the box below.

Confirmation Code

so sorry you had to go through this. I know its would be devastating, if you need anything i can lend an ear.


SO WHERE ARE YOUR PICTURES OF THE PUMPKINS!!!

[ICky VICkyStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you feel better soon.

[+& HelloKatie|0 likes] [|reply]

This entry sounds almost exactly like what I'm feeling. The timing wasn't right for us either really but by the time I lost the baby I wanted it desperately. ((Hugs))

[*MonkeyLover*|0 likes] [|reply]

hey girl im so sorry i know how hard it is. try to keep your head up..if you ever want to talk like old times you can call or text me (let me know if you want my num)

[.Jess|0 likes] [|reply]

Diary added to your faves.
Online Friends
Offline Friends