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fart jokes are the best
by raen

previous entry: Weddings...Photography

next entry: A photo....maybe

Wedding Drama For Your Reading Pleasure


This entry is dedicated to The Ryan since he requested the wedding drama.


Where shall I begin? Oh yes, at the bride's moms house. We arrive right on time, and the ladies are all standing just outside the door, smoking bongs (yes, bongs) in huge rubber boots. It sets the stage for some classy moments ahead. Once we're inside, there's a lot of needless standing around and I'm confused as to why we're just waiting for me to get started on photos. And then I discover it's because one of the bridesmaids (the bride's sister) is doing the brides hair and I can't start until then. I don't know why; there are plenty of things for me to do before then. But hey, not my day. She finally rolls up an hour late and procedes to bitch about having to do her sisters hair for free. Don't offer it up then, bitch. They get started, and so do I. I take some great photos of all the party getting ready for the big day. The entire time she's doing the brides hair she's making commentary about running late because it's taking forever and she wont have time to do her own hair, etc. I mean, if you had shown up when the rest of the bridesmaids were supposed to show up (9:30am btw) then you wouldn't feel like you're running late. But what do I know. 


At this point, I have now taken some decent shots of the hair and makeup shindig. I decide to take some shots of the bridesmaids dresses and the wedding gown all hung up nicely. The maid of honour leads the way and we get organized to get some shots. Of course, I don't have all of them, so she goes off to find the rest of the dresses and we all arrange them in neat rows and organize them for the shots. But then she pulls a dress out of a bag that hasn't been touched since the purchase. It's the brides sisters dress. You know, the one doing her hair and being a see you next tuesday. It's a different dress! AND she ordered it a week before the wedding. She waited for eons to order her dress. Their dresses were picked out last year. It's the right colour, thank god, but the Maid of Honour is freaking out. So I tell her to try it on because she's the only one who should have a different dress from the other bridesmaids. Thank god it fits her. She ends up worrying that the other bridesmaid is going to spaz out and my response, the only response really, is "It's not her day. She can suck it up."  Luckily, she seems okay with it as she'll get the dress back after the wedding and all that jazz. Of course, at one point she decided that myself and my photo assistant were annoying, and told us. Yep. It happened.


Finally everyone is ready to go. Everyone leaves at the same time, and theoretically should arrive at the same time. But no. The troublesome bridesmaid is forty minutes late. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Where the hell did she go? We stopped on the way so that Chris could go to the bathroom and we still got there before the wedding party. We had to wait for her in order to start the whole ceremony. If I were the bride, I would have just started without her after all the nonsense she had caused by this point. She finally arrives, the wedding gets under way, and I do my thing. It was lovely, and I got a front row seat being the photographer. And then came picture time. Bridesmaid wanders off. Again. Bride takes a few selfies with guests. And that's fine. It's her day. The Maid of Honour (who clearly hates the drama bridesmaid) goes and gets the other bridesmaid. She comes back, sans the other bridesmaid. We take a few test shots of the other five bridesmaids, having a relaxed good time in the shade by the trees. Then, finally, she appears. I get some bridesmaid shots. The bride arrives and we start doing photos. And then the dramatic bridesmaid decides she and others should climb the tree a little bit for an interesting shot. Sure, no problem. We give it try. Everyone in the tree looks ridiculous. So I let them know it's not working. She ignores me and starts instructing others to climb the tree. Then asks me how she looks and I tell her she looks like she's missing a leg and the shots aren't working. If looks could kill. Just wow. And then she comes out with this: "I'm a photographer. We should do it this way." And procedes to start gesturing about lighting. Sure, let's just go ahead andhave everyone's back to the sun. -_- I shoot her down and tell her to get in line with the others.


At this point, I don't have any other issues with her on my end. She listens to my instructions, even looks like she's having a good time. The post ceremony photos go off without a hitch, and everyone has a good time. And then we get to our next dramatic moment. A few of the bridal party have a bottle of wine outside and are sipping from it before going inside. Illegal? Yes. A reason to cause crazy moments? No. The bartender comes out and asks them not drink in the parking lot. It's his right. He probably handled it wrong as he was yelling at them. And then he goes inside. No big deal. Wrong. The dramatic bridesmaid starts storming after him. She's yelling to anyone who can hear her about how she's going to give him a piece of her mind. No. Not her job. So, two other bridesmaids and the MC goes running after her to stop her. I swear, she needs all the attention on her. Even when it's her sisters wedding and not hers.


The drama ends for a while, and normal wedding festivities go on. Little do I know, she's being vulgar toward everyone she can, and just in general being disruptive. Several guests actually leave because of her, and several complain to the bride and groom, and their parents. She gets spoken to several times to calm down and just enjoy the night. Guess she didn't listen to that one. And then the brides father demands they give him the money people have given them for their wedding. What. No idea why. He gets asked to leave. Her sister helps demand said money for her father. And somehow isn't kicked out of the reception. But that's none of my business.  I get my last photos done near the end of the night and we leave the party.


Later, I find out the dramatic bridesmaid/sister was arrested the very next day on coke possession and obstruction of justice. LOL And now is under house arrest at her mothers after being bailed out. The condition of the bail is that she isn't allowed to see certain people and one of them is actually her young son. Her mother is babysitting her currently. This family is fucking crazy. And the worst part? They're now in my family. The groom is my brother. 


I wouldn't have made my sister a bridesmaid if she was that much of a see you next tuesday. You don't have to make them part of your day just because they're your family. So silly. Gosh. So, that's the drama so far. 


You're welcome, Ryan. LOL

previous entry: Weddings...Photography

next entry: A photo....maybe


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Love the aesthetic of bong smoking at the wedding. Must have looked super cute in the photos?! 😂

I loved every second of this. I will absolutely be swigging from a bottle of wine in the car park at my wedding.

And I love the father going round demanding money off everyone at the reception?! 😂 Do these people not get out into society often? None of them seem to have any idea about how to access normal conversation or festivity. I LOVE THEM. Feel free to post photos of them all!
X [The RyanStar] [reply]

LOL. Okay, so I did a pretty good job of avoiding bongs in the photos. HAHAHA

The father got the shitty bridesmaid sister to do it too. So I guess it was a team effort to shit on my brother's wedding. Lol It was just so Jerry Springer, man. [raen] [reply]