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fart jokes are the best
by raen

previous entry: Sweet Hell

next entry: Hilarious Theft Story

Ugh, I'm sick. Interesting descriptors inside!


Okay, so today was my first day back from vacation. And I woke up sort of feeling a little blah; I just figured it was because my knee has prevented a very deep sleep the last few days. But no, I am getting sick. And do you know why? Because my sister brought her germ infested son to Ontario with her and he spread his germs everywhere. And today, I started with just some mild sniffles. No big deal, right? WRONG. So wrong. Around three, I noticed the sniffles were getting a little worse. And now, at seven forty-three, I no longer can breathe through my mouth, I am constantly sneezing, and I have a damn headache. And the headache is migrating south. To my sinueses. No. Just no. It will inevitably become a sinus infection, because I have a non-existent immune system. It's like someone had a party, let all their dirty little friends in, and then left every window and door open, whilst shitting on every surface. 


Because when you have an autoimmune disease, your immunse system just attacks itself. So. Yeah. Thanks. OH! And my mother has informed me that it's been going around since about a week after my brothers wedding. So my other brother has been sick, my mom has been sick, and my step dad has been sick. In a few days, it will be Chris. Lol because he kissed me this afternoon after he picked me up from work (awww cute, right?) and AFTER I told him I was definitely getting sick. And he'll be a baby about it. But frankly, I'm probably a bigger baby. Hey. Don't look at me like that. When I get sick, I don't get mildly sick; I get excessively sick. One of my worst was the three prescription cold. Yeah. That was a delight. Chris came home with a mild cold, and then I got it. And I kept trying to go to work and Craig (my direct manager) kept sending me home. So I kept going to the doctor. I ended up with a nasal spray for the ridiculous fluid buildup in my ears and nose, an inhaler for my inflamed lungs, and then a double whammy of two types of antibiotics for the resulting super sinus infection I got. So of course, I got a yeast infection from the antibiotics too. Everytime I tried to work, I was told off by staff members. LOL And every single time I came back to get a prescription filled, I could see the pity. What should have been a mild cold was two months of hell. At one point, Chris and I were sick at the same time, so we grabbed the duvet, parked ourselves on the couch (because that's what sick people do for whatever reason), and watched cartoons with our own bags of used kleenex beside us. He was better in a few days. I was not. He felt pretty bad about it because he knew he was the one who got me sick. 


You're probably wondering why I wont be calling in sick. Well, lovely readers, we have inventory on Tuesday, and I'm management. I have to make sure my office is primed and ready to go. And since I was just away for two weeks, I have a bunch of things to catch up on my office before that day. It's going to blow balls. Because I feel like a bag of smashed assholes. Or at least I assume is what a bag of smashed assholes feels like. The only thing worse would be if my digestive tract desides this is the day it hates any and all food. Because, that's a thing that happens. Like a surprise party, but not a good one. Like a surprise party in which some well meaning family member accidentally invites all your exes and enemies, and they all show up. And every gift you get is somehow poop. And it's not solid. Yeah. Like that. That's what my body does sometimes.


FYI, don't get heat exhaustion. You would think you just faint and are in need of hydration, but what actually happens is like that surprise party I described above. It's terrible. For about two weeks this summer, I experienced it every couple of days from my walks home from work. Heat and I don't mix. I was so confused. So I decided to walk slowly and have a huge bottle of water with me as I headed home. I also made sure I didn't forget my baseball hat, or my sunglasses. Guess who stopped getting head exhaustion? This lady! And I'm officially off topic. Off to the NyQuil, Jeeves!

previous entry: Sweet Hell

next entry: Hilarious Theft Story


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