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In The Shadows
by Concrete Rose

previous entry: Time

next entry: 2 Weeks/6 Days

Dragonfly & More Dreams


The other day when I was out in the pool, I saw a dragonfly in the water (still alive). So I pushed it over towards my pool cover, so it could get up on it and dry off. It stayed there for quite a while, and each time I came around on my float, I looked for it. I knew it was alive because it would change positions. Eventually it flew off.

The last time I saw a dragonfly was when I was still living in Vegas. I remember being in the pool, floating on my back, and it was flying around above me. I don't remember if I researched the symbolism of seeing a dragonfly when I lived in Vegas. I feel like I did, but I obviously forgot all about it. And I didn't research it a few days ago, but this morning I decided to.

Here are some interesting things I found:


The thing that makes dragonflies so unique and special is that they have very short lives. They don’t have any time to waste, so when they are near you, you can bet they have a VERY good reason.

Usually, they are there to tell you something important. If you are very stressed, always thinking about the past or what you need to do, chances are that a dragonfly will pay you a visit.

It’ll be there to tell you, that you should remember to be in the moment and maybe that you need to change some things in your life.

Also, when you are in a bad relationship, wasting your time at work or worry too much, they like to pay a visit to tell you about how you can change and make a transformation in your life.


Change and transformation
Joy, lightness of being
Symbol of the realm of emotions, invitation to dive deeper into your feeling
Being on the lookout for illusions and deceits, whether are external or personal
Connection with nature’s spirits and fairies


So it makes sense when one visited me while living in Vegas, because I had a rough time. And I guess it makes sense one is visiting me now, because things aren't going so well. I actually have a dragonfly tattoo, and I didn't get it for the symbolism, but now I guess it all makes sense. How many times have I had to adapt, or deal with change? 'Change' and 'transformation' are repeated. But the one thing I KNOW I need to change, I don't want to change.


Last night I had so many fucking dreams, and Mark was in all of them. I think there were about 5, but the longer I'm awake, the less I remember. This time he wasn't physically in any of them, but we were still txting, meaning we were still talking.

In one of them I was up at the town pool and I was txting Mark.

In another I was in some sort of a baking/cooking competition. Long story short, I got pissed off and I remember wanting to tell Mark all about it.

In another I mentioned something about a Hanson concert, he thought I was at one (I wasn't, it was a virtual one), said we'd talk later and then said, "I love you bunches" with the heart emoji. I know in this dream he must've still been out in CA, because if he was here, he would've known it was a virtual one and that I wasn't actually at one. But apparently our "relationship" was at the point where he was telling me he loved me.

In another dream I had a daughter. She was the cutest thing, I'd say between 1 and 2. What's weird is the dream started out with my dog being in it, and then at some point I was holding an actual child. I remember her doing something really cute, and I couldn't wait to txt Mark about it. I have no idea who's kid it was, but I don't think it belonged to Mark, because I remember thinking that he was ok with me having a kid.


It's hard to have so many dreams and not be able to tell Mark about any of them. But I know if we were still talking, I wouldn't be having any of these dreams. I remember telling him that if things are going ok in my life, I don't dream. (Or I don't remember them.) But if things are shitty, I dream, and they usually aren't fun ones.

I had a horrible dream about a month ago. I must've been out in CA with Mark. His wife was practically on her deathbed. I remember him coming to me and telling me she didn't have much time, and then he got on the couch with me and I held him. I told him this dream. I told him I wasn't a monster, that I would never wish his wife dead. He said he understood, that it was just a dream, but that it definitely fucks with you. I told him that it was interesting that his wife was almost dead and he still chose to be with me.

Again, it's just a dream, and it was my dream. So of course in my dream, he was with me and not her.

previous entry: Time

next entry: 2 Weeks/6 Days

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