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What's your secret?
by BloopSecrets

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We Both Know We Are Doing Something Wrong


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I recently got to know a guy from work. He's 11 years old older than me but we hit it off immediately and became really close friend and he often teach me things in life.

Few months ago, we started an extra-marital affair. In the beginning, he realized he let his wife down and wanted it to end it just there. But however we both know it's impossible since it's not just pure lust. We like each other.

He also love his wife deeply, which is where he is being torn apart because he can't love two person at one go. Sometimes he tells me that he can't be with me because he really love his wife, and he couldn't give me happiness because he's married.

Is there really such person who really love more than 2 person?

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*ahem* DUH. Yes. There are quite a few of us, actually. The idea that people can't love more than one person romantically is a highly damaging movie myth. [polywogStar] [reply]

Why can't someone love more than one person?

Does a mother with more than one child love only one of those children?

Does a person with two parents love only one parent?

I think you should look up "polyamory." This may be you.

I have a man in my life, and we are happy together. But I also have a lady in my life, and I've loved her since shortly after I met her when I was 17. I love them both equally, but for different reasons because they're different people. When I am with each one of them, I know I am in the arms of love, no matter what. And they respect the place that each other has in my life.

People should never fear different types of or expressions of love.

Now, the violation of a marriage vow is quite serious indeed. Trust is violated when people cross that line. I can only hope that if this does come out, that forgiveness can be extended and a loving compromise can be worked out.

Good luck. [Tango2Romeo] [reply]

Of course you can love more than one person.. It happens all the time. But unfortunately, while we are ALL capable of loving multiple people, we all still want to be the ONLY person that our partners love. It's pretty selfish, if you think about it, but that's just the way people are. So yeah, he can love you and his wife at the same time, but it wont stop her from being extremely hurt and probably leaving if/when she finds out, which is probably what he's trying to avoid. In that sense, I think what he really means is that it's "too risky to love more than one person at a time", because he doesn't want to lose what he already has. [Poetic Justice] [reply]

girls like you make me sick... 1. you knew he was married, and yet you let this happen

2. what makes you think what he did to his wife with you he wouldnt do to you? (if he leaves his wife)

[The Dreaming Wife ] [reply]

plus if he is sticking with his wife and your feeling bad because he cannot give you happiness cuz hes married? what part of that is not selfish?

why cant you find someone else? it takes time to get over someone, and you can just move on... hes taken he must be happier with his wife [The Dreaming Wife ] [reply]

"...we both know it's impossible..." No. It's not impossible. It's a choice. There are plenty of people who are faithful to those they've made a commitment to even when they're faced with temptation.

"He also love his wife deeply..." No, that's not love. Love is choosing to do things for a person, choosing to treat her in a certain way, regardless of feelings, which are fleeting.

"...he can't love two person at one go..." Yes, he can. He can love his wife by honoring the commitment he made to her. And he can love you by keeping you at a distance, protecting your heart, and leaving you free to find someone who would be good for you. But he's not showing love to either one of you. He's thinking only of himself, and saying all the right things to keep you stringing along. [ Avonlea@ITW] [reply]

like button...i know it's around here somewhere... [one + twins.Star] [reply]

HAHHAHHAA I found myself looking for it after I read what they wrote!!! [*Ariana*] [reply]

Took the words right out of my mouth lol. [Finally Mrs. Bailey] [reply]

Well said. [*Ariana*] [reply]

The issue is not whether or not he can love two women. The issue is that you're wrecking someone's family because you're selfish. [GiggleStar] [reply]

He's MARRIED. And whether or not he loves his wife, which he obvi doesn't, she probably LOVES him. You're a tramp. [Finally Mrs. Bailey] [reply]

Sounds like a threesome is in order. [kein mitleidStar] [reply]

wow that is a v ery tough spot you have put yourself in I just hope you know hwat you are doing in if for some reason this hurts people I hope it is not the innocent that gets hurt

Sadly yes people do fall for others when they are married it is never meant to happen just does but I think there is a lot that needs to be seen and most people cannot see through your eyes [stickbug7Star] [reply]

Yes, you can love more than one person. [Mommy2Aiden] [reply]

Though it is possible to love more than 2 people... what sort of love I am talking about is how one person can love their spouse and their children and have even room in their hearts for their extended family should they be lucky enough to have a healthy relationship with them.

What you are experiencing is exactly as you described it, pure LUST. Lust is not love... lust in the way you are describing it (for this scenerio) is defined as:

intense sexual desire or appetite.

uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.

a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for ): a lust for power.

Now.... sweetie... I've been in your shoes, I'm not judging you, we all have desires and sometimes we make mistakes because we don't fully think things through... we allow ourselves to be driven solely by our desires instead of our minds....

But you can control it... it isn't impossible... if you don't want it to be.

I too gave in to an incredibly strong sexual desire that was driven by sheer lust. The affair started after I left an abusive marriage, I was seperated, he was single... we started a sexual affair... and it did give me strength to move on... and we did begin to foster a relationship. But he claimed he grew tired of waiting for my divorce to be final and got married like, totally overnight on me... so really the guy was a douche (this is 11 years later mind you and my more rational brain talking).

Eventually we met up for lunch and it started into an extramarital affair (cause not only was he married but his wife was expecting).... I cut it off after 2 months... I realized what I was doing was wrong... I was in a vulnerable state and this man was taking advantage of me..... I ended the affair because I knew that is what I had to do.. I was a single mother and a recently divorced woman who had left an abusive man and here was another man who was taking advantage of me also...but I was no less guilty for consenting knowing he was married and expecting.

My advice to you sweetie, is to cut this man off the milk supply. He's already bought the cow... and he's getting the milk for free from you at the same time he's getting the pre-paid milk (if you follow my analogy).

I know that there are people that are passionate about women who have affairs with married men. In my case, my mind and my heart were so incredibly vulnerable... not to make excuses, what I did was so wrong. And I do have values, and when I was able to really think about what was going on I was like.. this has got to end and I also realized I had to get to a healthier place, a safer place cause I was still living in the same home that I had shared with my ex husband... who emotionally abused me, sexually abused me, physically abused me and he had also broken my 9 week old daughter's arm--this is why I say my heart and my mind were vulnerable... I did things out of desperation for something... what you are doing you must be feeling something empty inside... and you think this man is fulfilling it... but honey he's just sucking you dry.

Take it from a woman that's been there... it's time to go forward... let this man go... he's only going to end up hurting you in the end...and you don't want that. Nothing GOOD can come from this for you, for him, and for his wife and God knows... if he has kids... do you know if he has kids? If he's told you no... are you sure?

Regardless.... lust and love are two different things and it took me so long to find myself and find out what love was..... and this... this hun... isn't love (forgive the huns and sweeties.. I'm a southern girl).

--Other commenters--I realize what I did in the past was wrong...I'm not proud of it... my mind and my heart and my soul was in a dark place... this affair happened back in 2001. I moved from that place shortly after, that state actually.... and I ended up meeting a nice Christian man who taught me love and care and has changed my life and we've been happily married for almost 10 years.--I've asked God for forgiveness for my sins....But I'm not that same vulnerable girl I was then. [Behind.Brown.EyesStar] [reply]

Coming from experience, yes its possible for one to love two people at the same time. I am married, and love my husband deeply, and am also in love with another man. Its tough being torn between two people that you love. I want so much to have both of them in my life, and cant. I can only have my husband. I ache every single day because I cant see him. He brings me a happiness that my husband does not. [~Melissa~] [reply]

See now I felt the same I loved two person at the same time only difference I was never married to know how that feels like so I can't say I know the feeling. But back to the point yes its possible to love two person only until it gets to them where they know their mistake. [TeddyGom] [reply]

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