|I had an abortion, something in which I never thought I could do until I walked in those shoes, where I had to make a choice. I hate that I am so okay with it but then I am thankful I am okay with it! I just don't know...|
I submitted a secret called "How can I be okay with this?" published on 08/04/2015. Recently I have been thinking about the child I did not have and wondering if I would ever have the chance to be a mom again. Been wondering the 'What If's' lately and out of some random act, I decided to come back to Bloop and check out my old diary...
I am thankful I did because I am thankful for the comments that were left. I still struggle and I always will. I knew in due time I may not hurt as much but it's coming up on a year and with all my friends having babies right now, my heart is pretty broken. I cry in silence but I continue to hold my head up and look at the little boy I do have. I know my choice was right for me, but nonetheless, still a very hard and painful one. I will honor him or her every year, for as long as i can.
This was a lesson that I was pretty aware of but never experienced. You can always say you would never do such a thing, but you really don't know until you walk in those shoes. I never thought in a million years i'd have an abortion. I am pro-choice, but for me, I just didn't think I could. Then, I cried for a week. I looked at the son I already had and thought how in the world can I care for these two.. I know there were other choices, but i knew this was the right one for me. I hope one day I can find peace with my choice and the tears will stop falling.. but for now, my heart aches and I will cry my waterfalls and pick up the pieces.
Bless you all and I hope everything you do is the right choice for you! You all are amazing and do not let anyone tell you different!