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What's your secret?
by BloopSecrets

previous entry: Eating

next entry: His Best Friend

Bonnie and Clyde

01/27/2014

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We had an affair several years ago. It was a terrible, stupid thing to do, and we have both since come clean to our partners and moved on with our lives. I never regretted the time spent with you, even though I do sincerely regret the hurt we caused everyone around us... And although there were no hard feelings between you and I after the fact, we eventually drifted apart.

Recently, I found out that you passed away, and that the cause of death was said to be suicide. I don't believe that personally (I feel it may have been accidental), but that is how it will be forever etched in history. I didn't know any of your family or friends, so the only story I got was what I read in the paper. I felt like a douchebag going to your wake, but I knew in my heart I would never forgive myself if I didn't. Luckily, I avoided conflict by going late when there was no chance of anyone being there who might recognize me, and I didn't speak to anyone.

The secret is that after having not really thought about you in a few years, you are now ALL I can think about. And I have no one I can talk to about my feelings because most people don't understand. They remember the affair, and change the topic quickly, or just...Don't understand why I should care at all. I don't really understand why I care myself, yet it kills me to see the whole world moving on as if nothing happened when you're gone and seem to have taken a piece of me with you.

previous entry: Eating

next entry: His Best Friend

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People are very complex beings. Not everything can be black and white. It's natural that you care about the loss of someone you were once very intimate with, even if it was through an affair. There is a reason you were drawn to this person and didn't regret the affair completely. So it is definitely understandable that you feel hurt over their death. I'm truly sorry for your loss and not being able to communicate to those around you due to your mistake. I do think it's great that you care(d) about them so much, though. I don't believe people should be forgotten. [Isolde] [reply]

Its very understandable that you care about someone that you used to to intimate with. I'm sorry to hear about the loss. I wish it wasn't the way it ended the way it did.. regardless which way it did.. accident or not. Take as much time as you need to recover because even tho it was an affair it still means something... hugs [MoonLight1983] [reply]

This is sad. [blackknight] [reply]