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Shadows Of Fantasia........
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

previous entry: And GOD...SPEED. 

next entry: We Can Block Our Entire Whole Lives With Not Forgiving Ourselves.

To You...


I have to say t his now. Dont ask me why for I wont tell today. I have been giving this so much thought, and unintentionally, today is the day I am going to put you ' ride or die ' statement to the test. Because I am not getting drunk and trashing a hotel room. I am not getting drunk and getting high till we both have no money left. I am not getting drunk and trying to killl myself. I am not getting drunk and we fight and I leave and end up god knows where or with whom. ( see how everything starts with getting drunk? ) I am not doing any of that. Im doing something far worse in some peoples eyes. I am trashing what is left of my ego and telling you that I do believe in what those charts say about us,. and looking at it, i t says alot more than you have said out loud to me. It tells a story a tale of these two people who desperately unconditionally love one another. And you always say ' whatever that means, if we are friends or wherever this goes etc. ) but i know what it means cuz i have seen this before. Once. And its a ride or die love like you said but its also two people who didnt give a fuck what anyone said and defied the rules to be together. And I think that it only happens once every time we go around. 


Point is this. I know what I feel in my soul when we talk. In my spirit. And in body because sometimes that even reacts too, not gonna lie. Once you meet me, you will comprehend why we were torn apart. Before. Youll see. I promise. Now enough serious talk, I wanted to tell you something.

If I could? I would take you out wherever you wanted to go, make you feel as special as you really are. We could talk forever you and i, we already talk for hours on the phone. But in person, I have a feeling alot less words would be necesarry, because when you look in certain peoples eyes, you do not have to say a word. But if I did say a word, I would tell you that I want so fucking badly to kiss you. That I want to hold you and tell you it is going to be okay, and even when you dont think it is, I would be there. No matter what. Come hell or high water. And I would be the one who wiped away the tears that come, and when you got mad and wanted to be alone, I would respect that too. 

I also want teo show you what it means to be loved by a SOUL and not just someone wanting to get into your pants. My soul makes to make love to yours. And frankly to let you take out your agressions on me. Haha thers nothing better than an angry chick with a strap on. But no all jokes aside. I want to have you experience the things that you didnt know where possible. To be loved so completely emotinally and physically that theres an entwining that happens that can never be broken in this life or any other. Frankly........And I cant believe im gonna say this......I want to feel you so deep inside that it breaks away any internal chains i ever had. And I want to be so deep inside you, further than anyone has ever gone, so that you know love is not anything you thought it was. I just..........Argh. I want you. There I said it. And I weill want you til the end of time. And maybe beyond...

Somtimes rational thinking and analysis has to go out the window babygirl. And this is one of those times. We are of the stars Lindsay. And the deepest depths of the sea. Can you imane an underwater world with its own solar system, and it lights the world with its flashes of bright colors and tintilating spiriling spinning luxourious rose petal soft FIREWORKS. It would be fantastical. Right then I have embarressed myself enough for one day. 

previous entry: And GOD...SPEED. 

next entry: We Can Block Our Entire Whole Lives With Not Forgiving Ourselves.

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