DeVisualise Add Fave Search
Not Logged In
Your Username:
Your Password:

[ sign up | recover ]

Shadows Of Fantasia........
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

previous entry: Beginning of wonderous fairy tales of real life...

next entry: Advice Spiritual Warfare...



I never in a million years thought I would be writing a message to a rapper. I have no idea if youll ever see this, if youll think Im weird or simply not care, but I am gonna say on anyways. I dont even know why I want to tell you about  my story, except that the heart you have in your music, and the time you take for your fans answering questions, is beautiful. You and your girlfriend are an amazing team ,and I am grateful to have been able to listen to the music. Alot of what you talk about, I relate to. I was always called ugly, always made fun of, even if now I realize thast what it was, I didnt then. Took me years to realize they werent laughing with me but AT me. Anyways, whatever. 

I was born out of wedlock like so many others. I was unplanned, and probably not wanted at first, though I cant say for sure. There is much to my history that is shrouded in secrecy and lies, but regardless, I was born. Adopted at 4 months old, by a Christian couple who could not have children of their own. They had almost adopted twice before, but it fell through. Then they came across me, and dived in headfirst. From the frying pan to the fire, it was, but I am getting ahead of myself, as I am prone to do. My birth mother kept taking me back, and Christmas was the last time. I would come back to the adopted parents reeking to high heavens of smoke, and I was very ill. But they wanted me anyways, had so much love to give. So the night they came to pick me up, their brand new car engine blew up. 6 months later, our house burnt to the ground. All my life that kinda harsh trauma and bizarre things followed me around, always seem to be boxed in by the darkness, no matter how much I reached for the light. 

In 2013 I had 2 back to back heart attacks, in my 20's. In 2014, I had some really bizarre x files meets twilight zone shit start happening to my body. Found out later had Lyme dis----ease forever. and noone caught it. Had some weird ass thing moving by itself around my neck like an electric eel ( yeah i can prove it. i have a video on here of it. funny.....out of all the vidoes i ever made, the ony that got 8K hits was the one where I was showing them, the '' monsters inside me ''.)

The running theory is that Im demon posessed said by thousands of people who never met me. Done being their sideshow circus freak. If God calls me home so be it, I did my time in this prison planet. Anyways, the doctors wouldnt help me, it was like they were being sneaky and I was never a paranoid person, I loved people and from my first memroy, only ever wanted to help and heal the humans on this planet. I really...Believed I could make a difference. That was MY dream. And it fell apart like the ashes in my hands. I also was an alcoholic, started drinking heavily when the doctors only wanted to give me pain meds, and not help a bit. Thats when I learned what big pharma really did t ome and so many others like me. I know what youre talking about alot in your songs dealing with alcoholism, tho we all handle it in our own ways. I also used to do drugs, came from a really effed up childhood, even with so called Christian parents.And yes I was with women in my lifetime, but I fall in love with souls not faces/gender. I dont bash anyone, and I hope noone bashes me but believe me I have had my share of being called names regarding that. Strange thing is, I really do love God. Incredibly much. 

Wanna know a secret? Alot of the people with the label Christian are some of the cruelest and meanest to ever walk the planet. And some are not. 

I feel so stupid for writing this to you. I just...Want you to know that you inspire me not to give up completely on my dream. You probably hear that a million times a week litearlly. But never let yourself get numb to the fact that behind the words people type to you blah blah blah on and on,  is a real person, who is living and breathing, that has a heart, and a soul, and a face, and mostly very broken hearts.

This life...Can either be a school, or a prison. I still havent been able to get most doctors to listen to me, and after 9 years of this, and 27 years of hell before that? Im not too hopeful that the BEAST system will ever acknowledge Morgellons as anythig other than a crazy persons dis ease. Or be willing to get this thing outta my neck. My doctor even felt it move for herself and all she had to say was ' ive never seen anything like that '. End of story. And frankly who needs them anyways? The lies of spies and all that. God bless you Tom, and Nova. Theres just something about you...Made me reach out. Maybe one day we will all live in a world where LOVE is the highest rule of the land, I hope I live to see it. 

You know what? I know I got about a 1% chance that you will actually see this message or want to watch this, but if you ever get bored for 5 minutes, and want to see what I am talking about this is it. It is seen in the first 5 mins. This was back in 2018, wow. Anyways. Thats it. Thanks for putting up with me, if you read this.  Have a wonderful life, both of you.




previous entry: Beginning of wonderous fairy tales of real life...

next entry: Advice Spiritual Warfare...

0 likes, 0 comments

[ | add comment ]

Add Comment

Add Comment

Please enter the following WHITE digits in the box below.

Confirmation Code

No comments.

Online Friends
Offline Friends