"My lust, like a raging river..." is from an old song I can vaguely remember by Toni Braxton (I believe.) These words are very fitting when it comes to Leah, who works for me. I hung out with her twice. I don't know if the problem is within me (that I haven't had a girlfriend for quite a while), or if she is getting hotter and hotter. I have the hots for her more and more.
As I may have written in the past, a relationship with her is a BAD idea. But I am becoming more and more attracted to her. I don't know if it's the summer months where she is wearing short shorts.
Also, she is beginning to dress similar to me that our shirt colors actually match the last two times I saw her.
Well, I hung out with her outside of work today and I felt "my lust like a raging river" as I am next to her. But I didn't act on it. It's a bad idea to start anything with her other than being friends in addition to the professional relationship we have.
A huge part of my attraction to her is lust (because she is so cute and hot), but another part of it is also that I have a love for her and have feelings for her which REALLY SCARES ME.
Again, I have this gift in seeing far ahead in whether some relationships may work or be doomed. In this case, it's SO CLEAR to me that a romantic relationship with her would be doomed. But I really have the hots for her whenever I see her.
God, help me. I know this can end badly. I remember the mess in 2000. This may be the same thing, but with worst repercussions, if I can't control myself.
Also, I've come across another woman recently, Megan. Cases where I find a very special woman (almost like love at first sight, although I don't believe in that) are usually not that frequent. Monica C. back in 2002. Another one two years ago. (As much as I lust after Leah and find her attractive, she is not the WOW example as Monica C. and the other one two years ago. Now, I've come across Megan and she is this WOW type of woman that captivates me that I'm like mesmerized by her. (Although at this point, I can't really determine much about Megan. But the sceptic in me (from so many past experiences) is thinking that Megan is probably not what Rebekkah is to Isaac (a lasting relationship). However, I don't know enough about her at this point. If the sceptic in me is right, then I want to ask:
WHAT'S GOING ON! Is it just a coincidence that I am coming across all this just before starting this pivotal month of August (which is probably a make it or break it point in my career, or the now-or-never point). Is it the devil trying to keep me from getting to where I need to be.
God please help me, but please also go easy on me.
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