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What Dreams May Come
by Utter Silence

previous entry: Can I kill...everything? Please?

next entry: I'm Melting....



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WhEn PuSh CoMeS tO sHoVe

GUESS WHAT! I am so happy. My ACT scores came online yesterday (just the Multiple-Choice) and I GOT A 30!!! It is just so great! And then my dress is done for prom, so I think I just have final fitting and then I get to take it home. *dances*

Work wasn't so great. I didn't have to deal with David, but Rusty kinda was mean yesterday. See Laura was supervisor and Alicia was working which is just awesome. And well, she wanted to put 3 people back on sandwiches. I kinda wanted to learn to make specialty so I could help out if someone needs it, ya know? Well it was Beth K. and Rusty (Beth is Laura's daughter) and I asked Beth to not kill me, jokingly and stuff. And Joyce F. (Rusty's mom) asked me what about Rusty. (Joyce F. is a supervisor too.) And I was like, no, he wouldn't kill me. And we told him this, and he was like 'I wouldn't be so sure about that." And I was like, "No, cause then you would have to close all by yourself on Saturday." And he was like, "Well, I'll be doing that by myself anyway."

And I don't know. It was a good day, but that has just kinda put yesterday and today off track. Derailed. It hurt. It was like, really? Am I that bad? I didn't think I was that bad or anything. Laura and Alicia finally asked me if something was wrong, because it really hurt. I started feeling sick, and so sad and depressed. And I told them what he said and when I went on break and grabbed some food Laura talked with Rusty. And he just sort of said - when I was washing my hands when I got back - that I shouldn't take him so seriously. Well... ya... I just don't know.

And then today has been sucky. Like, I am doing this SLC thing for FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America). And I decided to Desktop Publishing and you have to do it with a partner and I am doing it with this Sophomore, Mary. Originally it was going to be Dustin and I (another Sophomore) but he had too many tests/events and our teacher thought this would be easier since Mary and I are in the same class.

Well needless to say I am not too happy about this. I was telling my friends how I am not that happy about the whole thing, and Katie just brushed it off. I was saying, "I don't want to do it with Mary. She is an idiot." And Katie like flipped at me, it was not something big... but yeah. I know that is a little mean, calling Mary an idiot. But when we went through the step-by-step InDesign book, she would ask me the stupidest questions. And it is like, we just went through this, you should know! And Mary is really kinda quiet, and we aren't friends. And it is just, gah, I didn't want to do it with her.

But I don't see why Katie got all pissy at me about it. It is like, well she is an idiot! Or at least at those moments, and really who isn't sometimes. Is it too much to ask, to just let me vent! Really, I don't want to work with her, why does that tick you off so much? You don't seem to have any problem when Andy (This dude in my class) makes jokes and makes Mary cry. But if I call her an idiot then the world is just going to hell and I am such a horrible person.

I just feel like with every step I take towards them I get farther away - my friends that is. I did go to the girls sub-district (and almost hit a deer, stupid deer), and well that didn't go so well. We got there late, after getting late and almost hitting a deer. I drove some of the guys in my new car because I wanted to do something. And apparently I say the word 'dude' a lot, and ever since my teacher said something about saying the word 'freaking' or 'fricking' they yell at me whenever I say it. And it is just so, FRUSTRATING! What is so wrong with the word dude? What is so wrong with those words? I can see around my teacher and everything, but why do you guys care so much? I would rather say that then cuss around you! At least I have not said bastard and pissed around said teacher.

And they were all talking about going into Omaha and going to wrestling and everything and asking if someone wants to go or hang out tonight or this weekend. And it just like... why don't you ever ask me. What is so wrong with me?

They barely ask about my car. And like they think that I am a spoiled little bitch for getting a 2008 Grand Prix. I have to pay for it. It is MY debt. And I am doing good. I am not rambling on about it to them, because I know they think I am annoying. I know it. I see it in their eyes that they don't want to hear it - that they don't care. If they did, they would ask, and they don't. And maybe that is the problem is that they don't care.

The other day, Brittany, was saying how we are all so close. I don't know how she gets that. I am closer to people I work with that I have known a shorter amount of time than I am with them. Alicia, Rachel C., and Alicia's bf Chris (all of us work together) are most likely going to go to the Taylor swift concert in August, with me driving. Alicia and Rachel C. and Chris (Chris has grown on me, at first I thought he was weird but he is cool now.) those are people that I would want to stay good friends with when we all start going our separate ways.

It is just I don't feel like a jerk or a freak when I am around them. Like I can do my normal stuff and start acting weird like I normally do but it doesn't phase them. They will tell me I am weird and it doesn't feel like it is supposed to be mean, but more of a statement. You know it feels like they actually care. Maybe I am just crazy, but I hope not. Like I really trust Alicia. I feel like I can tell her anything and it will be all right.

I just! I just want to know why Alicia and Rachel C. are so different from my other friends! I can complain about David, or anything I want and I don't feel like I am being a bother. But there are times when I even mention something to my other friends and it feels like I am being a bitch or stupid or annoying. But I rambled on and on to them about my car and it wasn't weird, it didn't feel wrong or judgmental and I understand I was probably annoying but they let me go and didn't mind it. Why can't the rest of my friends be like that? Why?

When Alicia and I found out Taylor Swift was coming to Omaha in her own tour, we looked at each other and was like WE SHOULD GO! And Chris, of course, he would want to go with Alicia and the two of us (Chris and I) were talking and he was like, yeah, you should come to. And I told him! I TOLD HIM that I wasn't too sure, because I would hate to be like a 3rd Wheel, and he was like, nah, we would have a blast, and we can always invite someone else too. I never tell anyone ANYTHING like that, yet I told Chris like it was nothing. Why?

Man, I didn't mean for this to be that long. It is just going to be how I got a 30 on my ACT and I was so excited about it. That is the other thing, I feel like I am burden to my friends from school with that. I feel like I shouldn't get a 30 because they didn't. They congratulated me and everything and Natalie gave me a hug and everything. But I felt weird about it, like being so excited about it. Like it was wrong. Needless to say I try my best to not talk about me, or my car, or my grades, or my dogs, or my dreams. They don't like that.

But I am probably just overreacting because they are good friends. It is not like they play tricks on me or anything. They just have more important things. But I am so happy I got a 30! And I am so excited to be going to Taylor Swift.

- this layout was made by simple layouts.

previous entry: Can I kill...everything? Please?

next entry: I'm Melting....

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hi im amy
i was just wondering how u got your background
and text boxes and stuff
write back

[Amy1993.x|0 likes] [|reply]

Yay for the 30!!!

And as for your "friends" well... I don't think there's much to be said there. They're just not friend material, and you deserve better.

Yay for the concert with the nice work people. xD

And the reason you were able to tell Chris so easily is probably just because you feel more comfortable around him. You aren't afraid of him judging you like the girls from school would. You feel you can be more of yourself, which is a good thing! ^^

[~shinelikestars.|0 likes] [|reply]

I think what happened with Katie is that she doesn't like you being mean to Mary cause she is your friend. Andy on the other hand, is not Katie's friend so there is nothing she can do about his bad behavior. Hopefully that makes sense.

And why? Cause people are different. lol You can't expect everyone to act the same towards you.

Being yourself with people who have "known" you for a long time is harder than people who barely know you because the "old" people already have this expectation and prejudice about who you are while the new ones do not. That's why starting new in a place is so great. Every time is an opportunity to let the true you shine.


Btw... I owe you guys a big fat journal. Probably the fatest you've ever seen from me ever. lol I'll try to work on that tomorrow once I'm done with all the class stuff I have.

[Moonsie|0 likes] [|reply]

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