I'm in love. No, really.
He told me that he'd only recently recovered from bulimia that had caused him to be repeatedly hospitalised during his university years. "I know what it's like to hate your body." Both problems are dysmorphic in nature. We just have different treatments.
I have a psychiatric interview on March 4th. This will be followed by the therapists I've been seeing starting to write references/recommendations. Then, I will have another official interview. Then, a medical - and if everything is ok then, I should be starting hormone therapy around May. I'm fairly confident, with bouts of anxiety that I know are just a natural reaction to extreme change.
Richey hates me. He's ignoring me. He's heartbroken. I feel like hell whenever I think about what I've done to him. I'm constantly reminded that I never owed him anything - I was never his to have - I'm reminded how awful he was... how terrible he made me feel over and over... I can't be his crutch. What I feel worst about is losing someone who used to be my best friend. It's strange how things change.
I can't believe it hasn't even been a month. I need Chris. Always. Being apart from him feels so wrong. It's crazy. I can't even explain it. It's almost like animal instinct, like a drug. And I love it. And I'm scared... scared of losing him, losing this feeling of belonging, longing, desire, tenderness, affection... I feel complete.
And yes, there have been more orgasms. Yesterday, my knees were so jelly I couldn't walk in a straight line for an hour.