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This is My Journey To Find Happiness
by ♥Amanda

previous entry: 00018. Leason Learned

next entry: 00020. Prayer's Needed

00019. Taking on a new roll


Well Lately in my life anything that could go wrong... will go wrong.

So I have decided to start having faith & believing there is a God. I'm going to try and start going to church as we have a little church 2 blocks away from my apartment.

I don't want anyone to think I never believed in God. Because I did, But I also never really had a reason to. I mean really I didn't

My parents did drugs, My dad was an alcoholic, I have 2 sisters I hardly know and now a niece I have met 3 times =/. My dad beat the crap out of my mom. My entire childhood was a load of crap. I never was a child. Everything was my fault. And somehow till this day my dad blames stuff on me. Anyways you can see why I never had much faith.

I was never baptized. My mom wanted to me to choose for myself [you can see how that failed.. lol] Anyways. I still don't want to be. I just want to believe. Start waking up to count my blessings and praying.

Well anyways I decided this yesterday. I need to hand things over to God. I have always said God would never give you more then he thinks you can handle. And I still truly believe this. But I was getting to the point like... just give me a break... Well I talked to 2 people about this last night... well 3 including my mom. And I couldn't have felt better about making this choice.

Well I woke up this morning, nothing out of the ordinary. Called my case worker & her supervisor & both mail boxes were full. Finally got a hold of the supervisor and she had my case worker call me back. Naturally she has this attitude. Well is she deleted her message's I could of left a message.

Well around 11ish I believe a lil pop up cam up on my computer say I revived an e-mail from a friend. I'm not putting her name just in case she don't want it here.

So anyways when I saw the e-mail address in the pop up my stomach turned. She never e-mails me. She always IM's me. She has done this before so I knew she did something that would make me want to be mad at her but I can't because it was an act of kindness. Beyond kindness!!! Well I log into my e-mail and the subject is "You've Got Money" And I was thinking I am going to fly to where this girl lives and yell at her! Because I know about her financial and all so I know how every penny she has is needed.

Well She sent me a large amount of money. It got rid of my negative balance in my paypal account and left a nice amount to go food shopping. I am going to go shopping in the AM.


She is seriously the most amazing friend ever!!!! I balled my eyes out. I was like I'm very glad I didn't to my make up this morning because it would of been a waste of time. I don't even know how to say thank you to her. I am hoping with income tax I can pay her back even though I know its not a HUGE deal to her but it is to me!

=D She seriously made my day!!!!

On another note. My brother Nick wants to take Jaiden to get pictures with Santa. I personally think it's a waste of his money. But Nick is Jaiden's God father and I guess this is something he wants to do. If Jaiden freaks I hope he's ready to deal with it. I'm hoping I don't have to go. Only because I have a feeling he will FLIP. But I guess we will see...

And on another note. About 2 weeks ago my mom was having trouble sleeping so... she applied for credit cards. And she got 3. lol. She maxed one out last night while my step dad & brother Nick were at the Flyers game. She got Jaiden a bunch of stuff & my step dad a load of stuff.

Shockingly my step dad wasn't mad. I think he was glad because they really want Jaiden to have a great Christmas. My step dad went out and got a huge tree. The whole house is decorated with the blow up stuff on the lawn and everything. It's crazy. My step dad has a daughter who he adopted when she was 2 but his and his ex-wife divorced and she never came around. Which I can't believe. I can't imagine my life without him!!

They were gonna go shopping tomorrow but might not as we are due to have

8 inches of snow my Sat. Midnight

So I think thats about it!!!

Again I want to say Thank you to Jess & Megan for taking the time to talk with me about God and all. I hope we can continue to talk as I don't know much.

Aand of course to my special friend =D I am always here for you day or night & remember everything will work out for you as well don't let her get you mad. Remember she's just jealous she couldn't be happy at your age. {LOL this makes no sense to anyone probably because you aren't her, lol}

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!!!! I am sure I will be back to write about tomorrow =D


previous entry: 00018. Leason Learned

next entry: 00020. Prayer's Needed

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