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E. Quill's Diary
by E. Quill

I'm so tired.

07/07/2020

I don;t know if you know anyone who died of Covid. I did. I mean not well. But I worked with her for 3 years and she was a widow and she worked my shirt but she was a different department. She worked late niights stock at ross. Most stock people workedin the day time but she had a big family and they knew what a hard worker she was. She was only 42

I recognized her from the news article. F had asked "Are you *sure* thats how she died?" It was in both brands of news.  I felt sick. She was a widow and said goodbye to her kids on a walkee talkee.

She was one of the first 100 deaths in the country. Since then so very many have died.

My husband goes back to work tomorrow and I can't breathe since I found out. I wake up screaming. Screaming. I am up here at 1:30 even though I havee to be with my son early because Im afraid of fucking up my husbands sleep tihy my hyperventilating and walking to the bathrooom where I pant til I vomit. I just feel like I havent been able to stop hyperventilating for like 5 days.  I thought I was sick thats how imediately it fucked over my health. I love my husband so much and I am so fucking afraid of him going out there. I want everyone to be safe. I'm exausted with my fright. I feel like I could just drop dead of a heart attack like my body has been operating on overdrive since I found out. I feel like my body can't survive being this tense for this long. I wish I could afford to get some mentel health help right now because I super need somethign for anxiety. I feel so tense. 

Maybe I wouldnt feel this way if I hadnt known someone who died. I just can't fucking handle anything and so I've just been sitting quietly all day. I'm so stressed.

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So sorry to hear about this. My God Father died from it about 2 months ago. It took about 3 weeks for the shock to go away. And even now, I still can't believe it. x [The RyanStar] [reply]