DeVisualise Add Fave Search
Not Logged In
Your Username:
Your Password:

[ sign up | recover ]

True's Diary
by True

previous entry: My Song: Please Click & Judge Honestly

next entry: Two Grown @$$ Men

My Home Is Falling Apart


 I own my own home. I did not want to own my home but I reluctantly allowed my boyfriend to talk me into buying it three years ago. He pays half of everything. I cook, I clean, he fixes things when they break. He doesn't clean up after himself. This was acceptable, or at least doable until I caught my concussion in February of last year, from a seemingly not so severe car accident. My brain blew up and then it shut down in May, a few months post car accident. 

Since then, we took in a roommate, my boyfriend's fri nd of 8 years or so. He pays half of the mortgage for a much large space in our basement. We live upstairs. We share all common areas, and we both have a dog. 

When he moved in, I knew he smoked dab & weed. It didn't bother me. My concussion is not healing though and because of my post concussive symptoms, I have mad to greatly modify my lifestyle and surroundings;. Lights, smells, movement, color, etc. I am also fortunate enough to work at home. This has helped me to heal more rapidly VS if I were to have to be in the office. Lucky me, I guess. 

Roommate has lived under our roof for at least 6 months now. The following events have occurred while he has been a tenant:

1. I asked him to smoke his bud outside. He said he didn't want to because it's cold and risky. We live in UT. He could get a license to smoke but has chosen not to. I have suggested he do this. He has refused. 

2. Roommates dog brutally attacked my dog. He still owes 200$ in medical costs for this. Though this was an isolated incident, I keep a very close eye on the two of them when they are together now. I think, initially, play turned into rough play and because they were outside unattended, things got out of hand. 

3. I told roommate that his area downstairs is his and his dog is free to roam there. His dog is not free to roam upstairs unattended. That space belongs to my dog. This is her house, not his, not his dog's house. He reluctantly agreed. 

4. Roommates dog destroyed my vacuum cord. He promised to fix it. He never did. I finally said something about it and he said he would "fix it". I politely declined and told him I would prefer he replaced the cord all together. He didn't want to. He still hasn't replaced it. After waiting for almost 4 months, I told him Im done waiting. I am taking the cost to have it replaced, out of his deposit. He didn't say a word. 

I started to become more symptomatic after a bad neurologist made a mistake. I expressed that the smell of the dab and pot in the house makes my symptoms worse. Roommate ignored me when I mentioned smoking outside, again, but bought various alternatives to combat the smell. He also bought a fan for his window. 

6+ months of this guy living in my basement and a water pipe burst in his room. I was denied access because it was his bed time and he had to wrong the next day. He threw a toddler style fit to let me know he wasn't happy that I expected to see the water damage as soon as it was brought to my attention, around 10 pm. He cried to my boyfriend and yelled at me. Somehow, I was the asshole in the situation. 

Three weeks after the pipe mess was resolved, I noticed the house smelling like dab and weed again first thing in the morning after roommate left for work. 

I messaged him to tell him this. I told him if he is going to continue to insist on smoking in my house, do find a way so I don't smell it, and so the smoke alarm doesn't continue to go off each time he forgets to blow it out the window.  He apologized, stating he ran out of spray and didn't have the money to get more...

Mind you, this guy has a job when he moved in. 

Got fired for being aggressive with staff, and then he lived off of his 401k until it was gone. He barely made rent the last two months. Then he even went behind my back and gave a sob story to my boyfriend about why rent was going to be late. Leaving me out of it completely. 

Mortgage due on the 15th. His rent is due no later than the 14th. All of it. Not part of it, ALL of it. This was the deal when he moved in. My boyfriend is going back on what he agreed to when I agreed to let his friend move in. Mind you, I'm the only one on the mortgage. 

My boyfriend is a softy, but also a total child when it comes to handling real things. I should also mention, we are all in the mid to late 30's range. We agreed that he would handle anything and everything to do with his friend living here if anything comes up needing to be discussed or handled. That is not happening anymore. 

We had two other roommates prior to this dude moving in, and heach was a nightmare. The recent roommate is ok but he is a total slob, only cleans up after himself and his dog when asked or told to do it. I have to ask him to take out the garbage, to vacuum his area, to clean up after his dog, etc. It took him 3 months of living here before he ever went outside to clean up his dog's poo! I personally haven't been able to clean up after my own dog, but had tried so many times to get everyone in the house to pitch in on a dog poo cleaning service because I was post concussion healing and really struggling with just the basics.  I bought three 30$ pooper scoopers to get the job done by all living in the house. I was the only one who at least TRIED to clean up. I finally put the scoopers on the porch and told roommate to get it done. He kind of snapped back and said he would do some of it but not all. It took everything in me to bite my tongue... Like, dude, you sit around blowing your money on coke and beer and vacations. You don't clean the house or even your room. Your dog has had her heat and you still haven't bathed her. Fucking kidding me??? I broke down finally and he overheard me crying, literally crying to my mom about how my house is falling apart now that I have my brain injury and cannot keep up with the chores and that nobody is helping me, or even respecting me or my needs. 

I am officially done doing things this way!

I hired help (last night) to get my house clean every week while I am still in severe post concussiom status. Just the basics; kitchen, bathroom, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, putting things away, throwing away mountains of my boyfriend's beer cans and boxes, etc., and washing dishes. 

My boyfriend doesn't know that I have made these plans official yet. Actually, he is on a working vacation out of town, and we are not currently speaking because he is mad I nicely asked him to pick up after himself before leaving for his working vacation. I told him I cannot keep cleaning up after him right now. I explained that it is no wonder my brain isn't healing..

in order to heal said brain injury, I am 100%  required to relax to heal and I haven't so I'm not healing. He tried to argue and I responded by quickly snapping back that I'm stressed only because he refuses to help me by cleaning up after himself. That we only wrlcer argue over THAT. I told him I was leaving, to plz lmk when he is done cleaning up and I will come home. I left, went shopping for the house like I always do, made it home three hours later, found his car gone, hisesses partially cleaned up, and he refused to answer when I called him the first time so... I have not bothered him at all since my call attempt Sunday. 

I am feeling suicidal tonight. I cut when I'm stressed. It has calmed down a lot since I caught my TBI because of the severe impact his has on my symptoms flaring up. I keep wondering WHY I AM STILL HERE. 

I am in Hell. I have had a continuous migraine since February of 2022, after a stupid nurse gave me 8 too many Botox/lidocaine combo injections into my head and neck when they knew I was only to have maybe 2 or three... And all I'm trying to do is navigate the chaotic and unfamiliar waves of my new life, living with this injury. I just want to heal. I cannot heal if I have to keep doing everything for everyone, reminding grown men to flush the brown remnants of the shit they've released from their bowels, or to throw away their fucking garbage instead of leaving it on the counter, two feet away from the can. To clean up after themselves, roommate and his dog. No, instead, he mows the lawn, with picks up some of the dog shit, but smashes the rest into the grass! I keep this bottled. I get yelled at for having an opinion. I cook dinner, I also clean up after myself. I also put it away. I shop, I carry the groceries in and put them away by myself. Do I get a thank you? No, I get ball busted by two dudes who live in my fucking house, who I owe NOTHING TO... but cannot seem to get through to. The roommate is one thing, but my own boyfriend? Guess who is paying for the house keeper!? Not me! 

Guess who is being told they're not allowed to smoke in my house anymore starting tomorrow? My fucking roommate, that's who!!! I am going to tell him if he does it anymore, I am going to charge him 100$ every time. If he wants to lose his deposit, fine. He has 300$ of it left to blow. 3 x, and he signs his own 30 day notice. 

No, we never signed a lease. Yes, stupid me. I know. I live, I learn. I tried to write it out, my brain couldn't process it. It caused more stress than what it seemed to have been worth at the time. I understand the errors of my ways... And I am the reason I'm being taken advantage of. I get that. I need to grow a pair and stand up for myself and for my house... And I need to heal, with, or without my boyfriend. 


previous entry: My Song: Please Click & Judge Honestly

next entry: Two Grown @$$ Men

1 like, 3 comments

[ | add comment ]

Add Comment

Add Comment

Please enter the following WHITE digits in the box below.

Confirmation Code

Whew. Girl.

Fuuuuck those lazy children.
I agree with your last paragraph.
Kick that fucker out he is not going to change.
Your boyfriend is pulling you down as well. Yall need a serious talk. If he doesn't repect you even though he's living in YOUR house with YOUR name on all the bills he is a loser.
You deserve better. Stay strong. And let me know how it goes. <3

[CatarinaNotte|1 like] [|reply]

Thank you for taking the time to read my entry. It was hard to write. I needed to vent about it though. I confronted my roommate this morning. He walked away and I heard him yelling about "EGGSHELLS", from his area of the house. I texted him that he isn't walking on eggshells. I'm half tempted to copy and paste the Convo here, tbh but who wants to read that?
Anyway, he was mad, I called him out for claiming eggshells... I pointed out the many times I had asked him to smoke outside from day one. I pointed out that I compromised and literally tried everything he suggested, from sprays of sorts, to incense, to candles, to smoker buddy options, to him blowing into a dryer sheet covered tube, to smoking with the window wide open, to putting a fan in said wide open window...
I reminded him that i told him no one has been allowed to smoke in the house unless it's during a party/ once in a while kind of event.
I reminded him of every time I hinted that his dabbing inside was negatively affecting me. That I even tried to be understanding about the winter months being too cold to smoke outside and that I was more than accommodating about it, but stated that when the weather changed and became warmer, I would really like him to smoke outside instead. He ignored my texts. I pointed out that I needed to heal from my brain injury soon before it's too late. He ignored me. I stated that I can only do so much but that I've literally asked nicely in every way I can and how not he and my boyfriend seem not to care that they are causing me pain by choosing to be self centered; my boyfriend when it comes to cleaning/not cleaning up after himself, and roommate by not cleaning up after himself, or his dog, never cleaning his bedroom, letting piles of smelly trash and food and dishes pile up for MONTHS, and only cleaning up after I told him he had to because I am having the house appraised... He gave me a weird attitude about it, and then it got even worse after the pipe in his room burst because my request for him to clean the ever loving fuck out of his area/room suddenly became a priority and more of a rush order request than one he was able to put off for three more weeks.
He did clean up but it upsets me that I had to ask him repeatedly to do it... And then basically remind him that hey, you love in my house, which is not a separate unit but a bedroom in my basement... You create a mess, it is going to create bad smells... And it's going to make.the house smell. Ugh, my best friend stated to me that when she was here a few weeks ago, before the pipe broke, she could smell raunchy gross funky smells coming from my basement/roommates area. I was embarrassed! I fucking hate smelly smells in my house! Am I a prude? I had one rule: I don't care if it's messy, as long as it doesn't smell bad. If it smells bad, plz clean it up. Instead, my boyfriend refused and fought with me for the last year since my car accident caused my injury causing me to no longer have the same abilities to clean up after us/me and him and everyone else, and instead of being able to go home and rest my brain per Dr orders, I have cooked, cleaned, and catered to two men and two puppies for the last year and 4 months.
I finally snapped... Am I the bad guy?
The sad part about today's confrontation was when I was texting, trying to say, "hey, I'm not trying to be mean I need this to heal my brain. I'm sad because I feel I don't matter to you or my boyfriend based on your actions and his".
I pointed out that just talking about it was causing me to have a panic attack. Then I pointed out that I was literally chewing on chewable aspirin bkuz I needed to trick my broken brain into knowing i was not going to have a heart attack and die, even though my heart beat was erratic from this stressful confrontation. I called my mom, who walked me through some breathing exercises to help calm me down.
Roommate finally responded by saying he does care. He will smoke outside from now on. But that there are things bothering him that he feels he's having to deal with hence why he feels he's having to walk on eggshells. I the proceeded to probe for more info so I can understand how he is being affected by my actions, and begged him to tell me what is up. I told him we haven't lived together before and that it's trial and error and that is okay. As long as we can talk ad are all willing to resolve it all as it comes. He retracted his comment saying. Nevermind. It wasn't a big deal. He took it back. He felt bad for mentioning it's my brain went into over drive, hyper drive even and I started asking him if any of my flaws, house habits had upset him. I told him no after the issue, I'm willing to listen and learn from my mistakes but that my only way of being able to fix anything was knowing what the issue was to begin with. I told him I can't read his mind and that he can talk to me if he wants to, when he is ready... And then I told him I cared about security and safety for everyone to be happy here. He never responded.
Ty for your supportive comment I will let you know how it goes y bf is out of town until Sunday. Idk what his intentions are, tbh. I've realized he s abit narc/toxic by nature. He is around 13- emotionally and it has really been difficult to get him to understand how he has created some bad situations for us/me/himself.
The fact that we really only argue about the chores and me hiring housekeeping help... Not sure how that's going to unfold. The fact that he left Sunday, didn't tell me he was leaving, no idea where he stayed, and no word since and it's fucking WEDNESDAY... I know he had to work a show from Monday to this Sunday. Where was he Sunday night??? Do I have a right to know? Should I ask? Should I call j, or would I just give him my power doing so? Should I wait til he reaches out to me? If he doesn't, but comes home Sunday/Monday and acts like all os normal, do I let it all go? Do I help apy for the housekeeper? How can I help roommate feel comfortable smoking outside now?


[True|0 likes] [|reply]

Get rid of both man children and work on healing yourself. Eff that noise!

[Zombie Greta GarbageStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Online Friends
Offline Friends