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I'mStillTatartot's Diary
by I'mStillTatartot

next entry: Can anyone tell me about blank coins?

I'm still Alive!


Hello, BloopWorld.

SOO much has changed in the last, what has it been, 3 years since I've been on here last? Hmmm... Boy, time sure does fly! Alittle background about me to get you guys up to date, and so you don't get too lost as I go about my entry.

On January 19th, 2013, I reconnected with a long lost friend of mine, Justin, and that has since blossomed into a loving, lasting relationship. Eleven wonderful months later, we welcomed into the world on November 18th our beautiful little girl Lily Noelle. On February 27th, 2015 (which just so happened to be my 21st birthday!) he asked me to marry him, to which I, (of course!), said yes!

The issue at hand right now is family. His dad, Lily's grandpa, is in jail right now for reasons I will not disclose. He has been in there since Christmas of 2013, and because he keeps getting the shit end of the governmental stick, he is, as of right now, not seeing any daylight until January of 2017. We have regular contact with him, whether it be through phone calls or visits, but it's obvious that he isn't a part of Lily's life right now like I want him to be. When he is scheduled to get out, he will have missed the better part of watching Lily grow up. We do take her along on the visits as much as we can, but seeing as how it is a 3 hour drive (3 hours each way) to go see him, anyone with a child knows that it is just not possible to take a baby peacefully on a car ride for that long. So what is bothering me? I want him to be out and free so he can be a part of Lily's life. What constantly worries me and runs through the back of my mind is the initial reunion when he is finally out and actually gets to meet his granddaughter officially for the first time. How will she react? How will he react? What will she say to him? What breaks my heart, and what I am constantly afraid of is her meeting him for the first time, turning around to me and going "Mommy, who's that man?" How do I handle a situation like that? CAN I handle a situation like that? IT SCARES ME. And it scares me to think how that will break his heart. However, some part of me is hoping that will happen, because maybe it will make him realize that he needs to stop making these stupid mistakes that lands him in there. Maybe it will make him realize that this is not only hurting himself, but visibly taking a toll on everybody else and his relationships with us. Like I said, I want him to be a part of her life. Why? because I don't want her growing up in the same situation I did. I undoubtedly had a better relationship with my Mom's side of the family. They were the ones that were a regular part of my life. Here I am, 21 years old, and I still feel awkward when I am around my Dad's side of the family, because I never got the time to spend with them. Is that anyone's fault? No. They live 3 hours away, and my Mom's side of the family is right here with me, so it was just the most convenient option. Atleast in Lily's case, she has both sides of the family right here. There should be no reason that she doesn't get equal time and love from both sides of our family. I want that for her, because I didn't get the experience. You are supposed to want for your child the things you never got, am I right? So what are your thoughts?

next entry: Can anyone tell me about blank coins?

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A friend of mine lost her husband years ago to pancreatic cancer before their twins were born. There is a picture of him in the hallway and they talk about him often.They visit his grave. Even though they will never see him they know *of* him.

All you can do I think is talk about him to Miss Lilly, the good times that he and your honey shared....

[Ethan JamesStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Welcome back to Bloop!

When he does meet her in person there may be some of that. It will just be a process of her getting to know him. Hopefully it shows him that there are things in life worth keeping yourself out of trouble for. Good luck!

[Belle Ivy RoseStar|0 likes] [|reply]

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