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^_^ =/ O_o's Diary
by ^_^ =/ O_o

previous entry: i feel you going and there is heavy nothing to replace you

Don't Leave Me


I had strange dreams last night.
I had a small Christmas tree and it was still decorated from the year before but I couldn't get it to stand up and it was starting to break. I felt unhappy, afraid, desperate. I was with Bryan and he was leaving to go see his mother but he had not told me he was going and mind you, she lives in California. I was all like "You can't go to California on me like that with 2 seconds notice." He had also said something weird about going to visit his mother when I next cooked chicken. His face was turned away from me but he was wearing his grey trench coat, and I could see the back of his long, red hair and hear his voice, distinctly. We were arguing. He mentioned somewhere I had left to during our separation. It might have been the future on another plane or dimension. A crack I fell through in space time. I said it didn't count because we were separated. I remember telling him that once when he said I cheated on him. I said it's not cheating because we're separated. It was cruel of me to even tell him of it at all.

Back to the dreams. Cut. I'm standing on King Street outside of The Wilson Hotel and looking up at the window to Dave's old room. (It's been just over 2 years now since Dave died). But I couldn't remember where he had gone. I was standing there thinking that he'd moved (which he had several times between having that room and his death) but I was staring up, wistfully. A light was on, all fluorescent the room shown and it was much neater than when he was there and the furniture was all different too. There was a highly shelf and a small TV set perched on the top of it.

But Dave WAS there! He was sitting on the bed and looking happy. He looked happy to see me too and he looked well. He came down and we walked off somewhere together as we would have in the old days. I think we went somewhere with friends but I can't remember who all was there.
I think maybe Bill, maybe Russell or both.

I wish Russell had been a saner person and could have remained in our circle of friends. I wish he and Bill were hanging out now, having a lunch on Church Street at Boloco together and talking of history. That would be nice for them but too bad Russ turned out to be a real asshole. I guess he thinks of it as self-preservation but I think it harms him more than anything else in his life.

Cut. Dream. Men's bathroom. I'm in there and something about Bryan and his plane going off. There is a 45ish woman very obese, black, possibly of Caribbean descent on a toilet, her skirt is up and the stall door is open. She looks like a lunatic.

Dry river bed filling up quickly as I walk down through it, a man is bitching that it was his and shouldn't be doing this or something. There is a footbridge but it is about to be drowned out.


Post note : Sequence may be out of order.

previous entry: i feel you going and there is heavy nothing to replace you

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