I'm just bored. Maybe I can come up with some peice of genious-ness and it wil be elected Nobel Prize winner or something. Nah. Because a peice of writing can't win Nobel Prize with the word "genious-ness" in it, right? Ha.
So I re-did my diary. I do that. I think I used to re-do it about once a week back when I had hundreds of entries. I get bored easily and it gives me something to do.
I've been thinking about death a lot lately. My friend Hannah's grandfather died on Sunday and she is tore up about it, understandably. Me and Daniel started talking about funerals. About how funerals are for us and not the dead. They make US feel better, helping family members mourn. The dead don't care if we gather around and tell stories about how great of a person they are.
Then we started talking about an afterlife. Daniel is scared of death, and believes when we die, thats it. I'm the latter, I'm not afraid of death and I beleive there may be an afterlife. I think we should all beleive in something to give us hope. Life is not easy, we all know that. It is full of lessons and trials, happy times and joys. We are being tested. What would be the point of living and dealing with all the bullshit we go through to not have a reward? I would feel cheated if we just DIED. There has to be a point to all of this. Someone is up there or down there or to the left or right or whatever wanting us to see something bigger. Or just playing a big joke on us.
Seriously I am 25 years old and have been throught some BULL. SHIT. And I'm okay. I'm not fucked up, I don't dwell on anything. I honestly just don't care sometimes. But I have learned from it all. But don't you ever wonder, "How much more can I take? What else am I going to experience?" Why does the bad seem more memorable than the good, why does it make more of an impact on us? When is something good going to happen to me that just changes my life? Something small that would change who I am and how I react for the rest of time? Or why do these questions even matter to me? Will they matter to anyone else? Maybe.
Anyways, my idiot neighbors are outside playing frisbee and as athletic as they look, they aren't. They have hit my screen door twice and my neighbors window twice as well. Someone bail me out of jail when my pregnant ass beats their face in.
Oh, speaking of pregnant! I have weird ass dreams! I had a dream I was a lesbian (I love the cock, trust me) and last night I had a dream my boyfriend told me he wanted to have a threesome with my mother. Oh. Dear. God. KILL ME NOW. Then I had a dream I was going into labor. I'm 27 weeks tomorrow, that equals almost seven months. It doesn't help that when I went to sleep I felt like the baby was crushing my esophogus and sretching my skin as far as he could, plus the heartburn that made me just want to barf! I thought I was dying lol. And it was one of those dreams that kept waking me up and I thought it was real. I almost rolled over to tell Daniel it was time to go to the hospital because we were going to have the baby. Then I would get smart and realize I'm dreaming. Oh and I'm just super horny. Sex sex sex. I think I may die if I go a day without it. It's sad when your 21 year old boyfrind can't even keep up. And I don't want just normal sex. I was scary rough kinky sex. TMI I know. It's all I think about! I'm like a young boy going through puberty. I swear, if I even SEE a penis I may orgasm! Rofl! I'm bad. I hope I won't be this horny in the six week postpartum period.
Anyways, I must shower. And pee. Every time Tyler wiggles aroung in there I have to pee. And thats a lot. Peace out.
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