Spring and trash television slowly melted the sickness I was sinking in. Now the world has gone lukewarm and humid, this town is post apocalyptic in rust tones against grey-purple skies complete with mad max bikers in 80's hair. The sign outside a popular biker bar down the street from our house says that every Thursday is "Big ass steak night". Not sure I would want an ass steak, would you?
E's mother does not have much time left, she has lung cancer that has spread to her brain and is in the hospital, slipping away a bit each day. She was a strong, strong woman, a foul-mouthed entrepreneur with a quick wit who managed a fleet of truckers for years. It is sad to see her fading.
E is staying with her mother each night but pushing her own illness in doing so. Lymph nodes in her body swell to the size of golf balls, her feet balloon against shoes and her ever-present fever boils bedsheets and flash dries her hair.
E gets up to go to the hospital when I go to bed, we have seen little of each other in recent days. I enjoy myself more when E is gone than when we are together. I thought this feeling was the novelty of her being gone when usually she is around, but after these months of time apart I realize that it has not worn off.
Nothing has slowed down enough to work on those issues though. Most would not make it long with the way things are going between E and I, but those details are a long story. I crawl back into the universe of imagination, watching out the windows for a change in this little world that I stop in for food.
Beyond that things are well. The director of a short indie festival film I was in is re-working some of the footage into a 5-minute silent film for a festival in June and i need to write an artistic bio this week for the press kit for it. I have composed a ton of score music preparing for Adam's upcoming film, but they are still in preproduction so that all could be a while. I spoke with a young performer last weekend, learned some new sleight-of-hand tricks and may have a gig working with a circus in Arizona on their musical arrangement. The warm weather wakes up my eyes in the fashion of an over-chipper relative, I am going to try some visual artwork in the next few weeks.
Toxic spiders dance in the foundation of our house with four left feet. Mysterious coyotes fight in the streets. Sex drifts into bedrooms and out of windows. White petals chill in floral martini air. I find myself consumed with passion but squeezing it out through narrow tubes of time like toothpaste. But more messy. Things will change again soon. Until then, until then indulge in every pleasure you can, and never play cards with someone named after a city. Love and peace.
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