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Caffeine Addicted Nerd
by nerdy_bree

previous entry: A lot of Firsts Again

next entry: Seriously Need a Break

It doesn’t get easier

02/20/2023

The reminders just come more infrequently as time goes on. 
 

I’m laying in bed and realizing I absolutely do not want to do anything for my birthday. How can I, when a year ago part of my world was taken and my heart broken with the loss of Papa? I know this thought process would disappoint him. He wouldn’t want anyone to wallow in sorrow at his memory, but rejoice in having known him. It’s so fucking hard though. I just want him back.

 

His house has sold and as far as I know there isn't even a fucking headstone to visit because god forbid this fucking emotionally stunted "family" I'm left with actually FUCKING COMMUNICATE!!! 
 

Why do I have to pick up his mantle to keep this family together?! And I fucking can't because it mentally breaks me having to deal with them. How could the two people who sacrificed their lives to co-parent with my mother because Albie couldnt (wouldn't), raise TWO self centered pricks?!

The worst part? I never got to say goodbye and I always made excuses to push off going out to Papa's place but always had time for Hubby's family. 
 

Why? And there's no one to blame but myself. 

previous entry: A lot of Firsts Again

next entry: Seriously Need a Break

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