Being left-handed has its downsides. Sure, we are historically part of a rather creative/intelligent subset of society and can count among our numbers Leonardo Da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Napoleon, Julius Caesar, Aristotle, Neil Armstrong, Henry Ford, Winston Churchill, Barack Obama, David Bowie, Kurt Cobain, Eminem, Hendrix, Paul McCartney, Sting, Lewis Carroll.... but we also have to put up with life in a right-handed world. We are the victims of one of the last acceptable prejudices!!
All this has come to mind because someone wrote on a blog that I follow that they would like a left-handed Filofax. Now for those who aren't British/geeky, a Filofax is an organiser/diary that is a ring binder, usually made of leather, and you buy your own inserts for it. They are, basically, the highlight of the world of organisers. CHECK OUT THEIR AWESOMENESS.
I immediately leapt to my left-handed companion's defence and said "I WANT ONE TOO." (That's another good thing about being left-handed: you automatically get admittance into an elite group of awesome people, and you can immediately bond with strangers over the fact that you too are left-handed.) Unfortunately, a right-handed person questioned my response and said "Tell me how a left-handed Filofax would be different". "Ho ho ho", I thought to myself, because I'm secretly Father Christmas, "Time to unleash guilt on to the world of right-handed people." I wrote a list of everything I could think of off the top of my head that is difficult/different if you're left handed. It reads as follows:
- Can't use can openers (can buy a left-handed one for more money though)
- Can't use veg peelers (can buy a left-handed one for more money though)
- Can't use cork screws! (can buy a left-handed one for more money though)
- Can't use scissors properly (can buy a left-handed pair for more money though)
- Rulers and tape measures run the wrong way (can buy left-handed ones for more money though)
- Pencil sharpeners turn the wrong way! (can buy a left-handed one for more money though)
(Traditionally I should now mention ink smudging, but I still learnt to write properly despite being left-handed so I don't smudge my ink )
- Have to buy a special guitar! (I don't, I'm shite at guitar anyway!)
- Pretty much can't use power tools at all unless I want to accidentally maim/kill myself
- Have to learn sports backwards to your right-handed teacher
- Have to learn to knit/sew/write/paint/do woodwork/etc backwards to your right-handed teacher
- Number section of keyboard is on the wrong side
(- Lots of people struggle with computers being laid out wrong, but I actually don't mind using a mouse with my right hand)
- Key turning in locks is difficult
- Have to use handbags backwards, because most designs only have the pattern on one side and the zip is the wrong way round for left-handed people (people never believe me on this one, but find a left-handed friend and ask them to show you!)
- Collecting change from a cashier is awkward, because people instinctively go for the right hand
- Belt designs are often upside down
And finally, something that particularly irked me at school: When you fan your cards out while playing cards, you can't see the numbers or suits if you're left-handed! You have to fan them "backwards" (i.e. right-handed) to see them, and that doesn't feel right!
So I wrote this list, and then realised that Filofax at least are left-hand friendly. The main issue with notebooks is that the binding is too tight and left-handed people struggle to right on the right-hand side because your hand knocks against the spine (this is true for right-handers writing on the left page, but traditionally society writes on the right-hand side). If you have that issue with a Filofax you can re-organise it.
All you right-handed people are now thinking either "What a pointless entry" or "OMG I SEE THE WORLD IN A WHOLE NEW LIGHT". All you left-handed people are nodding!
Left-handed people of the world, unite!
Incidentally, tomorrow is left-handers day, when we get to celebrate how awesome we are. See, life isn't all bad. Good luck having a right-hander day, losers!