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I belong to my beloved Master's Diary
by I belong to my beloved Master

previous entry: Journal 27

Journal 28


Goal 1 The whole overbearing thing. learning to love myself is a huge part of that. i need to learn to love myself. taking time to do things for me that make me happy that i enjoy not thinking about what others want or need from me all the time will help. Yes what others think and want matters but not to the extent that i stop caring about myself.
Goal 2 being able to love totally without condition is a good and bad thing. it can be good because that means I love no matter what they do good or bad. But it can be bad because i love even when they abuse me. i need to learn the difference between loving someone when they deserve to be loved and when they don't. i am very headstrong and don't always learn well and not sure how to learn this.
Goal 3 Frustration. UGGH That is a tough one for me. i think i've gotten somewhat better on this but i still get frustrated with things very easily. i am learning to take a breath and sit back and not let things get to me so easily. i'm not great at it but i think i have gotten better. meditation helps with this a lot.
Goal 4 Being pushy. again i have gotten better with this one but i am starting to learn not to push people when i want something but to sit back and wait and be patient. no i'm by no means perfect and i do get pushy still but i'm getting better. i need to continue to focus on this goal and learning to be less pushy
Goal 5 The taking care of my house. i have definitely gotten better on this goal. i keep the house clean and neat. yes there is clutter but there is not garbage and the litter box is cleaned out every few days
Goal 6 Getting to a place where I am happy. Physically i am still not happy where i am. i don't see any way to fix that at this time. i'm trying to work on that but for the foreseeable future it won't change. emotionally and mentally things are much better. ever since the signing of the contract i have found that my overall outlook on everything is just better in general. You and i are not fighting nearly like we once were and i only hope that things that will get better and better
Goal 6 Being a good singer. *Sighs* i am not nearly as good a singer as i once was. but i am still not a bad singer. i am very proud of what i can do and the happiness it brings to other people. i enjoy singing and enjoy making others happy so to do both at the same time is great
Goal 7 Being good with animals. i have always had a special bond with animals. every animal i've ever owned has been very special to me and i don't give up on any animal without a fight. i would love to do something like working for the humane society where i can work directly with animals
Goal 8 Being trustworthy. The fact that my friends come to me with their problems or concerns and trust me to listen and know that what they say is going to go no further than them and i is very important to me. it makes me very proud to know that i am the kind of person that people can come to and talk to and don't hesitate to tell things to that they would not tell anyone else
Goal 9 i am a very giving person. can this be a bad thing? yes if taken to far. and i have taken it to far before. i would literally do anything to make people love me and that is something i need to learn to watch and teach myself how to know when helping someone is ok and when they are taking advantage of my kindness
Goal 10 I don't give up. Ever. This can be both good and bad. It has kept me with you for 7 years. it proves something to me. if i had given up i would be missing out on something very special. but at the same time there are times when i keep going even when it IS hopeless and beyond repair or someone stops talking to me altogether and its very hard for me to give up trying. so it can be very difficult when to know when to give up and when to let go
Goal 11 Being loyal. Again a double edged sword. Being loyal to friends who are loyal to you is good. but loyalty to those who use you and abuse you and treat you like shit. Not good. And I do both. i need to learn the difference and to stop allowing those that hurt and abuse and use and treat me like shit to do so and only allow those who are loyal to me in
Goal 12 i am a good dj. over the last 8 years i have gotten to a point where i have become a good dj. i know what people like and cater to it. i enjoy what i do and that shows through in my sets. people have sought me out to work in their clubs so i know i am a good dj. but i am not by any means the best dj and can always improve and learn more.
Goal 13 I don't take care of myself like i should. i don't eat like i should i just don't do anything to take care of myself like i should. i don't sleep right eat right nothing. i need to start caring for me. meditation whatever it takes to take care of me but something needs to change because eventually it is going to take a toll on me and affect my health. it already kind of has i am in pain all the time and i know that is at least partially because i don't take care of myself right
Goal 14 Not doing enough to better myself. hopefully with this project it will help me to better myself some. i'd like to go back to school but until i get my financial aid taken care of i can't and i can't afford to do that. so school is out i don't know what else i can do to better myself
Goal 15 Not eating healthy food like i should. i don't eat at ALL like i should let alone eating healthy. i try but eating healthy is so expensive i don't feel like i can afford to do it. but i will start trying to eat healthy because i know that is part of why i am gaining weight again
Goal 16 I don't excercise enough. That is something i definitely don't do and until it starts getting nice out i really can't. and even once it does i don't know how much i can excercise. i hurt so much that it is hard for me to do anything i don't know what to do to make it easier. i would love to start swimming that would be awesome that would really be the only thing that i can do without pain
Goal 17 i need to lose weight. This is dependant on 2 things. 1 eating healthy 2 excercise. i feel so hopeless sometimes.i need to find a way to eat healthy cheaply and get to a pool to exercise
Goal 18 Thinking before i speak(attitude) i think i have gotten better with this. i'm not nor will i ever be perfect. but i have begun to think about how i would feel if someone spoke to me the way i speak sometimes and i know i would not like it. that makes me restrain myself a bit better now. i know i have a long way to go but i have made progress and will continue to do so

previous entry: Journal 27


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