I'm falling back into a depressed sort of state. Which seems very strange seeing how I have more people on my side now than I did before. I guess maybe I'm just needing to read that book again. I was so very positive and so very excited to see what's to come. As of the last few days, I've lost it all.
I'm still trying to write, but it's getting harder as there isn't much to say. I've been cooped up at home for the past 2 days due to all my plans falling through. I'm irritated with my family's lack of ambition to do anything to better themselves. I hear it all, I see it all, I just don't want to have to live through it all. No, I'm not on a depressed/suicidal kick. I'm just on a reality check.
I'm sick of having to wait on other people who WANT to make plans with me. I'm sick of people who want to make plans with me and make me wait. I'm sick of people who want to make plans with me, make me wait and don't respond. I'm sick of people who want to make plans with me, make me wait, don't respond and after I've given up, grow the balls to cancel and blame technology. I'm sick of people who will judge me on my lifestyle when it is their own that is faulty. I'm sick of people who have the audacity to judge me on not wanting to talk about certain things because I am acting in their best interest yet I am the coward. I am looking to start purging friends. And the depressing thing? I don't have the friends to start purging them. I am a loner. I face things in what I believe is for my own best interest. This might just be the right time to stop hiding behind my fear of losing people and be honest - even if it means giving it all up.
I'm just sick of everything right now. Happy 22nd. Just watch out, the bridges in my life are burning quickly. |
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