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Emotional Tautology
by Chapter Finished

previous entry: Ramble

next entry: February

Morning Thoughts (February 1st, 2009)

02/01/2009

1. The things you’re grateful to have
February, and dude did I never ever think I'd say that out loud. Continued access to a car. Internet, computer, music. My disability paperwork from my doctor, finally. Percoset, even when it makes it hard to sleep/function. Money to pay the bills. My parents, who listen to me vent and give me good advice and have accepted my maturity level enough to not be attached to whether I chose to follow it or not. Experiences in my life that aid my growth. All the different permutations of "worse" that my Crohn's could be. Supper at Maren's house (mmm lasagna).

2. The things you’re grateful NOT to have
Work. Active hallucinatory states at this particular moment. An eviction notice. An STD. A significant other.

3. What you don’t like about yourself
How easy it is for me right now to lose my temper when I'm stoned.

4. How you can change what you don’t like about yourself
Work more carefully on projecting and articulating when I talk. My biggest trigger right now is having to repeat myself, and once I'm pissy everything is annoying, so try to avoid getting angry to begin with. Take a deep breath before saying anything. That break is long enough to avoid really stupid snappy mistakes. Mostly however, I'm glad of losing my temper as it forces me to deal with things I would normally tolerate and shouldn't. I do wish to modify the implementation of the emotions.

5. Your greatest qualities
I am introspective and self-aware. I am loving and kind. I am good with children, because I treat them like humans without expecting them to be adults. I am intelligent and a decent conversationalist. I am stubborn.

6. Your life goals
I aim to be physically stable, so that I might achieve some of my plans. I aim to be a property owner. I aim to claim a safe-haven for those who may need such, both spiritually and physically. I aim to make a difference in my community. I aim to be a teacher and to work the crisis line. I aim to belong to a charity in which I may "adopt" a needy child, and I wish to foster children of need within my own home. I aim to be self-reliant to the extent that it's feasible, and settle for no less than quality when I need to hire out for what it's impractical for me to do myself. I aim to be able to look at myself in the mirror, and be someone that people may look up to.

7. How yesterday’s problems are today’s motivation
I will try harder to keep my house in one piece, even though I'm still not in it overmuch.

8. What you want to do today
I want to do my lists. I want to write a few other entries. I want to go to sleep early enough that I'm rested for work, if possible. I want to get my calendar set up. I want to just feel more prepared for things than I have been.

9. How you can make someone else’s day a little brighter
I will spend time with the kids. That always makes them feel good.

10. You only have one life
Everything is automatic.

previous entry: Ramble

next entry: February

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