I really need to stop watching shows and reading books that have sappy romances in them. That would eliminate every good book, tv show, and movie. They get addicting but they seep through all my numbness I've worked so hard to build up. They remind me how lonely I am and how much I miss having someone in my life. Of course they also remind me at times how much work a relationship is and how draining it can become.
Sure in a perfect world I'd love to have the love story part of life, but I know that I'll never have it even if it's a complicated one. Been there done that and not willing to put myself out there again. I'm only ever good enough until I'm not because someone else comes along. No one can deal with my baggage because I'm not capable of being loved enough to be worth the trouble. I know I need to work on loving myself before anyone can love me.
But it gets old sometimes. Sure I could date someone that wants to date me but he doesn't want me because of me. He likes the idea of me, the idea of not being alone. The fact that he's I'll and could pass away before the chance of a transplant comes along. He doesn't want to be alone so he tries talking me into dating. I'm the only single friend he has that has been a good friend to him. And he said, "like I said before Wendy, you've grown on me" HELL-FRICKEN-NO!! That's not something you say to someone you want to date. And I don't feel that way about him at all .He's my friend. We've been friends for more than 15 years .I care about him, but I don't feel more than friend for him at all. But he doesn't seem to understand when I say no .
Anyway.... Wednesday is my first round of injections in my knees. Nervous but hopeful.
Until next time,
Peace, pot, and polka dots