I Get Weak

I've been lazy as all get out over the past couple of days.  I got up and got a shower, but immediately went right back into a pair of clean pajamas, only to spend my day watching my soaps and reading.  I've still got shows on the DVR that need watching, but my heart simply isn't into watching them at the moment.  So there they sit, waiting for me to take the time to step away from the computer and focus all my attention on them.  It's not like with my soaps.  I sit and listen to those, without having to be parked in front of the television to actually "watch" them.  I think the only time I turn around and focus on the show is when something major is going down.

We haven't made it to the Y at all this week, which is partially my fault.  Al has been so tired this past week, and when he stays up all hours, I feel guilty for waking him up at 8:00am to go to the gym with me.  He doesn't want me going alone, so I wind up not going at all.  I promised him that next week I wouldn't let him sleep late, even if I thought he needed the sleep.  So we'll see how that goes.  I will still feel guilty about waking him up so early, but maybe if I start getting him up early to go, he will be exhausted by the time he gets home and not stay up so late.  One can hope, anyway.

Five minutes after Al left for work yesterday, the library called to let me know they had the books I ordered.  I want to go pick them up right away, but the library is closed on Fridays.  It'll have to wait until tomorrow.  I'm not happy about that, but what are ya gonna do?  It's not like I can make them open just for me, so Saturday morning it will have to be.  I'm cranking through my books right now, but at the pace I'm going, I'm not sure whether or not I'll actually hit my goal of 200 books read this year.  I might have to step it up a bit.  I read pretty fast, but I don't sit and read all day long.  I take breaks.  I play trivia.  I haven't accepted any of my Facebook requests at all yesterday because, in all honesty, I'm getting kind of sick of Facebook.  I still cook every day in Cafe World, but I'm not tying myself down to it.  But when I'm "listening" to my soaps, I'm not reading because I want to be able to pay attention to what's going on and I can't do that if I'm getting lost in the pages of a book.

Today I have another dental appointment at the county health department.  This appointment should be for my teeth cleaning.  Hopefully it'll be another freebie, but if it's not, it shouldn't cost me much.  I know I get a pretty decent discount because I'm on Social Security Disability.  Besides my teeth cleaning, the dentist told me he wants to have me fitted for a device to wear at night to stop me from grinding my teeth.  Apparently I have some bone loss already due to that.  The sad thing is, not only do I grind in my sleep, I have the habit of clenching my jaws when I'm awake.  Most of the time I can catch myself doing it and stop it, but sometimes I don't even realize that I'm doing it.  That can't be good for my teeth either.

Nothing else on the agenda for today other than that.  Considering my appointment is at 10:15am, there really isn't time for me to do anything else before Al leaves for work.  As it is, my dental appointment will be pushing time a bit.  If we're lucky, we'll have time to make one stop at the NEX on the way home, but that'll be it.

Did I mention I cut off all my nails the other day?  I finally took that nasty, chipping polish off my nails because I couldn't stand how tacky they were looking, and when I did, I uncovered a couple of broken nails, right down to the quick, no less, so I pulled them off and cut down all the rest.  So much for needing a manicure.  Guess I saved some money there.  My nails grow fast though, so it won't be long before I need one again.

How tenacious do you think you are when you are trying to achieve a goal?  What factors influence how persistent you are?

I think, perhaps, I may have used this prompt once before, eons ago, but it won't hurt to use it again.

The truth is, I don't think I'm very tenacious at all when it comes to achieving a goal, but I suppose that also depends on the goal.  The bigger and harder the goal, the less tenacity I have for it because I tend to want instant results.  Obviously that has an effect on my persistence.

But like with my weight loss goals, I've set smaller goals for myself as stepping stones to get me to the larger, overall goal.  Smaller goals are easier to achieve, and I like easier.  Anything that will get me there is gravy.  I'm not so sure I'm doing a good job of losing at the moment, but who knows?  I guess I'll find out when I go to the doctor.  I'm sure he'll let me know right away.

The other thing that influences my persistence is how badly I want the goal.  What is my motivating factor for achieving it?  If I have a great motivation, I'm like a dog with a bone about it and I don't let go.  I can remain quite focused.  I still want to see instant results, and I get frustrated when that doesn't happen, but I keep plugging away at it... most of the time.  Sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking it's just too hard, or it's useless and I give up.

I lack consistency, and that's something I have to work on as the year unfolds.

Day 35 and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I'm almost there, in this 40-day journey upon which I've embarked.  I'm not so sure what I'm going to do with myself after I finish.

Today's chapter talks about our weaknesses and how God doesn't just use the strong.  If we focus solely on our strengths and not on our weaknesses, we tend to get arrogant and prideful and think we don't need anyone, let alone God.  But in our weaknesses, when we admit to them, God shows us that we need to rely on him and let those weaknesses show HIS strength.

I'm not sure how God uses me in my weaknesses, especially the ones where I am quick to temper and hold onto hurts a little too long, but I trust that he does find a way to use me for his glory in both of those things, and every other weaknes I have.

Point to Ponder:  God works best when I admit my weakness.

Verse to Remeber:  2 Corinthians 12:9a - My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.

Question to Consider:  Am I limiting God's power in my life by trying to hide my weaknesses?  What do I need to be honest about in order to help others?

I am limiting God in my life because my weaknesses are something I don't like to show or admit to.  I don't think anyone likes to admit to their weak points or show them off.  I need to be honest about these things, including my poor decision making abilities at times in order to show others that even when you make the wrong choices, there is still forgiveness and healing from God.  He writes straight with the crooked lines we give him.  How good is our God to be able to do that!

Don't let self-pity become part of your diet.  It's very easy to feel sorry for yourself when you diet.  First, you feel bad because you're overweight.  Then you feel bad because of all you have to give up.  You feel bad because other people don't seem to understand what you're going through.  They get to eat as they please.  All of these things can make dieters feel extremely sorry for themselves.  Take heart.  God knows wat you're going through, and He is delighted that you care so much about yourself.  It is right and good to want to lose weight.  Whenever we try to dowhat we think is right, God supports us completely.  Replace self-pity with the blessed assurance that God is on your side.

Today's thought  Dieting is no reason for self-pity!

Every once in a while, I give in to self-pity for things I can't have, or shouldn't have, but my doctor told me not to deprive myself of things I crave, otherwise I'm liable to eat my way through a mountain of crap until I actually get what I want.  It's all about self-control and portion sizes.  If I get enough of a taste of something to satisfy myself, then I don't have to feel deprived and I don't have to wallow in self-pity for the things I cannot have.  I think that's the key to any diet or lifestyle change - don't deprive yourself, but use self-control and proper portion sizes.