A Prompt to Get Things Moving

The snow pretty much kept me from doing much of anything yesterday, so as I sit here to write my daily journal entry, I find that I don't have much to discuss.  I'm so behind on watching my television shows because I simply haven't had the interest in sitting down to watch them all.  I got in yesterday's episode of The View, and episodes from the day previous for All My Children, One Life to Live, and General Hospital.  That was about all the television watching I could stand for one day.

I still have three episodes of The Event to watch because I'm so far behind, and two episodes of Pretty Little Liars, which has started back up again.  If I get through all those, I'll be caught up.  I just wish my attention span for television watching wasn't waning so badly at the moment.  Maybe I'll try and watch one or two episodes of something now because it's 5:15am as I'm sitting down to write this, and there's nothing else going on that needs my attention.  I think I've put off watching The Event, because it's one of those shows where you have to actually sit and watch it, not just listen to it, like I can with my soaps.

Okay.  Problem solved.  All My Children is playing in the background.  Let's try getting caught up on the ABC soaps first and then I'll consider watching everything else.

I have been wracking my brain to come up with something to write about today, since I didn't really do anything yesterday and have no plans for today either, other than a shower and getting back into a cean pair of pajamas.  Doesn't my life just make you want to live it?

Anyway, I was searching the web for some journal prompts, and came across a couple of pretty great web pages filled with journal prompts.  So here I am with a prompt for a Wednesday.

What things have you experienced that have helped build your character to what it is today?

The easy answer is that all of my life experiences have helped build my character.  I am who I've become as a result of how I've overcome obstacles and experiences in my life.  Not all of them have been good, but not all of them have been bad either.  The thing is, I think it's the bad experiences over the good, that wind up shaping true character.

I can start off with the fact that I was abandoned by my bio-dad after he and my mom divorced.  My earliest memories of him re ones of fear.  I was afraid of him and afraid to go with him when he DID come around in the beginning.  I used to lock myself in the pantry at my grandparents' house whenever he'd come around; screaming, crying, and generally throwihng a hissy fit about not wanting to go with him.  I don't know why I was afraid, and truthfully, I don't care to know, but he stopped coming around, paying child support, or being part of my life.

As I was growing up, I was surrounded by people in the family dying.  Grandma's sister and brother, Grandpa's mother, Grandma's niece committed suicide and it killed Grandpa's aunt at the same time, and three weeks after that double funeral, we lost Grandma.  Death was as much a part of my life as living, and I was never shielded from it.  Then of course we lost Grandpa too, when I was 22.  I drove my own car in that funeral procession and had Amy with me because I was not living at home and I wanted to prove I could handle it.

Mom remarried twice while I was growing up.  Once when I was in kindergarden, and we moved to Virginia.  I called him daddy.  He was the only father I'd ever known.  But then that daddy was gone when he and Mom got divorced.  Then Mom married Dad when I was a teen and that was a terribly tumultuous time of life.  He drank too much and was physically and emotionally abusive.  I looked for ways to get numb from it, and so I drank heavily, took drugs, and slept around.  Dad read my diary, while I was still a teenager and a virgin, but he took my innocent comments about boys and called me a slut, and had Mom convinced I was a slut, too.  Eventually I became one.

I got pregnant at 24, and had an abortion because I was making $5 an hour and living in a rented room at my girlfriend's mother's house.  I had a form of pre-cancer and had to have surgery and couldn't do that while I was pregnant, so I had to choose between my life and my child's.  I chose my own.

I met a man I eventually married, but he, and subsequently I, was shunned by my family for almost two years because they didn't approve of the fact that he was black.  I dealt with threats of having my sister kept from my life as long as I stayed with him.  I had to live with the fact that Al's divorce took seven years to be finalized.

My sister became a best friend, despite the 16 year age gap between us, and then she moved away.  She was physically abused by two men in her life, the second one tried to kill her twice, and she became an alcoholic.  I've stayed by her side through it all.

My pastor/boss/friend died suddenly and I had to suck up my grief to help plan and run his funeral.  Grandpa's sister died while Mom and Dad were on vacation and Corri and I had to make the arrangements for her, shop for funeral clothes and take care of everything on our own.

Don't get me wrong.  There were good things thrown into my life too.  Many of them.  But I am who I've become, I believe, because it is the bad things that develop a person's character.  I've got a backbone.  When push comes to shove, I rise to the occasion and do what needs doing.  I've had to tap into strength that I never knew I possessed.  I made some bad choices, dealt with the consequences, and came out on the plus side.

I could've become angry and bitter, and shut everyone out of my life, but I didn't.  I still have a heart as wide as the universe.  I still make bad choices and don't always manage my temper well, but I try to.  I try to let love be the rule of my life.

So there you have it.  That's how my character has been shaped.  I've been over my head in shit and I still come out of it smelling like roses.  Surely God has plans for me, good plans, or else I would've turned out very different from the way I am.

Today is day 33 in The Purpose Driven Life and this particular chapter was all about having the heart of a servant and serving others.  To be honest, I don't know if I do have the heart of a servant.  I like to serve others, truly, and to help out where needed, and I don't expect accolades or atta girls for it, but certainly they are nice to get.  I've always tried to volunteer to do this or that, but sometimes, and I'm rather embarrassed to admit this, I did certain things because they looked good on a resume.  That belies my servant's heart right there.

The book talks about six characteristics of a servant's heart:

• Real servants make themselves available to serve.


• Real servants pay attention to needs.


• Real servants do their best with what they have.


• Real servants do every task with equal dedication.


• Real servants are faithful to their ministry.


• Real servants maintain a low profile.

Point to Ponder:  I serve God by serving others.

Verse to Remember:  Matthew 10:42 - If you give even a cup of cold water to one of the least omy followers, you will surely be rewarded.

Question to Consider:  Which of the six characteristics of real servants offers the greatest challenge to me?

I think I have two that give me issues.  I don't always do every task with equal dedication, especially if it's something I don't like to do.  I also have an issue with keeping a low profile.  I don't think I've ever been a low profile person.  I'm too out there and in your face, larger than life.  It's almost impossible for me to keep a low profile, no matter how hard I try.  Not only that, I crave praise at times.  I don't always need it, but sometimes, yes, I do.  It comes from years of being downed by others that makes me fight harder to get the praise.  I know it's a self-esteem issue and it's something I have to work on a little bit harder.

Dieting involves a constant struggle between two intense desires:  the desire to lose weight and the desire to indulge in the foods we love.  This is not an easy struggle.  We are double minded.  God wants all of His children to learn to be single-minded.  Once we decide that something is important, we should learn to stick to it.  That's not easy to do on our own.  For that reason, it is helpful for us to draw close to God.  He will listen as we tell Him our troubles.  The closer we a to God, the more He can help us through difficult times.  If we ask Him to, God will help us become single-minded.  He is as anxious as we are to see us attain our goal.

Today's thought:  God will keep us on the right track!