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Neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it.
by Poetic Justice

previous entry: Letter to my dear brother. (Not very nice. You were warned)

next entry: Chicken Tikka Marsala...

Concrete Angel


I really hope no one I know offline has an account on Bloop and happens to be online at 5 in the morning to recognize this story and start drama, but I'm awake, and thinking, so here goes...

I have a Step Father. That's not uncommon, but it's where the story begins. He is a great person- The kind of guy that busts his ass at work his whole life to support his family, is always helpful, can be called at 4AM on any given day and (if he answers) he'll rush out of the house to help you if you need him, etc. He's a good person. But he hasn't always BEEN WITH good people. In fact, his exwife was really heavy into drugs. She was a user, a loser, and still is to this day, but he has children with her so she'll never be completely out of his life even though they are fully grown. One of these children- We'll call her "Sara" turned out to be just like mommy, all though the rest of his kids turned out to be great people, just like him.

Now, my mother never liked his ex, and eventually grew to not care for "Sara" very much either, because of the way they treat my step father. They use him for money, they guilt trip him into posting bail for them when they get arrested- You name it. And no, he never gets any of this money back. Then one day "Sara" came over and told us that she was pregnant. Both my mother and step father knew it would be a disaster from the start, as she was still using drugs, sleeping around, etc. Nine months later, baby "Justin" was born. She had another baby, "Frank" soon after, but he doesn't play a very vital role in this story, and I didn't hear many horror-stories of HIS childhood (thankfully).

So not long after "Justin" was born, his father OD'ed and died. That's bad enough, but "Sara" was getting money from his death to 'use for the baby' which in their language meant 'buy more drugs', so she was happy. She started sleeping with guys left and right, watching porn with these men while baby "Justin" was in the room- I shit you not, this woman is something you'd see on the Steve Wilkos show. Family members have gone to her house and seen the baby crawling on the floor next to their USED NEEDLES... And there was nothing they could do. Child services were obviously called, but nothing came of it for a while (I'll get to that).

Anyhow, every time I talked to my mom she had more and more horror stories about this baby. I can't even remember them all now, it's been so long, but they were awful. When "Justin" got a little older, he started to become very violent, which isn't surprising, because that's how mommy taught him to be (she thought it was funny, and would yell at him if he acted like "a pussy"- Her words). That's not really abnormal- I was a violent kid, too. I was always drawing pictures of haunted houses and monsters in art class and everyone thought I'd grow up to become a serial killer, but I'm fine. This kid "Justin", though... He was different. He seemed to enjoy seeing things in pain a little too much. I'd draw pictures of scary stuff- He'd actually want to make it happen. He never did anything serious (around us when we were baby-sitting, anyhow, I don't know what happened when he was at home), but he would make lots of out of place comments about hurting things (animals, people, etc) that my mother always corrected. And he would be very detailed about HOW they would be hurt, too. Things that even make ME uncomfortable, and I don't rattle easily. I think that was the first sign that something was up.

Around this time, child services were involved, and come to find out "Sara"s brother "Mark" and his wife were fighting for custody of both of "Sara"s kids. "Mark" (one of my step father's kids who is a really good guy) got custody, thank God, but it was only temporary. So now "Justin" and "Frank" were living with "Mark", his wife, and their young son... The downside being that they are a hard-working blue-collar family like mine, so they had very little income. Having "Sara"s 2 kids on top of their own, and with bills to pay was getting to be too much. And "Sara"s kids needed a lot of help/attention, because they are both pretty disturbed. They made some progress with the kids, but eventually they lost the battle and custody went to someone else in the family (I forget who).

These new people were caring for "Justin" and "Frank" (who are now.... 8 and 9 years old? Somewhere around there), as well as their 7 year old daughter "Lily" last I heard, and then I got a call from my mom. We got to talking, and I guess "Justin" was exhibiting some odd sexual behavior- Nothing that is at all common for someone his age. I guess he had told his little brother "Frank" to go up to the little girl, "Lily" while she was sleeping, lay on top of her, and start touching her in places little girls shouldn't be touched. Things of that nature. Well... "Justin" is already in counseling, and his counselor told the people watching him that he is 'deeply disturbed sexually' and that he needs more intense counseling which he/she cannot provide. The only way for him to get the help he needs is for the family to turn custody over to the state and have him placed in an institution indefinitely until he's 'better'.

Long story short- My mother thinks one of the men (and I use the term 'man' loosely) that "Sara" was banging after "Justin"s father died molested him. Hell, they all could have done it, who knows. I doubt she would have even stopped them if she knew. And after everything that poor kid went through, she fucked him up so bad that he has to be put in a fucking mental institution for God only knows how long in HOPES that they might be able to help him. He might be too far gone, and he isn't even a teen yet.

I don't know why this keeps popping into my head, but it makes me physically ill. I baby-sat that kid when he was just a fat little baby, crawling around on our floor and watching cartoons with me. He was so sweet and so innocent. He didn't deserve any of this. I was only there with him for a few of his visits (I had already moved out, but "Sara" dropped him in my parent's lap as often as she could) but I feel like I watched him grow up. He's still just a baby, but his hell is just beginning. She put him on the fast-track to becoming a serial killer or rapist, and to this day she doesn't give a damn. Everyone else is wrong, and she wants to regain custody of her kids so she can move them into her new crack-house with her. She thinks they're fine.

Back when he was still really little, and I was living at home, he made a character on my World of Warcraft account. I still have it, and I have been playing the game again recently after a LONG hiatus. I think that's why this is plaguing me at 5AM every night now. I know it's there, and I think of him. I feel sick. Helpless and sick.

Deep down, I know that the best people for the job ("Mark", my parents, the last people to have him, etc) did the best they could. They did EVERYTHING they could... It just kills me that it could never be enough. The only thing they COULDN'T do is change the past, and that's what he needed most.

Blah, if anyone actually read this, I'm sorry it came out of nowhere. I just had to let it out somewhere. It's been bothering me.

previous entry: Letter to my dear brother. (Not very nice. You were warned)

next entry: Chicken Tikka Marsala...

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*Sigh* Layout fail.

[Poetic Justice|0 likes] [|reply]

thanks for making me feel better...

no, I mean, I was concerned with these things as well, and honestly, I loathe walmart. it has literally driven out nearly every other business in my small town when it opened its doors here. I really hated even having to use site to store through them, but as I am on a budget for Christmas, I thought it would be worth the risk this once, since what I had ordered was cheaper through them than through amazon.

Now that I have a chance to reconsider, assuming I really do get a credit back, I think I'll be paying the extra money to get those gifts somewhere else..I'm glad you actually told me all of that. I'd hate to get all excited about my stuff being here on time, only to find out it's been destroyed during shipping and I have to wait even longer...

I just love how they take over the world, force you to be dependent on them, and give you shitty service in exchange..but I won't start on all of that..thank you..

[UnauthorizedStar|0 likes] [|reply]

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