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Discussion Forums » General Discussion
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Is Monogamy Realistic?
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28 Oct 2009, 17:28
~*Jodi*~
Post Count: 162
I just read this article on CNN [also posted on Newsworthy diary] about monogamy, and wondered what my fellow Bloopers thought about monogamy in today's day and age. Article Link: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/28/monogamy.realistic.today/index.html

Story highlights:
* Changing social mores, growing life expectancy prompt new questions about monogamy
* Mating for life is within the realm of human potential, but it's not easy, evolutionary biologist says
* Some people try polyamory, or having relationships with several partners at the same time
* Americans are too surprised by infidelity when it happens, author says

The author of "Lust in Translation" Pamela Druckerman stated, "Americans are too surprised by infidelity when it happens. I think we go into marriage with perhaps unrealistically high expectations about human nature."

--------
I saw on the news the other day that somewhere between 60-90% of people will cheat at some point in their marriages - though I'm not sure why the statistic varies so much. Personally, I think it's closer to 90%.

The rates of marriages and divorce according to the CDC in April 2009 were:
* Number of marriages: 2,162,000
* Marriage rate: 7.1 per 1,000 total population
* Divorce rate: 3.5 per 1,000 population

[Source: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm]

So, what do you all think about monogamy? In the age of hookups, friends with benefits and online dating, and as human life expectancy grows, is it still reasonable to expect people to pair up and stay monogamous until death do them part?
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28 Oct 2009, 18:51
Makayla
Post Count: 751
Personally, I don't expect my partner to stay faithful forever. Everyone in my family is divorced mostly due to the man cheating. I don't think I've seen one healthy monogamous relationship in all my 20 years. My great grandparents are the only ones who I seen stay married all their lives from 13years of age til the death of my great grandpa when he was in his 70's. My great grandmother never got remarried. So they were the only "soulmates" I've ever seen. But even then you never know anybody else's relationship. There might have been cheating in those years. I'm not saying that nobody can stay faithful their whole life to their spouse, but I am saying that the odds are against them. I hope & pray the father of my child stays faithful to me the rest of our lives, but honestly I don't expect if from him.
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28 Oct 2009, 18:52
Makayla
Post Count: 751
Oh & my great grandfather died when I was only 5 years old so it's not like I really was old enough to see how a healthy relationship worked.
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28 Oct 2009, 18:59
~RedFraggle~
Post Count: 2651
It's absolutely possible, if the couple care enough and love each other.

And I have difficulty really believing that 90% of married people cheat at some point.
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29 Oct 2009, 20:47
feisty one.
Post Count: 25
I agree ~RedFraggle~ I don't think 90% of married people cheat either.
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31 Oct 2009, 17:39
starsmaycollide
Post Count: 408
I replying to you just to tell you I like your new icon-I love Tim :) lol.
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31 Oct 2009, 23:28
Chris
Post Count: 1938
Same thing as stars may collide.

Tebow is a god.
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28 Oct 2009, 22:21
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
I'd like to think it is, but I know it's unnatural for humans.
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29 Oct 2009, 02:32
starsmaycollide
Post Count: 408
It is realistic-the problem is, a lot of people don't do what it takes to make their relationships work in general, so then they don't stay monogamous, either. And it is true that some people may go into marriage with unrealistic expectations of their partner, or what marriage is actually like-which can lead to problems.

Monogamy is not really an unrealistic expectation, but marriage takes a lot of work. Some people don't really understand that, and give up and/or cheat.
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29 Oct 2009, 23:36
Lauren.
Post Count: 885
What she ^ said ;).
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28 Oct 2009, 18:20
holdtehpickles
Post Count: 73
Soon it'll be "It's okay to cheat, it's human nature."
Please.
I don't really think til' death do us part is all that realistic, but if you feel the need, urge to be with someone else, so be it, just break ties with your current person first.
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28 Oct 2009, 20:44
kein mitleid
Post Count: 592
The idea of monogamy actually breaks nature, when you think about it. Most animals do not practice monogamy, as spreading their genetic material through generations dictates procreating with as many partners as possible (for the males, at least), while the females benefit from finding the current alpha male, which changes frequently. Some of the so-called "monogamous" animals only practice monogamy for one breeding season, then switch partners. Vew few animals mate for life.

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31 Oct 2009, 21:02
wugs
Post Count: 96
So should men mate with many prostitutes and all the ladies run for the current president/prime minister/etc?

I don't see how this logic applies to modern humans.
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1 Nov 2009, 02:23
Starlight Fantasy
Post Count: 3
But it doesn't break nature. Few animals mate for life but not none. A rather decent amount actually does mate for life. And, what things about humans don't break nature? As soon as we chose culture over environment we "defied" the natural path and we've survived so far. Plus, I hardly think humans need to be procreating as much as possible any more. Nature has been trying to cut our numbers for centuries, even millenia.
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29 Oct 2009, 09:57
Sarah*
Post Count: 63
Yep. Exactly!
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28 Oct 2009, 19:13
Mojo Jojo
Post Count: 278
I don't think cheating is necessary. It's having your cake and eating it too!
I've been in a monogamous relationship for 8 years, since I was 16. I don't know if it'll last forever, but I hope so.
My grandparents were married for 58 years and remained faithful, as far as I know. My parents have been married 25 years and are faithful. I'm lucky, there's been very very few divorces in my family and NONE in my immediate family, none in my husband's family either. I don't know if this has any bearing on our own outlook. I would be inclined to think that children of broken homes are more likely to divorce, but maybe I'm mistaken.
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31 Oct 2009, 16:46
ninga
Post Count: 27
Ive always hated the expression, you cant have your cake and eat it too. what good is it to have cake, if you cant eat it????

It IS realistic to believe in monogamy, if you and your partner agree on it....if you disagree, well you probably should be together anyway.
i have several friends who have open marriages, and it works for them....it wouldnt for everyone.

more than the cheating itself, the hiding and lying would bother me the most.
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31 Oct 2009, 17:05
.November.Butterfly.
Post Count: 210
i hated that expression too.. until i was told what it actually means... it means you can't keep your cake and eat it! you can either keep it, or eat it, but you can't do both. they ought to have phrased it like that!
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31 Oct 2009, 19:30
ninga
Post Count: 27
Now see, THAT makes sense to me LOL
THAT is how it should be said, "You cant keep your cake and eat it too..." LOVE IT!
so gonna use it in that format! ;)
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1 Nov 2009, 14:55
Mojo Jojo
Post Count: 278
I was gonna say that, Suzi beat me to it :p
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29 Oct 2009, 00:35
.xoxo
Post Count: 263
I think it is, but it definitely takes work. If couples in a relationship don't get too comfy, and the relationship stays fresh then monogamy is possible. It's all about filling each other's love tank. =]
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29 Oct 2009, 02:05
PakistaniDiva06
Post Count: 31
I think monogamous relationships are possible. The problem isn't 'nature' it's people's inability to commit to anything in life. Monogamy takes a specific level of maturity, and commitment and unfortunately people don't tend to posses it anymore.
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29 Oct 2009, 02:31
& skull.
Post Count: 1701
it is possible, given all the other natural instincts we seem able to defy, but it's not easy. some people just aren't built to last in a long term relationship, some aren't built for relationships are all, and others are great at it. it depends on how much you work at your relationship.
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29 Oct 2009, 07:18
The Ryan
Post Count: 414
We're not animals. I've never felt the need to hunt down my own food or piss against a lampost. Believe it or not! ;D


And even if the instinct is there to cheat, many of us are above it and able to not act on it, yo!
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29 Oct 2009, 17:35
neverpretty
Post Count: 35
THIS.

also, i would think that our own ethics and morality would play into it? we are products of choice, not just products of nature.
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