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Discussion Forums » General Discussion
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Toddlers going to loved ones Funerals
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6 Oct 2009, 16:13
Post Count: 74
Do you think it's appropriate for a toddler to attend a funeral/memorial?
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6 Oct 2009, 16:29
Mami 2 ♥ 1
Post Count: 361
why not? death is very much a part of life.
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6 Oct 2009, 22:49
Post Count: 1938
Well I guess it's not a part of LIFE, knowwhatimsayin'?
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7 Oct 2009, 00:22
Post Count: 571
Aaaaw... I see what you did there...
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6 Oct 2009, 16:39
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
I was never taken to any as a child, because my mom didn't want me to get upset. I don't think I'd take mine when I have some. I think funerals are difficult at any age, but especially as a young child when you don't really understand what's going on. I was told that my granddad (who was a landscape gardener) had been asked to go look after God's garden in heaven lol ;D And of course I cried but it was much easier on me than going through an emotional funeral as well.
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6 Oct 2009, 18:13
Post Count: 68
if youre asking because you dont know if you should bring them, i think you should do what you think is right for your child and their experiences..
everyone is different, i wouldn't raise my child on the opinions of a bunch of other people. =/
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6 Oct 2009, 22:49
Post Count: 1938
What a great post.
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6 Oct 2009, 22:24
Post Count: 507
Only way I could see it being a problem is if the parent doesn't watch the child or fails to remove said child if they act up and throw a fit or something.
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6 Oct 2009, 23:53
Post Count: 242
It really depends on the child. Most toddlers will not truly understand what's going on anyway. Some do, and the parent will have to prepare them, and have a nice long conversation with them before hand about what will be happening, and why people will be so sad, and what's going on, etc. It's really just up to the parent.
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6 Oct 2009, 16:32
Hope Rising
Post Count: 42
Agreed. Also, I think my toddler would feel quite left out if everyone else in the family went but her.
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6 Oct 2009, 17:03
Hope Rising
Post Count: 42
I was agreeing that I don't see why toddlers shouldn't attend funerals.
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6 Oct 2009, 17:06
Mami 2 ♥ 1
Post Count: 361
Funerals are very hard at any age. I was taken to my great grandfathers funeral when i was probably 4ish. It helped me to go. I was explained very well what had happened and that we were all going to say goodbye to him and honor him. I got to see him laying in the casket and i got to kiss him goodbye and it helped me that i got that chance and it gave me closure. Death is inevitable and I would definitely introduce my son to the concept in a very age appropriate way but i would still take him to a funeral/memorial.
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6 Oct 2009, 17:15
Post Count: 58
I took my son to my grandfathers funeral recently just before he turned 2 years old. He was fine,because he didn't know what was going on and didn't get upset by it.
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6 Oct 2009, 17:36
Post Count: 11
I think toddlers are so young they realize something is going on but can't completely grasp what. Around the ages of 4 and 5 are when the question seems to pop up. Around that age one of my grandfathers died and two years later the other one died. My mother didn't allow me to attend either funeral, not so much out of fear that I wouldn't understand it or accept death but more so out of knowing I'm a kid and regardless of how much I wanted to go, I was going to be bored and begging to leave within 10 minutes.

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6 Oct 2009, 17:38
Wisconsin Mom
Post Count: 16
My son is 4 and has to been to at least 5 funerals since he has been 4 months old. the most recent one was in june when he was 4. i dont think there is anything wrong with toddlers going.
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6 Oct 2009, 17:42
Poetic Justice
Post Count: 229
My parents never wanted me to go as a child, either. Hell, half the time they dont want me to go now. I went to a couple of wakes when I was younger, and I remember my mother saying she didnt want me to go to the funeral because it would be 'too much'. That always struck me as odd, because seeing the body lying in the casket is much more traumatizing than laying a closed casket in the ground, but whatever. In any event, if/when I have kids and this should come up, I would take them, because I know I wish I had gone. Or, I'd explain the situation, and ask them what they want to do if they're old enough to understand that much.
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6 Oct 2009, 18:00
Post Count: 377
The only problem I would see is the kids that don't understand what's going on and are running around & being disruptive... That would bother me. But if your kids are well-behaved, then it's not a big deal.
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6 Oct 2009, 18:22
Hayley McBayley
Post Count: 76
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I know that they are upsetting, but they're upsetting at any age.
When my baby cousin died three years ago, her Brothers went to the funeral (they were 3, 6, 11 and 15) and they were really well behaved and I think that it helped them understand more. They all had their own balloon to release for Laila and they all had time to say what they wanted.
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6 Oct 2009, 18:26
~Just the 3 of Us~
Post Count: 98
By all means it is acceptable to take a toddler to a funeral. They are part of the family!
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6 Oct 2009, 18:28
Post Count: 89
I took my 3 year old to one..Unfortunately he didnt want to sit still and quite so I had to take him outside. But I would bring them..I dont see why you wouldnt..unless its for a friend or someone you knew but werent really close with like family or something..I wouldnt bring mine if I was just staying for a short while.
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6 Oct 2009, 21:15
something amazing.
Post Count: 105
As long as your kid isn't throwing a huge fit during the funeral, then I don't really see the problem. My cousin brought his son to my dad's viewing and he was only 3. We explained that Uncle died and looks like he's sleeping and that people will cry because they're sad that he died. We explained that to my 5 and 6 year old cousins and my 8 year old nephew and they were perfectly fine to see my dad and weren't upset. Maybe bringing the toddler to the viewing (where people are up and moving around) would be better than the actual funeral where you have to sit and be quiet. It wouldn't be fair for you to have to leave if your child was getting cranky.
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6 Oct 2009, 21:17
something amazing.
Post Count: 105
I just want to add too, if your child is easily upset by your actions, I wouldn't bring the child if you or someone they're close to (like a sibling, grandparent or close family friend) will be crying hard. This may scare them to see Mom or Dad so upset and cause them to be upset. Only you know how your child will react. :)
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7 Oct 2009, 04:08
j'dore hailey&ryan
Post Count: 70
very true. my daughter hates to see my cry. my son is 16m and he looks at me like "whats ur problem!" lol
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6 Oct 2009, 22:46
Post Count: 86
I went to both my grandparents' funerals when I was like 3..

I don't remember my gpa's.. but I remember being in the hospital when he was rolled by me and was covered in a white sheet. It wasn't till I was 16 when I ask if it really happened.. it did.

But my gma's.. wow.. I remember walking to the coffin and touched her hand and ran away screaming "ewww.. I touched a dead person!" .. lol

When my dad passed .. my brother bought all of his 4 kids (5th was still in belly).. oldest being around 8 and youngest around 1.. I had the oldest 3 with me a lot of the day.. and had to explain to them that they were to say goodbye to their gpa bc he wouldn't be around anymore.. It wasn't that he didn't love them.. but he just needed to go away.. That gpa would always look over them and take care of them from where he was. The oldest still remember to this day..

I see no reason to not bring them.. just explain to them what's going on.
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6 Oct 2009, 23:15
jessi bear(:
Post Count: 300
when my grandpa passed away my little sister was two and my mom took her simply because everyone she trusted to babysit would also be at the funeral.
i sincerely wish that my sister hadn't been there. she just couldn't understand what was going on. we tried to explain to her but she couldn't grasp the concept.
she kept asking everyone when her papa was going to wake up and it just made it really hard.
it really depends on the child and how they accept the situation.
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