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Texts from Last Night
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24 Jul 2009, 21:45
Post Count: 268
If you don't know what TFLN is, click!
If you do, what are some of your favorites?! :]]]]

Here's an example that I just read, which made me laugh out loud:

(574): some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
(1-574): class
(574): he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
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24 Jul 2009, 22:43
Tam I Am
Post Count: 311
Dude. I am so friggin' addicted to that site. I can sit on the couch for HOURS reading that one and
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24 Jul 2009, 22:46
Post Count: 268
Me too! I think the farthest I got up to in one night was, like, page 153.

I hate that fmylife's pages don't load, though. Freaking annoying.
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25 Jul 2009, 02:01
just samma;
Post Count: 204
me too!
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24 Jul 2009, 23:52
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
This one is great:

(347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

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25 Jul 2009, 07:18
Post Count: 751
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25 Jul 2009, 07:13
Post Count: 27
I actually made the site because I can't read cursive when drunk.... My current favourite is (402): What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

It's pretty much the best site ever.
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25 Jul 2009, 07:49
Post Count: 751

(630): why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?

(785): Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours

(859): While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight

(651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

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24 Jul 2009, 23:37
Lily-my one and only
Post Count: 62
lmao i never saw that site before!!! some of my faves so far:

(281): had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.

(516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
(443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

(480): my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion

(602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
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25 Jul 2009, 00:01
[mandie knickers]
Post Count: 157
haha. so i've never heard of this site until right now &i am LOVING it.

some of my faves are:

(305): If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining

(415): I'll probably hate you when I'm sober [because i believe i've sent that one. lol.]

(703): I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
(1-703): I see a marketing opportunity
919): i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"

(708): We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.

(203): she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
(860): what did you do?
(203): i asked her out. that's so hot.

(303): God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
(720): And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

(334): I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves. [that's my area]

(901): oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
(901): fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings

(402): What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

(717): this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.

(404): Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
(770): Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you

(403): She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.

(785): Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.

(334): I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
(205): Win!

(334): Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies. [ok, i SO want to know who from around here sent this, because this is fucking brilliant. lmao.]

(205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
(1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

(717): How was your Memorial Day?
(1-717): Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.

(302): Who goes to Church hungover
(717): Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk

(717): You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.

(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

(321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

(201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
(908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
(201): Tie

(410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
(443): wasted?
(410): im pocohantasssss [okay, ive totally sent like, a million of these disney style texts. haha.]

(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

(330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down BRILLIANT.

(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

(734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

(971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.

(850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
(850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

(954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

(970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

(919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

(905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

(850): Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos. [this actually has me crying. lol.]

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25 Jul 2009, 00:08
Post Count: 268
The Disneyworld one had me DYING!
Best. Site. EVAR! (Apart from Bloop, of course ;])
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25 Jul 2009, 00:09
[mandie knickers]
Post Count: 157
i think the last harry potter one may be my fave.

or the 205 area code about the real estate thing, cause that's totally b-ham, yo. haha.

or no no...the accidental ginger babies one. by far, the most brilliant thing ever.
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25 Jul 2009, 00:13
Post Count: 268
LMAO. I didn't even see the 205 one. I must have skipped over it.
I may not want to live there, but Alabama does have it's appealing sides to it..Ha.
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25 Jul 2009, 00:15
[mandie knickers]
Post Count: 157
what appealing sides could alabama possibly have?

other than me. ;D

oh &nikky. haha.
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25 Jul 2009, 00:20
Post Count: 268
Haha. Other than you guys?
Absolutely hilarious drunk moments such as that one.

But then again, doesn't every state have those? Oh. Utah. >.>
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25 Jul 2009, 01:16
[mandie knickers]
Post Count: 157

well, i do have quite a few absolutely hilarious drunk moments.
my last entry is a fine example.
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25 Jul 2009, 00:11
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849

(978): We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.

(412): as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms

(703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

(512): just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.

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25 Jul 2009, 02:37
Post Count: 217
(989): Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.

(240): Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
(703): What are you talking about
(240): You've got to be kidding me

(202): he's my edward cullen
(770): I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow

(509): I had sex in a family bathroom
(503): What?!
(509): Yea, there was a lady outside with her kids, but I just told them I was trying to start a family, so it's fine
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25 Jul 2009, 09:21
Juniper ♥
Post Count: 69
tfln is about the greatest site ever... one of my favorites... and yet i haven't been to it oin like a month. i fail.
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25 Jul 2009, 09:21
Juniper ♥
Post Count: 69

fail again.
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25 Jul 2009, 10:50
& skull.
Post Count: 1701
this site and fuck my life are the best things evar.
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25 Jul 2009, 10:52
& skull.
Post Count: 1701
(303): maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."

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26 Jul 2009, 13:35
ICky VICky
Post Count: 78
agreed i favorited it and told all my friends
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26 Jul 2009, 14:33
& skull.
Post Count: 1701
(213) Whats up
(424): Asleep
(213): Miss you... Wondering how you are..
(424): ASLEEP
(213): Just wanted to say hi, see how school's going
(424): Hi, awesome, now fuck off

i totally relate to 424 here. lol.
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26 Jul 2009, 14:42
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
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