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Discussion Forums » General Discussion
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Parents vs. Primary Caregivers
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25 May 2009, 03:43
Toffee Sprinkles
Post Count: 87
Do you think bonding is critical for optimal development? Do you think it's more important for both parents to bond equally with their child, or is it more important for the child to bond with the primary caregiver? Why?
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25 May 2009, 04:08
Post Count: 1938
The child is going to gravitate more toward one parent than another anyway.
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26 May 2009, 09:51
Post Count: 61
Every bond is unique. The bond with Mum, will be different to the bond with Dad and those bonds will be different to the ones with the grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings etc.

All are equally important.

Most children imitate their same sex parent. So its important for that to be a healthy bond.

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25 May 2009, 08:41
Post Count: 1096
Their parents, who should be their primary caregiver.
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25 May 2009, 08:46
Post Count: 132
I think she meant the primary caregiver out of the parents, for example, its often that the mother spends most of the time with the child, so therefore she is the primary caregiver
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25 May 2009, 11:41
Post Count: 78
i'm a sahm to my youngest... she prefers daddy lol
and our eldest prefers MY dad lmao!! so it just shows... I MUST BE AN AWFUL MOTHER!!!
but not when she [the eldest] is ill.. shes all mummy when she really needs someone.
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25 May 2009, 15:48
Post Count: 196
Well, I am not a parent. But I believe that if there are two (or more, step parents, grandparents, etc.) parents in a child's life, then they all need to express an interest and concern towards the child. As long as the child doesn't feel neglected, or that one parent "loves her/him more" than the other parent, I agree with what Lady Anon said, children usually prefer one parent over the other anyway... I don't think that's unhealthy as long as it's in a healthy situation.
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25 May 2009, 15:52
Post Count: 89
I joint custody with my son..Im his primary caregiver but all my son wants is my everytime he gets hurt or whatnot its always "No I want papa" lol But when he gets sick he wants me..he never cries for his father..thank
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26 May 2009, 08:20
Post Count: 378
My husband and i both work full time and my inlaws care for our son. He then has four people very prominent in his world who think the sun rises and sets on him. win win...he has four people who adore him and is well cared for when we cant be there in an environment that is like his second home.
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26 May 2009, 09:06
Post Count: 210
I think that once a primary bond is established to a caregiver, then more attachments can form to more people. my daughter has strong bonds with me primarily... i have the boobs and do most of the taking care of her, then my husband and dad, she then has more with the inlaws and so on. once the primary bond is found they can go on to have more with others.
bonding is absolutely critical for the best emotional development... you can see that in cases where children are damaged by not being loved, or have issues of not being attached.
if a good attachment is not formed in the critical period (birth- 2.5 years i think?!) or an attachment is broken (ie mother goes to hospital as she did with my dad, his aunt took care of him to which he then bonded, and then his mother returned, and his aunt left) then that child will have issues bonding/making attachments with people later on.

parents bond differently with their children, i don't know about things being 'equal' or if its even possible to measure... because they are very different.
(its been a while since i studied this stuff, i hope i'm not talking crap here)
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26 May 2009, 11:17
Lady Elphaba
Post Count: 386
It's important for both parents to contribute to their children's upbringing :)
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