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Discussion Forums » General Discussion
21 and still living at home?
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11 May 2009, 01:59
Post Count: 200
Yep, those are pretty much my thoughts.
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11 May 2009, 18:50
Post Count: 76
Did you really save? Most people I know who had that arrangement didn't save a dime?
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11 May 2009, 22:49
Post Count: 200
I've only started working about 7 months ago (I was studying before that) and I don't get paid much, but yes. I've saved every dime actually.
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11 May 2009, 23:19
Post Count: 76
good job.
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11 May 2009, 23:34
Post Count: 200
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12 May 2009, 13:50
Post Count: 5
well i dont agree with that since my dad went to prison in april last year and i moved in i help my mom with the bills simply because seh cant make it on her own or well seh could just it would be harder
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12 May 2009, 16:02
Post Count: 200
I'm not sure what you're not agreeing with... my life? lol

I never said it was wrong to help your mom out with rent if needed. My thing, as I've already explained, is with parents that expect their children to pay rent when it's not necessary.
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9 May 2009, 23:31
Post Count: 132
Im 21 and still live at home, and I have a set list of chores that have to be done, which I think is fair enough. I don't pay board because I worked out a way to contribute my fair share to the household without having to, so I cook twice a week and stuff like that..
I dont have to be home by a certain time, but they like to know where I am and when Ill be back...

I dont think you should rebel, rather, sit down and talk to your parents and let them know that you dont think you should have a curfew...
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10 May 2009, 00:43
Mary Magdelene
Post Count: 506
I moved out when I was 18, but I have a little brother who is 22 and still lives with my parents, also because of financial reasons.

Housework? Yes, you should definitely be doing housework. You aren't paying any boarding bills, so you are get a place to stay by working for your parents (housecleaning).

Don't rebel and say that just because you are 21 it means you should be allowed to be out at all hours and not have a curfew. While I don't believe you SHOULD have a curfew, the fact remains that it IS your parents home. Instead of rebelling, sit down and talk to them like adults and ask them to explain to you why they have a curfew for you, then ask them to allow you to explain why you don't think you should have a curfew. But if they disagree with you and think that there still needs to be a curfew, but you can't come to an agreement on what that curfew should be, then you are going to have to just deal with their rules or move out. Those are your only options.

But just try to have an adult conversation about this. If you can present your argument in a mature, non-rebellious way, you may be able to convince them that you can be trusted with either a much later curfew, or no curfew at all.
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10 May 2009, 00:50
Post Count: 196
If you are not paying anything, and only going to school 8 hours a week, I don't think it is unfair to expect you to do all the housework. It is not easy feeding and housing another mouth. However if you are working full time that might not be fair, but if the house is clean like you say then maybe it does not take all that much time to do chores.
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10 May 2009, 02:54
[danielle electra.]
Post Count: 62
I'm almost 21 & my brother's 23 & we both still live at home. I think that's kinda crazy that you do so much around the house, yet you still have a curfew! I haven't had a curfew since I was 16.

My brother doesn't do ANYTHING around the house [he's a lazy beachbum] & he stays out til 5 or 6 am.

I at least do my own laundry, the dishes, & I cook but I still get to go out whenever & my parents never say what time I have to be home. The only thing they ask when I go out is where I'm going [usually, I'm just going to a friend's house, or to the movies].

10pm is kinda ridiculous to me. AT LEAST 1am, or 2am, I would think would be appropiate for a 21 year old who does so much around the house. REBEL!
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10 May 2009, 07:01
lithium layouts.
Post Count: 836
I'm 22 and still live at home. But there are a number of factors that underpin this:
1. I study full-time at university (have been since I left school).
2. My parents are strict and Italian and won't even let me move out until I get married. xD (And hey, I'm fine with that.)
3. Because I study full-time, I can't have a full-time job. I definitely have time for a casual job, maybe weekends, but that wouldn't support me if I were to live on my own and study at the same time. And because I want to do well in uni - and because it's a pretty full-on degree - I feel that working more than 16 hours a week would jeopardise my study. So I currently don't work, although I have worked 16-24 hours a week in the past.

I do have to do some housework here and there but I have 3 other siblings and we all pitch in. Mum does the majority though (well she did until recently - she had surgery so we've taken over). The housework I do includes dishes, laundry, vacuuming, and general tidying up.

I can get home whenever I want. But I do have to call and give them an indication of my plans, an approximate time, and so on. It's the courteous thing to do.

I think you definitely have it a bit unfair. Have you brought it up with your parents before? You should point out that you're a good kid, and that you keep the house clean and you're doing the right thing by paying off your student loan and bills and such, so you should be allowed some freedom (post-10pm!). I was actually much like you, but once I started uni (when I was 18) my parents slacked off a lot more.

Also, are you the oldest sibling? I am. It often makes matters worse for us. xD
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10 May 2009, 13:52
Acid Fairy
Post Count: 1849
I am 21, still live at home.

I'm an only child, so I've always been spoilt. I don't have to do chores and I don't pay rent because I only work part time whilst I am studying.

When I go out I often stay over at a friend's or my boyfriend's. Although sometimes I need picking up and they will usually come collect me at 12, maybe 1 if I'm nice ;) So I've never had a curfew.

They used to be quite over protective of me but I've always been rebellious haha! They mellowed out a lot though when I went to uni for a year and a half and lived away; they realise I'm an adult now.

I think them giving you a curfew is crazy! Personally, I'd totally rebel ;)
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11 May 2009, 15:04
Post Count: 322
I lived at home with my Mom for a short period of time last year into this year. I paid for expenses in the house, cleaned, put groceries in the house, etc. I had freedom. Then again, I have a child - and have had a child since I was 15. My parent's don't really consider me a child anymore.

However, if it were my daughter.. yes, she would have to do house hold chores. I think that's fair, as you aren't paying anything for bills. Acceptable in my opinion.
As for coming home at a certain time, this would be debated on. I could understand your parents saying they have to work in the AM and want you home at a reasonable time.

My advice to you would be this - they are letting you live there for free. All you have to do is clean up a little bit. They are also paying for your food, correct? I would say you really have no right or reason to be complaining at all, and you should go give your parents a big hug and thank them for letting you stay there.
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11 May 2009, 18:46
Post Count: 76
You should as long as you live with them listen to their rules and they should also try to be understanding that you are no longer a young girl but a woman. As far as home chores absolutely, you would have to do them on your own and besides we all make the mess, why shouldn't we all be responsible to clean it up as well. For curfew that is something you should sit down and talk about and get their opinion and maybe there is some type of compromise to be reached. Just some thoughts.
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12 May 2009, 21:25
avoir la foi
Post Count: 20
I'm almost 21 (July 26!!) and I'm still living at home. I have to clean the litter boxes, because one of the cats is mine and I'm expected to clean up after myself. Other than that, though, I really don't HAVE to do anything. Of course, I do the dishes or vaccum sometimes to help out. My parents have never had a curfew for me. I'm free to come and go as I please, but I respect my parents and I let them know where I'm going and usually around when I'll be home. I'm in school, so the deal is that I don't have to pay rent as long as I keep my GPA above 3.0.

If I were in your shoes I definitely wouldn't rebel. I don't know your parents, but in most cases I would assume if a kid rebelled parents would come back with, "Then you can find your own place to live where you can do whatever you want." Then there would be a lot of tension and it might make things worse. I would approach my parents and tell them calmly and rationally how I was feeling and try and work out a new deal. Good luck with everything! I hope your parents chill out.
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13 May 2009, 00:05
Post Count: 61
If you're not paying for anything then you should be doing all the housework, if you paid your way then you should do a share of the housework.
I don't think you should have a cerfew though.
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9 May 2009, 17:27
Post Count: 885
I would say that you shouldn't be rebellious towards them, but maybe sit down and have a mature conversation with them. Explain to them, "Hey, I'm 21 years old, and while I realize I'm still living at home and need to keep up with my responsibilities here, I am also an adult who can choose my curfew." Let them know that you want to keep up with your "household duties", but you also want to be treated like a respectable adult that can choose to come in at 1am if you so decide.

I'd like to give my input, but my situation is a bit different than yours. I'm 20 years old and living at home with my mother, but my husband also is here with us (we're building a home and while we're building we're staying somewhere rent free so that we can put ALL of our money into the house). The only "chores" we have are making sure we clean our dishes, do our laundry, and don't leave random crap lying about the house. The way our bedroom/bathroom appears is none of my Mom's concern.
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9 May 2009, 17:30
Post Count: 51
actually, i have talked with them about the situation.
they always come back with "it's better than paying rent!"
even though i know they wouldn't make me pay rent.
but whenever i try to talk with them seriously, they don't really listen to me.
i do, do my own laundry and my bedroom is whatever.
some days it's a horrible mess, and my dad sees it and yells at me to keep it clean.
i would understand if i had to keep it clean if it was viewable by guests, but my
room is upstairs.
but anyways, whenever i try to talk with them, their comeback is always "it's better than rent!"
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9 May 2009, 17:39
Post Count: 885
Well, if they don't respond well to mature conversation (which, by the way, I think is extremely silly), how do you think they're going to respond to being rebellious towards them?
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9 May 2009, 17:54
Post Count: 51
i've tried being rebellious, to the point where i came in three hours past the time they expected me.
obviously, they didn't take that well.
and made things worse. since then, i've been home either RIGHT at the time they've said, or 5-10 minutes before they expect me home.
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11 May 2009, 18:51
Post Count: 76
A good point however. It is better than rent.
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9 May 2009, 17:39
Post Count: 425
My opinion on this? If you are working full time and are not able to pay for any of the expenses of the home (if my daughter were 21 and living at home I would have her pay a small rent fee. Unless she was attending school full time.) you do need to help around the house. Not necessarily to get a chore list, but you should want to do to help out since you do live there.

As far as the curfew, I would sit down and let your parents know that while you are living with them you are a grown women. You will respect them and let them know when your coming home, or call them if your staying out, but that you do not feel it's right to have any sort of curfew. As long as your communicating with them and letting them know your plans, and in advance if possible, there should be no issues.

If there is, than I would save to move out. That's all that's left to do.
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9 May 2009, 17:56
Post Count: 51
i work 5 days a week, and go to college three days a week. according to my college, i don't have enough credits to be considered "full time."
i do respect them, hence why i'm always 5-10 minutes earlier than my curfew.
but they also need to respect me as a 21 year old individual.
you can't get respect if you don't give it.
and i'd say they aren't respecting me as an individual when they set a unreasonable curfew, and a list of chores.
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9 May 2009, 18:00
panda bear.
Post Count: 150
well I noticed you said you don't have to pay for anything. Your parents are being generous in letting you stay with them, eat their food and use their hydro, internet etc. So I think the least you could do for them is do chores. I mean how hard can it be? Because in all honesty, when you move out on your own, you'll be doing those chores ANYWAY. Might as well get used to it now. About the curfew thing, I think you should talk to them. Tell them you're 21 and you don't agree with the curfew. If it's a matter of you maybe being a bit louder than they appreciate when you come in at night, tell them you'll be more quiet. That's how I got my parents to not care when I came in the house.
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